


Fall

by itsrealnovem



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, F/M, Fluff, Genderbending, HunHan - Freeform, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, fem! Lu. This is just a fan fiction, okay? Lovelots.
Language: Filipino
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 56,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29152380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsrealnovem/pseuds/itsrealnovem
Summary: Almost. Muntik na. Sayang.Yun sila. Yung ang kwento nila.Hanggang sana na lang ata talaga ang madla sa "campus couple" nila.But maybe, just maybe, all they need was their friends, a two-week convention, and a little push to get their long overdue happy ending.
Relationships: Lu Han/Oh Sehun
Comments: 17
Kudos: 9





	1. The Restart

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! It's here! Before you read, this story was originally posted as an sns au on Twitter but I transferred it here for easier access. I have edited and added some parts that aren't found on the tweets, and you can read it from the very beginning again hehe. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER:  
> This story is fictitious. Only a product of my overbearing thoughts at 3 am.

Hana picks up her phone nang makita nyang may message galing sa GC nilang magkakaibigan. Bea was informing Kath and Jedah about the convention para sa mga teachers bago magpasukan and she smiled. Kung dati ay naiinggit sya sa tuwing makikita nya na nag-uusap ang mga kaibigan tungkol sa mga trabaho nito, ngayon ay napangiti na sya. She'll finally be with them soon.

Her friends are teachers. She is, too. A licensed professional teacher but not yet a public teacher.

Ngayon pa lang talaga sya masasabi na isa na syang ganap na guro. Ngayong natanggap na sya sa isang publikong paaralan sa kanilang probinsya.

Napailing sya sa isipan na it took her two years to finally be here. Minsan kasi kahit sabihin na nakapasa ka na at nalampasan mo na ang pasakit ng board exams, hindi mo pa rin makuhang matawag ang sarili mo na isang propesyonal maliban kung ikaw ay isang stable na empleyado na. That's what Hana felt. Hindi naman ganoon ang nakasulat, pero sa mundong ito — the title you have is meaningless if you aren't earning from it.

But having your dream job and earning from it isn't easy. Especially for her. Hana had her fair shares of struggles in setting up her mind na kailangan dire-diretso ang mga plano nya sa buhay. After Grad dapat makapag-trabaho agad, mag-ipon, makapag-patayo ng bahay, mapatapos ang kanyang bunsong kapatid, at mabigyan ng magandang buhay ang Mama at Papa nya.

That's her mindset as the eldest, kaya kahit hindi naman pagtuturo ang trabahong inoffer sa kanya ay kinuha nya ito. For her family, for herself. Para maging proud ang nanay nya. Para makalimot at makalayo sya. Iba din kasi talaga ang nagagawa kapag nasasaktan ka, by both your family and someone you loved. But it wasn't easy. Nothing ever was. Sa ngayon, masaya sya na tapos na ang parte ba yun ng buhay nya. Masaya sya na sa wakas, looking at the form where she is confirmed to be a part of the faculty of her alma mater — all the struggles were worth it.

_And they are stories for another time_.

Focus tayo sa Hana Miracle Lu na may ngiti na ulit sa kanyang mga mata.

_**LPTs (GANDA MAESTRA GC)**_

_**Bea Byun:** _

Dito ko na lang sasabihin, ha?

May two week vacation daw tayo bago magpasukan.

Galante daw si Sir. Charot.

Haha. Kasama natin yung nga

bagong teachers na pina-transfer

dito sa MNHS.

 _ **Jedah Kim**_ :

Wow, saan daw?

_**Bea Byun** _

Hindi pa daw finalized kung saan.

Pero mukhang recreational at

relaxation for the teachers na din.

Outdoors-y type daw ang peg.

_**Katherine Doh**_

Sino naman yung mga bagong teachers?

**_Bea Byun:_ **

Di ko pa kilala e.

Narinig ko lang kanina sa faculty. Hehe.

_**Hana Miracle Lu** _

Isa ako dun! Haha.

Tho technically hindi naman

ako nag-transfer ng school.

Ng trabaho lang. HAHAHA.

SURPRISE!

_**Bea Byun:** _

Seryoso ka!? 😭

FINALLY NAMAN, HANA!

_**Katherine Doh:** _

Pero paano yung trabaho mo sa firm, Hana?

Tho, I'm absolutely happy na nakaalis ka na jan.

**_Hana Miracle Lu_ **

I already gave my

resignation letter last month

saka alam naman na nila

na I'll pursue teaching.

Mabait naman si VP kaya

last week ko na

'to sa kanila. ☺️

"Finally." Hana said to herself. Bagong simula na ito para sa kanya. Umuusad ba yung buhay nyang akala nya hanggand doon na lang. Sana ngayon, makuha na nya talaga yung sinasabi nilang _"kasiyahan."_

____________

Sehun put down the book he was reading when his phone notified him of a new message. Galing na naman siguro ito kay Chase at hindi nga naman sya nagkamali.

_**SKY is the LIMIT GC**_

_**Chase Ysmael Park:** _

Pare, nakita ko name mo sa bagong Teachers na pina-trasfer dito sa MNHS.

Nice, ah. Finally!

_**John Kristoffer Kim:** _

Ano ganap?

_**Chase Ysmael Park:** _

_@Sehun Stephen Oh!_ Huy!

_**Sehun Stephen Oh** _

Oo. Susubukan ko na din dyan magturo.

Mababait naman sa isla kaso hassle na din talaga yung byahe sa araw-araw.

Saka namiss ko na rin naman dito.

Ilang buwan din akong di umuwi-uwi. Haha

_**Chase Ysmael Park:** _

Weh? Hahahaha

_**Sehun Stephen Oh** _

Ikaw, Toff.

Kumusta ka na?

_**Chase Ysmael Park:** _

Ako, hindi mo man lang kukumustahin?

_**Sehun Stephen Oh** _

Magkikita na rin naman tayo, gago.

_**Chase Ysmael Park** _

Sabagay. 😂

_**John Kristoffer Kim** _

Eto, masaya. Haha.

Ang tarantado lang nung part na nag-Educ ako pero Dance Studio at Business ang handle ko.

Worth it naman yung majors ko kahit papano. Haha.

_**Sehun Stephen Oh** _

Haha. Mabuti naman.

Hindi naman kasi kapag nag-Educ ka

yun na yung end game mo.

Nasa calling din yan.

_**Chase Ysmael Park** _

At nasa tibay ng loob na wag pakinggan yung husga ng tao sa'yo.

Musika at pagtuturo na ang buhay ko, wala na silang pakialam

kung paano ko naha-handle yun. Basta masaya sa trabaho, diba?

_**Sehun Stephen Oh** _

Naks, iba na talaga. Hahaha.

Two years was indeed enough time for changes.

Proud ako sainyo, tol. Buraot lang tayo dati. 😂

_**John Kristoffer Kim** _

Naman. Hindi na rin naman

tayo bumabata. HAHAHA.

Napangiti naman si Sehun sa usapan nila ng mga kaibigan. Dalawang taon na nga pala talaga ang nakalipas. Maraming nagbago sa kanila. Masaya sya para sa mga kaibigan. Pero sya? Masaya nga ba sya? Siguro. He would lie if he says yes. Dahil kahit umusad sya sa buhay, and everything went fine, alam nyang may kulang.

_Siya_.

_______________

**D-Day.**

Napangiti si Hana sa reminder nya sa kalendaryo. Today was the day. Nakauwi na rin sya sa wakas after almost 2 years of being away from her hometown. Next week ay naka-schedule na nga ang kanilang seminar/convention na magtatagal ng dalawang linggo. But of course before that, orientation muna. Like always.

Sumakay na sya sa jeep na nakaparada para makarating sa alma mater/ dream eskwelahan na pagtuturuan nya. Sa wakas, Hana is finally not just a licensed teacher but a public teacher on the job na! She can't wait. Lalo na kung isa sa mga pangarap nilang magkakaibigan noong college ay matutupad na — to teach in one school. It took awhile before nangyari yun but masaya pa rin sya na at least it happened. Kailangan nya muna kasi magtrabaho para makatulong sa pamilya nya before asikasuhin ang sariling mga requirements para makapag-turo, and mahaba-haba at not to mention, magastos ang prosesong yun. Habang lulan ng jeep ay nag-chat sya sa GC nilang magkakaibigan para ipaalam sa kanila na on the way na sya. Hindi pa naman ata sya late para sa orientation keme.

30 mins ang byahe nya papuntang MNHS kaya minabuti nya na kunin ang pinakamamahal nyang earphones sa bag. Time to listen to Ben&Ben on shuffle.

> '𝘋𝘪 𝘣𝘢 𝘯𝘨𝘢 𝘪𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘨 '𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘰?
> 
> 𝘖𝘩, 𝘪𝘵𝘰'𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘯 𝘯𝘢 𝘢𝘬𝘰
> 
> 𝘔𝘨𝘢 𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘢𝘭𝘢'𝘺 𝘪𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘢𝘰𝘯
> 
> 𝘒𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘱 𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘨 𝘬𝘢𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘰𝘯

Hala ka. Kathang Isip talaga agad?

"May pinapahiwatig ka ba?" mahinang tanong nya sa sarili. Kapag napakikinggan nya kasi ang partikular na kantang ito ay may naaalala sya. Napangiti na lang sya nung pumasok agad ang mukha ni "greatest downfall" nya sa kanyang isipan, unang verse pa lang ng kanta.

> 𝘔𝘨𝘢 𝘨𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘯𝘨 '𝘥𝘪 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘺 𝘭𝘶𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘱𝘢𝘥
> 
> 𝘔𝘨𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘢𝘨 𝘬𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘢'𝘯 𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘢𝘺𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘥𝘱𝘢𝘥
> 
> 𝘉𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘨 𝘯𝘢 𝘯𝘢𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘢 𝘴𝘢 𝘵𝘶𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘬𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘺
> 
> 𝘐𝘵𝘰'𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘬𝘢𝘭𝘢, 𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘺

Sablay. Yeah, sobrang sablay nila ng "greatest downfall" nya. Akala nya kasi pwede, but at the end of the day, isang malaking clown si Hana Miracle Lu.

> 𝘗𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘺𝘢 𝘬𝘢 𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘢 𝘮𝘨𝘢 𝘬𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘱 𝘬𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵𝘰
> 
> 𝘞𝘢𝘳𝘪'𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘭𝘢 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘢𝘨𝘮𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘩𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘢 𝘪𝘺𝘰
> 
> 𝘈𝘬𝘰'𝘺 𝘨𝘪𝘨𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘱 𝘬𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵𝘰
> 
> 𝘈𝘵 𝘴𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘺 𝘬𝘶𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘰 𝘴𝘢 𝘪𝘺𝘰, 𝘭𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘰 𝘴𝘢...

Lumayo naman nga talaga sya. Nagtrabaho sa malayo. Pinilit na makalimot sa mga sana at muntik na sa non-existent buhay pag-ibig nya. 'Kumusta na kaya sya?' Umiling naman agad si Hana ng pumasok na lang bigla sa isip nya ang tanong na 'yun. _Duh,_ it's been almost 2 years since nagkita sila tapos magtatanong sya sa sarili nya kung kumusta na si greatest nya? Last na stalk nya last month pa e.

Malay nya ba. _At she's battling with her thoughts again._

Iba talaga ang epekto ng kanta sa kanya. Nakailang kanta na rin syang napakinggan nang makarating sya sa harap ng dating eskwelahan.

Finally.

Pakababa nya sa jeep, hindi nya na ininda ang taas ng sikat ng araw at tumakbo para makasilong sa may guard house.

"Hi Kuya Flash!" bati nya sa matandang sekyu.

"Oh, Madam Hana. Kumusta?" bati nito pabalik at pinagbuksan sya ng gate.

Hindi na sya nagulat na kilala sya nito. Halos nung high school pa sya, guard na ito ng MNHS. "Ayos lang ako, Kuya. Madami na bang tao sa loob?" tanong nya dito habang nagpi-fill out sa logbook.

"Medyo. Ang daming bagong mukha pero yung mga kaibigan mo, Sina Ma'am Bea, nasa loob na."

Natuwa naman sya sa narinig kaya agad na syang pumasok sa dating paaralan pakatapos magpaalam sa guard. Ibang-iba na ang MNHS. Gumanda ito lalo at napangiti na lang sya na makita ang mga classrooms na bagong ayos at pinta. Dumiretso sya sa hallway papuntang gymanasium kung saan laging naka-schedule ang mga big events at orientation ng school. In fairness, pati yung hallway nilang dating naka-semento pa, aba, naka-tiles na ngayon. Sosyal.

Habang papalapit sya sa gym, narinig nya ang ingay mula sa loob.

Alam nyo naman na kapag nag-kumpulan ang mga tao sa gym — ingay to the max yan.

Na-excite naman syang makita at makilala ang mga bagong henerasyon ng guro ng MNHS. When she entered the gym, sobrang na-overwhelm sya na makita ang gym na noon ay sira-sira pa ang bubong dahil hindi matapos-tapos, pero ngayon — the place was furnished into greatness. Nag-improve na talaga ang alma mater nya.

_Hayys, nakakamiss din pala ang lugar na 'to._

Habang tumitingin-tingin sya sa paligid para maghanap ng pamilyar na mukha ay parang nakarinig sya ng pamilyar na boses.

Sa sobrang pamilyar, luminga-linga pa sya sa paligid kasi _shit,_ she would recognize that voice anywhere!

Hindi naman masyadong madami ang nasa gym kaya kung andito yun, hindi sya mahirap mahanap sa 𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘬𝘢𝘥 ba naman non.

"Teka muna, ba't ko hinahanap?" bigla atang narealize ni Hana na she's already looking for him among the crowd, _yet again_.

"Ay, naku ka self. Para kang —"

"Hanaaaaaa!" Hindi na natapos ni Hana ang pagkausap sa sarili ng marinig ang tili ni Bea, isa sa mga kaibigan nya.

"Bea! Kath! Musta na?" tanong nya nang makalapit ang dalawang kaibigan nya.

"Eto. Maganda pa rin." sagot ni Bea at napa-rolyo na lang ng mata si Katherine. Hindi pa rin talaga sila nagbabago.

At katulad ng maraming bagay na hindi nagbago — hindi din nagbago na kapag nagkita sila, instant kwentuhan agad yan. Hindi pa naman nagsisimula ang orientation, Filipino time as usual, kaya ayun naghabol muna sila ng mga kwentong matagal-tagal din nilang naipon.

And as always, hindi matatapos ang kwentuhan nang hindi napupunta sa kanya ang usapan.

"Ay, nga pala Hana. Dito din nagtuturo si Chase. Sir Chase pala para propesyonal dating." sabi ni Bea na tila kinikilig. Bigla naman syang natigilan sa sinabi nito. Napaisip. _If he's here then -_

"Napapaisip na yan." tawa ni Katherine. "Kaso uunahan na kita, hindi namin co-teacher si greatest downfall mo, yung bestfriend lang yung andito."

"Gwapong bestfriend ng almost mo." hagikhik ni Bea na akala mo teenager. Well, she looks so young for her age. Mapagkakamalan.

"Ano ba kayo. Hindi ko naman iniisip yun. Hindi din naman ako nagulat na Kuya Chase is here. Malapit lang naman ang MNHS sa kanila. Nasabi nya na din dati na dito sya diba?" Tumango na lamang ang mga kaibigan nya sa sinabi nya. Clearly unbelieving. Hindi naman talaga kasi sya magaling magsinungaling. Iniisip nya naman talaga kasi, coincidence lang ngs din ba na parang narinig nya ito kanina?

"Naka-move on na ako, 'no. 2 years na din kaya. Saka —"

"Hana?" Agad naman syang napatigil sa pag-eexplain ng marinig nya ang boses na tumawag sa kanya.

_What?_

Tinignan nya ang dalawang kaibigan at nakatingin din ang mga ito sa likod nya. Nakanganga.

Kaya unti-unti na din syang lumingon sa likod nya. Hindi nya naman napigilan na gayahin ang reaksyon ng mga kaibigan nya kasi, _shemay — 'Lord, seryoso ka ba?'_

"Sabi ko na nga ba, ikaw yan e." ngiti ng nilalang sa harapan nya at wait, nakalimutan nya ata makahinga sa lakas ng tibok ng puso nya.

"Hi, Han. It's nice to see you again."

"Se-Sehun?"

_"Ako nga."_

______________

Natulala na lang sya pagkakita sa binata. Wow. That 2 years did good to him, really. Mas lalo pa ata itong gumwapo. He was sort of lanky back in college but now, his physique was something like the ones you see on the cover of magazines. Matipuno, mantangkad, nasabi nya na bang gwapo? Gwapo talaga ito noon pa man, pero asa kayong sasabihin yun ni Hana sa harap nya. Ayaw nyang maging ego booster nito, _ulit._

Kung may isang hindi nagbago dito, iyon ay ang kanyang mga mata. Hanggang ngayon, he still has those stares. That kind of piercing stares na nakakapanghina ng tuhod nya, at hindi hahayaang tumingin ka sa iba.

"Kumusta ka —"

 _"Good Morning, MNHS Faculty!_ "

Saved by the booming sound system. "Magsiupo na tayo, mga mahal kong guro at nang nakapagsimula na tayo."

Hindi na nag-aksaya ng pagkakataon si Hana para maka-iwas kaya dali-dali nitong hinigit ang dalawang kaibigan naghanap ng mauupuan.

"Naka-move on na pala, 'no?"

"2 years na, hindi ko na iniisip yun." ulit ng mga kaibigan nya, nang-aasar.

"Shut up na, girls. Magsisimula na."

"Akalain mo yun, pagkakataon nga naman. Kakasabi ko pa lang na hindi natin sya co-teacher tapos isa pala sya sa mga pina-transfer." puna ni Kath. "The same year you decided to finally teach." dugtong pa ni Bea. "Baka matuloy na yung naudlot nyong love story. Love is sweeter the second time around diba? Yieeee." kantyaw pa nito.

"Hindi na sya yung almost mo, forever na."

Kung hindi pa mag-salita ang MC mula sa podium ay hindi pa sya tatantanan ng dalawa. Bakit nya nga ba naging kaibigan ang dalawang 'to? Tumawa na lang sya at napailing. Oo nga pala, wala pala syang ibang napagsabihan noon. Kahit itong dalawang matalik nyang kaibigan.

Dahil kung alam nyo lang, _you won't be doing this anymore._

_______________

"Maupo ka na nga, Sehun. Mababali na ata leeg mo. Ano ba kasi hinahanap mo?" tanong ni Chase.

"Si Hana."

"Si Hana!? Yung binasted mong si Hana!?"

"Gago. Manahimik ka nga, at hindi ko sya binasted." Sehun sighed and finally stopped looking around the gym. Hahanapin nya nya na lang ang dalaga mamaya.

"Andito sya. Nakita ko kanina kaso biglang umalis kasama nina Bea." dugtong nya.

"Talaga? Wow. Magtuturo na pala sya. Mabuti naman." sagot ni Chase sa kanya habang nakatingin sa unahan. Nakaupo sila sa may dulo pero they don't really mind, perks of being tall nga naman.

"Nag-uusap kayo?" biglang tanong nya. Tinignan naman sya ni Chase na parang nagtataka.

"Oo. Dati. Recently kasi naging busy na din. Last na usap ko sa kanya yung humingi sya ng favor na tanungin ka if pwede mo isauli yung mga kanta at tulang binigay nya."

_Ha?_

"Bakit hindi mo yan sinabi sakin!?" nagsisimula na mag-opening remarks ang principal pero wala atang balak ang dalawang lalaking ito na makinig. "Ha? I just saved you the hassle and her with another disappointment. Pinatapon mo yung binder, gago. Paano mo isasauli?" Ang tanga. Oo nga pala. Yun pala yung rason na sinabi nya. _Rason na hindi naman totoo. "_ Saka naalala nya pala na iniwan mo dun sa room natin dati, kaya hindi nya na lang din pinasabi." Dagdag pa ng kaibigan pero hindi na lang sya nagsalita. _Not the right time._

"Nice. Sa Batangas daw tayo. Galante ata si Sir Balla ngayon. Hoho." bigla nyang narinig na sabi ni Chase. Hindi na ata talaga sya nakikinig sa orientation. Magtatanong na lang sya mamaya. Iba naman kasi ang tumatakbo sa isipan nya.

After the orientation, luminga-linga ulit sya para hanapin si Hana. Bakit? Gusto nya kumustahin ang dalaga. Yun lang. Yun lang talaga.

Agad naman syang napangiti ng makita nya ito kasama ang mga kaibigan. She was smiling from ear to ear as she talks with her former teachers. Alma Mater nya nga pala ito. Natandaan nyang nakwento na iyon sa kanya ng dalaga.

"Tara na, Sehun. May pupuntahan pa tayo, diba?" aya sa kanya ni Chase pero hindi nya man lang ito nilingon. Kaya hinanap din nito kung sino ang tinitignan nya. Napangisi naman ito. "Ang ganda na ni Hana, ah. Major glow up." mapang-asar na sabi ni Chase.

Napatingin naman ng masama si Sehun sa kaibigan na tinawanan lang ng huli. "Tara na. Baka masapak pa kita e." asik ni Sehun bago tumingin muli sa dalaga. Pero wala na ito doon.

"Umalis na. Nakita ka nya kanina nung lumingon dito ng saglit. Pero umalis din naman agad. Nagmamadali ata."

 _Nagmamadaling umiwas_.

"Ah." tanging sagot nya sa kaibigan.

Tinapik naman sya nito sa balikat, "Ang pagsisisi talaga para sa mga matatangkad, pare."

"Ano?" naguguluhang tanong nya sa kaibigan.

"Kasi laging nasa huli." tawa nito.

_Loko. Wala naman kayong alam_.

_______________

Habang kumakain sa McDo, hindi pa rin sya tinigilan ng mga kaibigan. Pero pasalamat na lang syang nakakahinga na sya ng maluwag. Damn that Sehun Stephen Oh for messing with her heart, her joints, and everything that it is about her. "Iniisip nya pero kanina hindi nilapitan." Kath rolls her eyes for the nth time that day nung mapansin sya nitong nakatulala lang sa pagkain nya. "Tapos hindi din kinausap, iniwasan pa. Okay ka lang, ghorl? Para kang shunga jan." dagdag pa ni Bea.

"Ano naman sasabihin ko sa tao? 'Hi, Almost!' ako nga pala yung kaklase mo sa mga minor subs na patay na patay sa'yo nung college' ganon?"

"Grabe ka naman sa patay na patay. Hahaha. Pero true naman. The thing is, may something naman sainyo dati. Ayaw mo ng closure?" sagot ni Bea habang nakaturo sa kaniya ang tinidor na hawak nito.

"Anong closure, hindi naman naging kami." Nagkatinginan sina Bea at Kath sa sinabi nya. Sa campus kasi nila nung college, they thought Hana and Sehun had a thing. Sino naman ang hindi, diba? They looks so close, papasang mag-kasintahan sa sobrang close.

"We were just friends." paglilinaw nya pa.

"Alam naman namin yun lahat. Pero may something nga kayo?"

"Wala."

"Anong wala?"

 _'Wala kaming something. Muntik na? Akala ko din. Akala ko lang pala.'_ "Wala. Wala nga." Alam nyang naguguluhan na ang mga kaibigan sa pinagsasabi nya. Kaso, ayaw nya naman na sabihin. Tapos na e. Move on na tayo.

_Kahit wala naman talagang naging "tayo."_

________________

Naghiwa-hiwalay na silang magkakaibigan after nilang kumain. It was already past 3 pm at sobrang init sa may antayan ng jeep. Ipinapaypay nya na ang kamay sa sarili kasi pinagpapawisan na sya. _'Asan na ba kasi ang jeep na yan?'_ maktol nya sa kanyang isipan. Ang rude naman kung ipag-sigawan nya yun, diba? Nangalay na ang kamay nya sa kakapaypay sa sarili at masakit na rin ang paa sa pagtayo ng almost 30 mins dahil sa tagal ng jeep.

"Ang init." biglang bulalas nya.

Naramdaman nyang biglang nagkahangin at napa-buntong hininga na lang sya. "Salamat naman at humangin." pumikit pa talaga sya para damahin yung biglang pagpresko ng paligid.

"Swerte mo lang ineng kasi may tagapaypay ka." bigla nyang rinig na sabi ng matanda sa tabi nya.

"Po?" lingon nya dito. Ngumuso naman ang matanda na parang sinasabi na lumingon sya sa likod nya, so she did, at laking gulat nya ng nasa likod nya na yung kanina lang iniiwasan nya.

"Lapit ka dito, hindi kita mapaypayan ng maayos." sabi ni Sehun. Yep, nasa waiting shed din si Sehun Stephen Oh. May dala itong square na pamaypay na gawa sa karton na ipinapaypay sa kanya.

 _Saan nya naman kaya nakuha 'to?_ Pero wala na dun yung concern nya. _Bakit andito 'to?_

"Hana."

"Natulala na ata ang gerlpren mo sayo, hijo. Sa gwapo mong yan, aba."

Hala ka. Chismosa tong si Manang. "Hindi nya ho ako girlfriend, Nay."

"Weh? Yang mukhang yan itatanggi mo?" sabi nito at gustong-gusto na ni Hana irolyo ang mga mata sa sinabi. Here we go again. Bakit ba lagi silang napagkakamalan? Isn't this set up getting old?

She heard Sehun chuckle beside her kaya liningon nya ito para tignan ng masama. Kaya laging may naga-assume e.

"Sorry."

"Ano ba ginagawa mo dito?" tanong nya sa binata. "Nag-aantay ng jeep?" nakangiti nitong sagot sa kanya. Ang tanga nga naman ng tanong nya.

"I mean, diba iba naman lane mo? Why are you waiting here?" Hana is already giving herself a pat in the back for not stuttering in front of her "greatest downfall." "Uh, ano, um.. May pupuntahan lang." sabi nito. _Ah, may pupuntahan_. Kahit Hana was itching to ask kung saan, she didn't even dare to open her mouth. Tumango na lamang sya at tumingin sa highway. _Baka yung totoong girlfriend yung pupuntahan._

"Tsk."

"You okay? Naiinitan ka pa ba?" biglang tanong nito sa kanya. Kung kaba yung nararamdaman nya kanina, hindi nya na alam kung ano na ngayon sa lakas ng kabog ng dibdib nya that she was afraid he would already hear it.

"Teka, lakasan ko na lang."

"Wag na. Bakit mo ba ako pinapaypayan? Sarili mo yung paypayan mo. Pawis na pawis ka na." She wanted to sound rude but instead she sounded worried. It doesn't help na may pangiti-ngiti pa ang loko. Ano na naman ba 'to?

"Hindi ako nag-aalala sayo. Tigil na sa pagpaypay."

"Wala naman akong sinabi, ah." then he smiled. 

_Hana, 'wag kang kiligin!. Ngiti lang yan._ Ngiting inaabangan mo noon araw-araw.

Mabuti na lang at dumating na ang jeep bago pa man tuluyang makita ni Sehun ang pamumula nya. Pero parang sinasadya talaga sya ng kumag, tumabi talaga sa kanya pagkaupo nya sa loob ng jeep. Hindi nya na lang pinansin ang binata at pinapakalma ang puso dahil hindi nakakatulong na naamoy nya ang pamilyar na pabango ni Sehun. ' _Hindi pa rin pala sya nagpapalit ng brand.'_

Nung malapit ng mapuno ang jeep, mas lalong napalapit sya sa binata.

"Isa pa, Isa pa jan sa kaliwa." sigaw ng drayber. _Tangina, asan ang isa pa jan?_ Para na silang sardinas tapos isa pa!? Talaga naman! Ilinagay naman ni Sehun ang kamay nito sa may likuran nya para makausog ng maayos. Gusto na naman ni Hana na magmura.

"Sorry." paumanhin nito ng mas lalo syang nasiksik sa binata. Bwisit na jeep. Bwiset na puso.

At parang may galit ata talaga sa kanya si universe dahil nang umusad na ang jeep, kasabay nito ang pagtugtog ng 𝘈𝘳𝘢𝘸-𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘸 𝘣𝘺 𝘉𝘦𝘯&𝘉𝘦𝘯. 

_Nananadya ka ba, Lord?_

"Nice, Ben&Ben." rinig nyang sabi ni Sehun, at saka mahinang sumabay sa kanta. Naalala nya na naman nung araw na kumanta ito sa harapan ng klase nila. That's one of the days na sobrang naging inspirado syang gumawa ng tula — dahil lang sa mga ngiti at boses nitong hindi nya malimot-limot.

"Naalala mo pa ba 'to, Hana? Kinanta ko' to dati." she heard him say. Napangiti naman sya ng mapait.

"Hindi na e."

_____________

**_SKY is the LIMIT GC_**

_**Sehun Stephen Oh** _

Chase. Pasundo.

Nasa Quad ako malapit sa University.

_**Chase Ysmael Park** _

Hala. Ba't andyan ka? Ang layo nyan sainyo, ah.

Asan kotse mo?

_**Sehun Stephen Oh** _

Iniwan ko sa MNHS.

Pahatid na lang ako dun.

Sorry sa abala.

May pinuntahan lang

ako kanina.

_**John Kristoffer Kim** _

Sa Quad sa may University natin ba kamo?

Diba malapit dyan nakatira sina Hana?

Isang street lang ang pagitan.

_**Chase Ysmael Park** _

Ah. Gets. Hahahaha. Papunta na ako.

Hay nako, Sehun. Parang tanga. HAHA 😂

Napailing na lang din si Sehun at napangiti sa chat ng kaibigan. Alam na agad nito ang nangyari, even without him actually saying it. Hindi sya sumama kay Chase sa lakad nito para lang maihatid si Hana, isang bagay na nakaugalian nya na. Noon. Bigla naman nawala ang ngiti nya nang mapagtanto na oo nga pala, _**NOON.**_

Tama nga ang kaibigan nya. 

_Ang tanga-tanga nga nya._


	2. Chapter 2

🎥🎥🎥

_**November, 2015. 1st year, 2nd sem. Stage.** _

Mapapaos na ata si Hana sa kakasigaw ng "Isa pa.", 

"Lakasan nyo boses nyo, Engs." 

"Start from the top." at kung anu-ano pang salita na dapat si leader ang nagsasabi. They're practicing for their activity para sa Language Month na gaganapin by next week. Lakas maka-HS but mas pina-bongga at critical naman ang mga activities for this month. Grado for midterms ang nakasalalay dito kaya bawal ang "papetiks-petiks" sabi nga ng iba.

After 30 mins na walang pahinga of practicing their voices for their assigned piece, they took a 15 mins break. Nasa kondisyon naman mga kagrupo nya ngayon so she didn't have that much of a problem. She was actually hoping for peace and quiet, umupo naman sya sa likod ng stage at ipinikit ang mga mata. It was a bad choice tho.

Narinig nya ang mga tawanan malapit sa pwesto nya. Nakalimutan nya na daan din yung backstage sa mismong covered court nila. Kaya agad naman syang tumayo para hindi makaharang sa mga dadaan.

 _So much for a break_.

Pabalik na sya ng stage ng may humawak sa braso nya. She turned her head para makita kung sino ang estrangherong bigla-bigla na lang syang hinawakan. _Nakakagulat yun, ah._

But the protest didn't even reach her throat ng makita ang matangkad na lalaking nakahawak pa rin sa braso nya.

Maaliwalas ang mukhang ngumiti ito sa kanya, at parang nanghina ata ang tuhod nya sa ngiti nito. He has a pair of dark brown eyes, and his eyebrows were like shaped to intimidate pero ang nakakadagdag naman sa appeal nito.

"Miss. Yung panyo mo nahulog. Baka kailangan mo, you seem to be in the middle of practice e."

Natauhan naman sya bigla at namula. Ang bait naman neto, magsasauli lang ng panyo. Aaminin nya — gwapo ito. So she got a little distracted there. It's not everyday na may makikita kang gwapo sa University grounds, ah. Well, not as good-looking as this person was. Parang student model. Marupok na freshman lang po si Hana Miracle Lu. _Sorry na agad._

But it wasn't just that. _His eyes._ There something about his eyes that fascinated Hana. Parang ang lalim kasi ng mga iyon. Ang sarap titigan. 

"Ah, s-salamat." she says after an agonizing minute of stating. Ngumiti naman ito sa kanya at tumango bago sya tuluyang linagpasan para makapunta na sa covered court, sakto naman na tinawag na sya ng kaibigan para ma-resume na ang practice. Napalingon na lang sya sa papaalis na likod nito at napangiti nang hindi namamalayan. 

She didn't get his name, but atleast alam nya ang department nito at kung anong year. Nakita nya kasi sa suot nitong uniform. Magka-Department naman sila so, there's a chance na she'll see him again. _Sana._

Malaki ang ngiting bumalik sya sa stage kasama ang mga kagrupo nya at nagsimula ulit sila mag-practice. Palinga-linga din sya paminsan-minsan sa court kung nandoon ba ito pero mukhang dumiretso na ata itong cafeteria or classroom. Parang maze ang campus nila. Ang daming lusutan. But atleast, she got something out of it. 

_"BSED BioSci. 1-G. Nice, Biology Major."_

📝📝📝

_**Seminar Week 2021** _

"Huy, Hanapots!"

Bea's sudden and absurd greeting made her snap back to reality. 

Umiling na lamang sya sa alaalang biglang pumasok sa isipan nya. It's been years na din nga pala talaga. 2021 na, _uso mag-move on._

"Tulala ka na naman." puna ni Kath.

"Sorry, inaantok pa kasi ako e. Ang aga ko nagising. Medyo excited e. Ngayon lang uli 'to. I feel like I'm a student again." tawa nya. Totoo naman kasi. It's been so long since she had been on a trip kaya sobrang excited ni Hana. 

Kasalukuyan silang nasa bus at nag-aantay ng iba pang co-teachers para sa seminar or more like a recreational activity for the MNHS faculty.

Matagal-tagal din naman kasi na hindi nakaka-experience ang mga guro na magpahinga and enjoy pero syempre, as much as possible there are developments being set and prioritize. Pati relaxation, dala din naman nila ang oath nila as a teacher.

"Ako din! Sana ganto lagi, noh? Chill-chill lang." 

"Nagbabayad na po tayo ng tax, remind lang kita. Bawal ang chill-chill lang, Bea." puna naman ni Kath na tinawanan lang nila. Napakaseryoso talaga nito, kahit kailan. 

Marami silang naka-schedule na discussions with certain invited professors and supervisors kahit sa isang villa ang pupuntahan nila. May function hall naman doon, so they can focus entirely. Full-package, 'no? Sana all.

Bea and Kath are already settled sa tabi nya. Hana —Bea — Kath. 

Pantatluhan din naman kasi ito at nasa may bintana sya. She isn't fond na maupo sa gitna o sa isang gilid kasi feeling nya masusuka sya.

"Tingin ka sa labas ng bintana, Han."

And the _uto-uto_ that she was, tumingin naman sya agad sa labas. 

Agad nyang nakita sina Chase at Sehun na abalang nag-aayos ng ibang bagahe. Tinutulungan kasi nila yung ibang teachers na maglagay ng mga gamit sa compartment ng bus. Naka t-shirt na itim si Sir Chase at si Sir Sehun naman ay nakaputi at naka-jacket na light green. 

"Ang gentleman naman talaga ni Sir Chase, 'no?" biglang sabi ni Bea. May crush kasi talaga ang bruha kay Chase nung college pa. Actually, hindi na nila alam kung kailan. Bea and Chase had known each other for years. Kaso hanggang usap at subtle landi lang ang dalawa kahit matagal na itong magkakilala. Pareho pa atang takot sa commitment.

_Magulo? Magulo._

"Ang gwapo din, haaaays." dugtong pa nito. Nakatingin pa sya sa labas pero hindi naman si Sir Chase ang tinitignan nya.

"Pero para sa isa jan, mas gwapo yung naka-puti. Diba, Ma'am Hana?" 

At tila may radar ata ang binata kapag pinag-uusapan ito dahil bigla naman itong umangat ng tingin at saktong napatingin sa gawi nila. Agad naman itong ngumiti at kumaway sa kanya. Nakita nyang napailing si Sir Chase, at todo hampas naman sa kanya si Bea.

Mas kinikilig pa ang loka kesa sa kanya. She didn't even smile or wave back at him, iniwas nya lang ang tingin at medyo tumagilid ng upo para makaharap ang kaibigan. 

"Ay, di man lang pinansin. Bitter ka pa rin?" Bea teases. 

"Parang wala kayong pinagsamahan, ah." Kath chided. 

"Parang walang something nun, eh." dagdag rason pa ng mga kaibigan nya. 

"Wala naman kasi talaga. Kayo lang naman nagsasabi na meron e." agad namang sagot nya.

"Gaga ka ba? Anong walang something e halos hindi kayo mapaghiwalay noon. Campus Couple pa kayo nung Seniors Ball tas wala kayong something!? Ano naman kaya yun?"

Yun din nga akala nya e. Trust her, she really did believe there was something, too. 

"Porket ba laging magkasama, may something na? Malay mo, isa lang pala sa amin yung nag-assume na meron pero para isa, "pagiging mabuting kaibigan" lang pala." Hana even gestured air quotes with her hands.

"There's a difference kasi. Nandun kaya non, Bea. Alalahanin nyo."

Hindi nya na napigilan magpaliwanag sa mga kaibigan. Napapadalas na din kasi ang asar nito sa kanila at marami-rami na ang nakakarinig. Baka saan na naman yun mapunta. 

"Pero—" 

"Walang naging kami. Walang something. Kaya, tigil na. Move on na."

"Pero almost nga kayo! Muntik na kayo, kita namin yun e! Sayang kayo!" pagdadrama naman ni Bea. She had always been a fan of theirs, ewan nya ba dito. 

"Wala ngang kami, ang kulit." 

"Why didn't neither if you denied it? All this gossips and everything?" Kath asked.

"Ewan ko. Maybe because a part of me hopes na sana totoo, kahit sa paningin nyo lang."

Not a good reason, she knows. But atleast, she learned that there are actions and words na dapat hindi mo binibigyan ng malalim kahulugan. Lalo na kung wala kang assurance. 

Dahil kung minsan, talagang _wala naman._

_______________

**SKY is the LIMIT GC**

**_Sehun Stephen Oh_ **

Chase

_**Chase Ysmael Park** _

Sinasabi ko na sa'yo. Ayoko. 

_**John Kristoffer Kim** _

Ano na naman ang problema nyo? 

**_Chase Ysmael Park_ **

Gustong makipagpalitan ng upuan 

'tong gago. 

**_John Kristoffer Kim_ **

Ano kayo HS? Nasa tour? 🙄

_**Chase Ysmael Park** _

Nasa unahan ko kasi sina Hana. Kasama

sina Bea at Kath. 😏

**_John Kristoffer Kim_ **

Kaya naman pala. 😂

Pakisabi kay Kath, hi. 😊

 _ **Chase Ysmael Park**_

Messenger ba ako? 🙄

**_Sehun Stephen Oh_ **

Ililibre kita sa gym fee 

sa Baracks for 3 months.

**_Chase Ysmael Park_ **

Deal.

________________

Mahaba-haba ang naging byahe nila papuntang Batangas. Sehun didn't really like his seat sa may pinaka-unahan kaya naisipan nyang makipag-palit kay Chase.

It was an expensive bargain, but he knows, it will be worth it.

Nung pumayag si Chase makipagpalit, agad syang tumayo para makapunta sa pwesto nito. Nakita nya naman na nakatulog sa balikat ni Bea si Hana. 

"Ma'am Bea, pasuyo naman po. Pwede bang pakibantay ng gamit ko, kung ayos lang? Magpapalit lang kami ng pwesto ni Sir Sehun." magalang na tanong ni Chase sa ngayon ay naka-lingon na si Bea. Nakatayo pa rin si Sehun at nakatingin lang sa natutulog na dalaga. Napansin naman agad iyon ni Bea kaya ngumisi ito.

"Oo naman. Palit na lang din kami ni Sir Sehun ng pwesto para mabantayan ko ng maayos yang gamit mo. Nangangalay na din kasi ako." suhestyon nitong agad namang nakuha ni Chase.

"Mabuti pa nga." sang-ayon ng kaibigan nya. Sino naman si Sehun para tumanggi, diba? Tulong nya na din kay Bea.

"Just like old times." Puna ni Kath na napapangiti na din lang. Tumayo ito para makadaan si Sehun. 

"Dito na lang din ako sa tabi mo, Bea. Lumipat din yung katabi ni Sir Chase. Tutal pasimuno naman kayo e." pabirong saway ni Kath na natatawa. Pinagtitinginan na sila dahil nagpapalitan sila ng pwesto. Hindi naman sila mapapagalitan dahil wala namang seatplan. Hindi naman ito tour.

"Shh. Natutulog si Hana." maingat naman na linipat ni Bea ang ulo ng kaibigan para makasandal sa bintana saka sya tumayo para makaupo na sila. When everyone was settled, Sehun smiled habang tinitignan ang natutulog na mukha ng dalaga. Hindi pa rin pala ito nagbabago, kahit saan nakakatulog ito at mahirap gisingin.

"Matunaw yan, Sir. Wag mo pakatitigan." kantyaw ni Kath mula sa likod at narinig nya ang tawa ni Bea. Napunta na si Chase sa dating pwesto nya at malakas ang kutob nyang nakikialam na ito sa gamit nya.

Not that he minds. He got more than what he bargained for anyway.

Bigla namang umalog ng konti ang bus dahil sa isang bump sa kalsadang nadaanan nila. Mabuti na lamang at nahawakan ni Sehun ang ulo ni Hana bago pa man ito makatama sa bintana.

Nag-sorry naman agad ang driver. Maya-maya ay napansin nyang hindi na komportable si Hana sa posisyon nya. Naka-slouch na ito at sigurado syang sasakit ang leeg nito paggising.

He looked behind him at nakitang tulog si Bea at Kath. Good, walang mang-aasar.

Umusog sya ng konti at dahan-dahang inilipat ang ulo ni Hana sa balikat nya. Iniayos nya din ang kamay nya para komportable ang dalagang makahilig sa balikat nya. 

Their position is a little too sweet. Parang mag-jowa, but as long as Hana is comfortable, damn what others say or gossip about. He doesn't mind them anyway. _Gustong-gusto nya pa nga e._

"Just like the old times, Hana. Just like the old times." 

____________

Nagising si Hana sa pag-aalog ni Bea sa balikat nya.

"Ang tagal mo magising, sleeping beauty. Muntik na kita pahalikan kay Sir Se — aray naman, Kath!"

"Andito na ba tayo?" tanong nya. Actually, she can't hear Bea properly. She tends to shut everything kapag bago syang gising o naalimpungatan.

"Malapit na. Kaya ayusin mo na sarili mo jan." utos ni Kath.

"Opo, Ma." tawa nya sa kaibigan. Parang nanay kasi magsalita si Kath most of the time.

"Sarap ba tulog mo, Hana?" tanong ni Bea sa kanya, may nakakalokong ngiti sa kanyang labi.

"Oo. Nakabawi din kahit papano. Salamat sa pagpapahiram ng balikat mo, Bea." ngiti nya sa kaibigan habang inaayos ang buhok nyang nagulo na pala ng hangin.

"Ay, di ka sure jan." kinikilig nitong sabi. 

"Ha?"

"Wala, ang sabi ko — my balikat says you're welcome." tawa nito at napailing na lang sya sa kalokohan ng kaibigan.

_"ANDITO NA TAYO!"_

Finally. Pagkababa nila sa bus, diresto silang pumasok sa villa Napanganga sila sa ganda ng lugar. Who would've thought na na-afford ito ng school

"Sosyal. Kina sir Balla pala to e, sa anak nya, technically." 

"Let's enjoy na lang. Wag na natin pag-usapan kung kanino 'to. Basta ba hindi mafia o kung anong sindikato ang may-ari neto e."

Napatawa na lang sya sa mga naririnig. They got the brochure naman and she did a little research. Walang ganun na ganap. The villa was once just a small resort back then, lumago at nag-improve lang. No funny business. Mr. Balla and his family holds a great reputation naman.

"Nakatulog ka ba ng maayos?" nagulat naman sya sa biglang pag-sulpot ni Sehun sa tabi nya. 

"Ay anak ka ng kabute! Sehun!" gulat na usal nya. Tinawanan lamang sya ng binata. Kinuha nito ang maliit na maleta nyang dala at bag mula sa kamay nya at nauna nang maglakad. Liningon nya ang mga kaibigan at nakitang kasama na ni Bea si Chase at si Kath, nowhere to be found.

_Mga traydor! Luminga-linga lang sya ng saglit e._

"Dalhin ko na 'to sa kwarto mo. Si Bea naman ata ang roommate mo kaya iwan ko na lang to sa kanya. Nauna na sila ni Chase dun e."

Eto na naman sya. Acting all gentleman and sweet — it's doing things to her heart. Rumurupok na naman sya, konti na lang.

"How did you even know where my room is?" 

"Si Bea." maikling sagot nito. 

Sabi nya na nga ba, that little —

Napa-buntong hininga na lamang sya. Wala naman na syang magagawa. 

"Akin na yang bag ko. Kaya ko naman yan. Yung gamit mo na lang din ang kunin mo. Maabala pa kita."

"You will never be a bother, Han."

 _Han_. That's what he calls her before. Her friends also calls her that paminsan-minsan but iba kapa si Sehun na ang bumibigkas. Parang nagiging maganda ang pangalan nya. Sa totoo nga niyan, ay mula nung magkakilala sila, 'Han' had been solely for Sehun to use. 

_Ah, memories_. 

"Tara na. Mabigat 'to. I can't let let you carry this alone." ngumiti pa ito ng matamis, and Hana knows that she lost 

His smile was her weakness, after all.

"Salamat." sabi nya sa binata nung nasa harao na sila ng pinto ng kwarto nila ni Bea.

"Anytime, Han. Um, you want me to help you with your things inside?"

"Kaya ko na, Sehun. Nasa loob naman na ata si Bea. Sa kanya na lang ako magpapatulong. Salamat na lang ulit."

Parang may gusto pang sabihin si Sehun kaya nginitian nya ito, encouraging him to go on.

"Okay lang ba na sabay tayo mag-lunch?" tanong nito, tila nahihiya.

_Kailan pa 'to naging mahiyain?_

"HANA!" hindi na nakuhang makasagot ng dalaga dahil bigla itong niyakap ng isang babae na nakasalamin.

"JEDAH!"

"Salamat naman at nakita kita. Sobrang busy lang kasi. Oh, SEHUN!?"

"Hi, Jedah." nakangiting bati ng binata. Tumingin naman ang bagong dating sa kanilang dalawa at biglang lumaki ang mata nito.

"Hala. Nakaistorbo ata ako."

"Hindi naman, Jedah. Ano —" 

"Pagkakataon nga naman talaga, 'no? Nagkita kayo ulit. Nakakakilig naman." bigla din itong tumili at yinakap si Hana. Nagkatinginan naman silang dalawa ni Sehun.

 _Here we go again_.

"May plano ata kayo. Sige —"

"Wala naman, Jedah. Maga-lunch lang naman ako. Ilalagay ko lang to sa loob." agarang sabi ni Hana.

"Sabay na tayo." Napatingin naman si Jedah kay Sehun.

Pilit naman itong ngumiti. "Mauna na din, ako. Yayayain ko si Chase na mag-lunch. Nice to see you again, Jedah. Mauna na ako, Han." paalam nito.

She felt a little guilty with how Sehun looks so dejected. She just indirectly turned down his offer.

But, ayaw nya nang ma-misunderstood na naman sila.

"Sige, Sir Sehun. Salamat ulit."

"Nice to see you din, Sir! Naks, pangarap lang natin to dati." Jedah said, oblivious with the awkward tension sa paligid nya.

Sehun sighed for the nth time that day as he took the left wing to get to his assigned room. Nawalan na namannsya ng tsansa. Pero hindi, that won't discourage him. Nothing will. Andyan na sya ulit, and there's now way in hell would he let that slip. 

_"I'll try again tomorrow, Hana. I promise."_

Unfortunately, hindi nakasabay si Jedah sa dapat na usapang lunch dahil pinatawag sya ng Principal, which was her Tito. Jedah is the event coordinator kaya napaka-busy nito. Lagi nga itong binibiro ni Bea dahil madalang na nila ito makasama. Kahit naman noon ay napaka-busy bee nitong si Jedah. They aren't really surprised that hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ito nagbabago.

Kaya heto sila ngayong tatlo kumakain sa isang Kitchenette sa loob ng resort. 

Hana was still thinking of what happened. Medyo binabagabag sya ng malungkot na mukha ng binata nang tanggihan nya ang alok nito. 

"Regretting na hindi ka sumama kay Sir Sehun, no?" Beas teased at kunot-noo naman syang napatingin dito. How did she even know? Wala pa syang kinukwento. 

Napansin siguro ni Bea ang pagtataka nya kaya tumawa ito. "Jedah." sabi lang nito at pinakita ang cellphone. 

"Alam mo naman yun, kahit busy nakukuha pang magchismis." dugtong naman ni Kath habang pinupunasan ang bibig. 

"Muling ibalik ang pag-ibig na ba, Hanapots?" tudyo sa kanya. Bea had always been a fan of them. Ewan nya ba jan. Kaya rin siguro hindi makuha ni Hana na sabihin sa kanya ang nangyari after ng Ball. Masyado itong umasa na naging sila. Kahit hindi naman.

"Hindi. Wala naman na ibabalik. Kulit mo. Kanina ka pa, ha. " 

Bea pouts. Obviously not believing her. 

"You alwas say na wala. But your we see things otherwise." Kath says. 

Huminga muna sya ng malalim at ibinaba ang kubyertos na hawak nya. 

"I'll tell you everything. Yung tinago ko all those years kasi… ayokong magalit kayo sa kanya." 

Biglang sumeryoso ang tingin sa kanya ng mga kaibigan. 

"Hindi nya kasalanan, okay? It never was and will never be. Promise me you won't get mad at him and I'll tell you."

Nagkatinginan naman ang dalawa at tumango. Siguro ay naramdaman nila na mabigat para kay Hana ang kung ano man ang nangyari noon. 

"It's nothing serious. Chill nga kayo." nakuha pa ni Hana na tumawa. "I'll make this short. Hindi naging kami, and when I told you na walang nangyari nung gabing yun, I'm being honest. Wala."

Seeing the confusion etched on her friends face, she sighed heavily. 

Maybe it's time to let them know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me your thoughts, please? Hehe. Usap tayo! Dm me on (@itsrealnovem) Twitter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🎥🎥🎥 — PAST  
> 📝📝📝 — PRESENT
> 
> Mwah 😘

🎥🎥🎥

**2nd year, 1st sem. FS2. Library**. 

Hana was skimming her newly bought FS book, as she waits for Bea to arrive. Nagpa-copy kasi ito ng file for their next class. They have a two hour vacant before that kaya naisipan nyang hintayin na lang ang kaibigan sa Library. Kung pwede lang ay sagutan nya na ang libro, ginawa na nya. Pero naisip nya na she could use the first-hand observation at views para mas visualized ang puntong nais nyang maparating. 

She was already taking down the things she's supposed to do kapag na-deploy sila sa isang school for their Field Study. Advance kasi talaga sya minsan. 

"Hi, Ate, um, may nakaupo ba dito?" 

Hana looked up and saw his blockmate, si Sehun. The same guy na nag-sauli sa kanya ng panyo nya. How did she know his name? The question here is, who wouldn't? Besides, magkaklase sila sa ilang minors at magkasama sa iilang orgs. 

"Hi din po, Kuya." gaya nya sa 'honorifics' nito at ngumiti din. "Wala naman. You can occupy it." 

The boy beamed at her brightly and she feels that warm feeling again. Masyadong mabait ata itong blockmate nya. He's like a sunshine albeit his intimidating face. Lagi itong may ngiti sa mga labi kada nakakasalubong nya, lagi nyang naririnig na bumabati, at halos kaibigan ata ng lahat. He wasn't that socialite, sadyang maraming nakakakilala lang talaga sa kanya. Sa gwapo, talino, at pagka-active sa Student Council, it's not really a surprise. 

And yes, Hana had observed that much already. Mula nung unang beses na makita nya ito hanggang sa malaman nya na magiging kaklase nya na ito sa mga minor subjects na pareho nilang tini-take. 

"May dumi na sa mukha ko, Ate?" tanong nito, stopping from reading his book. Their was amusement in his eyes at hindi kaya ni Hana na makipagtitigan ng matagal sa binata. 

"Ah-ano, w-wala p-po, K-kuya." hala ka. Bakit ka nauutal! Nadagip ka pang nakatingin! _NAKAKAHIYA_. 

Narinig nya naman ang mahinang tawa nito at parang gusto nya nang lamunin ng lupa. 

"You don't have to call me Kuya. We're both sophomores, right? Kaklase kita sa minors." 

Kahit ata pagsasalita ng taong 'to, gwapo. Hana mentally face-palmed. _Ano ba yan!_ Hindi na sya makasagot. She's tongue-tied. Parang tanga.

"Im Sehun, pala. Sehun Stephen Oh." _Alam ko._ _Alam na_ 𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘮 𝘬𝘰. 

Inilahad naman nito ang kamay sa kanya para pormal na magpakilala. Naks. "You're Hana, right?"

𝘓𝘶𝘩. 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘺 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦? 𝘛𝘦𝘬𝘢, 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘢𝘭𝘢 𝘯𝘺𝘢 𝘢𝘬𝘰!? Nagtataka man at biglang kinabahan, Hana still took Sehun's hand.

_Sana hindi pinagpapawisan ang kamay nya ngayon._

"Ah, oo. H-hana. Hana M-Miracle Lu." 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘴𝘶𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯? 

"You have a beautiful name, Ate."

Napatawa naman sila sa biglang pag-Ate sa kanya ni Sehun. Suddenly, everything became lighter around them, again or that's just what Hana felt. 

They talked about their minors subjects, books already set aside. Nasa library sila and they were supposed to study but they were immersed in talking about how college was so challenging, how hassle it was evertime they need to take the stairs, or how the cafeteria food wasn't going to sustain their hunger after an 11am class. Napakagaan kasi nito kausap, witty, at hindi nauubusan ng sagot. He made Hana feel like she's worth a good conversation. 

Nawala na sa isip ni Hana na she should be with Bea that time or they need to be in class in the next few minutes. 

Nawala sa isipan nya ang ibang mga bagay malibansa taong kaharap nya. _Bakit ganon? Hindi nya alam._

All she know is that her new friend, Sehun was worth ditching a class for that time.

... and so as for the many other times. 

📝📝📝

"Hi, Han. Um, may nakaupo na ba dito? Can I sit here?" 

_Deja vu, much?_

Hindi alam ni Hana kung nanandya ba si universe o sadyang grabe ang coincidences na nangyayari ngayon. She didn't have to look up to see the person who asked, boses pa lang ay kilala nya na ito.

"Wala. You can sit." sagot nya naman dito. Eyes still trained on her binder.

"You still like colored pens and highlighters, huh? Still thay girl na mahilig sa colorful notes and calligraphy."

Napatingin naman sya sa kay Sehun nang sabihin ito. Ngumiti naman ito agad sa kanya when she looked up, making her heart skip a beat. 

Ngayon nya lang din napansin na may dala din itong libro at maliit na notebook at ballpen, and a tray with two mugs of coffee and two slices if chocolate chips flavored cake. 

Bakit alam nya? She knows what her favorite cake looks like. 

Kahit nagtataka kung paano nadala lahat ni Sehun ang mga gamit na nasa mesa, ay hindi na sya nagtanong. Even if there are two of her favorite things in the table, ayaw nya mag-assume na para sa kanya yun.

_No. No way_. 

She casted her head low at pinagpatuloy na lang ang pagsusulat. Mabuti na lang at Sehun was never a distraction. Hindi sya yung tipo na magugulahan si Hana sa ginagawa nya, instead he's actually a drive to let her work efficiently. They used to be study buddies after all, too. 

"Hindi ko alam if these are still your favorites but I still got it for you. Nakita kasi kitang nag-iisa dito kaya naisipan kong samahan ka. I wanted to do some notes reviewing din."

Paliwanag sa kanya ni Sehun and she stopped writing with it. Ano ba 'to? _Ano na naman ba' to?_

Why is Sehun being like this? Why is he acting like nothing happened? 

Why is he everywhere these days!?

Sa totoo lang, ayaw nya na muna ito makita. Hana's heart can't take how much he affects her, still. She wanted to forget him. 

Pero parang ayaw ata ng lalaking 'to magpalimot.

Instead of murmuring her thoughts, she tweeted them instead. Not knowing that the guy in front of her did the same. Hindi lang naman sya ang kinakabahan e. 

After tweeting her feels to calm her down, she looked at Sehun and he looks so expectant as he puts the cake and coffee on her side.

And _damn it,_ bakit hindi nya maboses na tanggihan ito!?

"Hanapots!"

"You don't drink coffee na, diba?" her friends suddenly came at hindi nya alam kung matutuwa sya o hindi dahil sa bungad nito sa kanila.

"It doesn't make you sleep at night, ikaw na mismo nagsabi sa amin." Bea said as she sat beside her. Kath remained standing as she looked at Sehun, like assessing him.

"Hello po, Sir Sehun." magalang na bati ni Bea, which was unusual. 

"Hello, Bea. Kath." Sehun smiles at them.

Tumango na lang ang dalawa.

"Order lang din ako. Samahan mo naman ako, Hana."

Kath didn't wait for Hana to answer, hinila na lang sya nito at naglakad na paalis. 

"Ang rupok mo." 

Kath whispered and rolled her eyes at Hana.

"I didn't know he'll sit there."

Tumingin naman sa kanya ang kaibigan nang makarating sila sa maliit na café sa loob ng villa. It wasn't far from the table they were at awhile ago. 

"You'll never be able to move on, Hana." 

"Psh. Ano ka ba, Kath. I already did!"

Tumaas naman ang isang kilay ng kaibigan sa sinabi nya.

"Sino ba linoloko mo? Your eyes screams just like it did back then." umiwas naman sya ng tingin at piniling magkunwari na pumipili sa menu.

"I was rooting for you both, not until you told me what happened. But honestly, I think he regrets what he did. I'm not sure, kaya ikaw na gaga ka. Wag ka muna marupok."

Natawa naman sya sa biglang pag-shift ng mood ni Kath. After nyang makwento ang talagang nangyari sa kanila noon, they promised to stop giving meaning to everything Sehun does. Kanya-kanya din silang reaksyon, but hindi naman sila galit sa binata. They weren't in the position to be mad, and Hana told them he wasn't at fault. Naging isang mabuting kaibigan lang naman talaga yung tao.

She sounded bitter, but that's all they were. 

_Friends_.

Malalim ang iniisip ni Sehun habang nakatingin sa kisame ng kwarto nya. He sighed. Ganon pala yung pakiramdam na hindi na ikaw ang laging inuuna. Ganito din siguro yung naramdaman nya nung sya naman yung nakalimot. 

Masakit. _And his guilt doubled_. 

Nang marinig nya ang pagbukas sara ng pinto ay bumangon sya. Alam nya namang kukulitin sya ng kaibigan maya-maya lang.

Tinext nya kasi ito na may binili syang chocolate chips flavored cake at coffee, the ones that Hana didn't take. Ayaw nya namang masayang. Might as well share it with his friend, kahit alam nya sa sarili that it would taste better with her.

Papagalitan na naman sya ni Chase na gumastos na naman sya para sa sobra. Hindi naman e. Hindi lang talaga tinanggap.

"Sehun!"

Rinig nyang sigaw ng kaibigan mula sa kusina ng kanilang tinutuluyang kwarto. Ang lahat ng kwarto sa resort ay parang apartment na pwede for two. Depende kung anong accommodation ang gusto mo. May kusina na din at living room space.

Pagkalabas nya nang kwarto nya ay nakasalubong nya si Chase na dala ang cake at bitbit ang laptop nito. Papunta ito sa living room at sinenyasan syang sumunod. 

Mukhang mapagsasabihan na naman nga sya. 

"Tatawag daw si Toff." Tawag meaning video call.

Nasa Singapore kasi ang kaibigan. Minsanan lang umuwi dahil abala ito sa pag-aasikaso sa sariling negosyo. Sa kanilang tatlo, Toff was the one that didn't pursue teaching. Sabi nya kasi nag-teacher lang sya dahil iyon ang kinuha ng mga kaibigan nya. But Toff had always wanted to dance. Laman ito ng mga dancing contest at kasama sa troupe noong. Kaya hindi na rin sila nagtaka na after itong pagkatiwalaan ng mga negosyo ng mga magulang ay nagpatayo din ito ng sariling Dance Studio. 

"Para naman yumaman ako." sagot nito nang minsan natanong nila kung bakit ang dami nyang ganap sa buhay. Pero they know their friend, he's living his life the way he wanted to. _The way he is supposed to._

"Hi mga tropapips!" 

Masiglang bati ni Toff sa kanila. Kita niya ang ngiti ng kaibigan sa screen kahit kitang-kita nila ang mga papel sa dest nito. Napangiti na lang sya. Who'd have thought na ang antuking si Toffie, ay magiging isang successfull na businessman, and he is so proud of him. 

Sehun was the youngest sa grupo, but for him, Toffie was. 

"Para ka na namang bata, Kristoffer." saway ng panganay slash Kuya nila. Chase had always been the mature one. Buraot nga lang. 

"Tamo 'to. Oh, ano ganap?" 

Napatingin naman si Chase sa kanya. "May gusto ata tong ikwento si Stephen e." nakuha pang ngumisi ng gago. 

"Don't call me that." There's only one person that calls him Stephen and that's Hana. 

"Ay, bakit?" asar din ni Toff. Umiling na lang sya at hindi na nagsalita. 

"So bakit ka bumili nito?" tinuro ni Chase ang cake. "The coffee tastes disgusting so I threw it. Ang pangit na talaga ng lasa ng kape kapag malamig na."

"Sana all may cake." 

"Toff, parang hindi mo kayang bumili ng ganto. Kahit ilang layers pa." 

"Sayang lang naman kasi. Ako lang naman kakain. Bawal na nyan sina Mama." sagot naman ng kaibigan while shuffling the papers on his desk. Nasa opisina pa ata ang mokong. 

"Kaya nga no? Sayang kapag bumibili ka ng marami tapos hindi mo naman pala kakainin. Tapos ibibigay mo sa kaibigan mo na alam nyang tight ang diet." Sabi ni Chase habang nakatingin sa kanya. 

"Wait, Kuya. I'm lost. Ano pinagsasabi mo jan?" Chase rolled his eyes dahil sa sagot ni Toffie. Lagi talaga late sa balitang ang isa. 

"Sehun bought a cake and coffee for two. He didn't buy it for me. Because alam nyo naman ayoko sa cake and I don't drink black coffee." 

"Para kanino? Gusto ba nyan mag-palpitate? Dala-dalawa talaga kape? Di ka na lang nag-Grande, tol." sagot ni Toff na hindi pa rin nakukuha ang punto ng Kuya nya. 

"He bought it for Hana and him." 

Bahagyang lumaki naman ang mata ni Toffie at natawa. 

"Jusko. You don't even like those things you bought. " 

Napaiwas naman ng tingin si Sehun. "What happened ba?" 

Chase looked at him again at sumandal sa sofa, waiting for him to answer. 

"Wala."

"Wala daw. Tinanggihan ka tapos wala?" 

Wow. It stung more kapag galing sa iba. Maybe he needed to talk about this to his friends. Not every thing, but kahit man lang ito. 

"I just... I just don't think Hana likes me anymore." 

There he said it and it made Sehun feel the fear he had before — losing her. 

"Huh? Dude. It's been 2 years. Malamang. Don't tell me iniinsip mo pa rin na gusto ko nung tao hanggang ngayon. Hindi na tayo college, uy." 

Chase saw how Sehun's eyes turned dim. Kaya tinignan nya ng masama si Toff at sinaway. "Toffie, not helping." Tumahimik naman ito kaagad. 

"Paano mo naman nasabi ba hindi ka na nya gusto?" tanong ni Chase. 

"I don't know, I just... felt it. Tama naman si Toff e. It's been two years. Hindi lang siguro ako sanay na she didn't take the things I gave her. Hana never made me feel... that I'm not appreciated nor the things that I do. Akala ko kasi I'm still doing the things we both did before. I thought gusto nya pa rin yung mga bagay na natatandaan kong gusto nya noon. I guess mali na naman ako. She seems uncomfortable with me around. Akala ko nung nakita ko sya ulit, makakabawi na ako. But I guess, time won't let me fix what I broke before and I feel so disappointed because I prayed for this. Pinagdasal ko na sana makita ko sya ulit ng harapan para makabawi ako. Para matama ko yung mali ko, pero —"

Napayuko si Sehun matapos nyang sabihin ang nararamdaman nya sa mga kaibigan. 

"So susuko ka na just because of that? Ang hina mo naman pala e." Chase says at umangal naman si Toffie. "Huy, Kuya." 

"What? I'm saying the truth. Mahina ka pa rin."

Sehun knows that. Mula noon, hanggang ngayon — mahina pa rin sya. 

"Teka lang muna, ha. Do you like Hana, Sehun? Like really, really like. In a romantic way. Hindi platonic" Toffie asked for a confirmation. 

"I don't." agad nyang sagot. 

Chase just sat there looking at him, while Toffie seems to not like the answer. "E gago ka pala e. Papa-asahin mo na naman ba y—" 

But Sehun didn't let him finish.

"I'm in love with her. Noon pa."


	4. Chapter 4

📝📝📝

On the third day of their convention, masayang lumabas si Hana sa function hall ng resort. She quite enjoyed the topic for today. Especially that it's about Teaching in the 21st century. Hindi naman sya ganoon katanda, but somehow gusto nyang maging fully equipped and in-the-know with everything when it comes to Modern Teaching. Kahit pa may mga given pros and cons ito.

Running pointers in her head, while pondering kung anong pwede nyang meryendahan that afternoon, naisipan nyang magkape na lang.

"Coffee, really?" 

Tinanggihan nya lang yung kape na ibinigay sa kanya ni Sehun kahapon ngayon gusto nya na magkape. 

Totoo naman na ayaw nya na uminom ng kape kahit nangangati na ang dila nya sa mainit at mapait-namis nitong lasa.

She misses her daily dose of coffee, _especially yung nagbibigay._ Erase! She did not just think of that!

With a whine, she stopped eyeing the coffee machine and just sat down on a nearby coffee table. Mag-aayos na lang uli sya ng notes sa laptop nya. No coffee ee thoughts. 

Hana was busy typing her notes when a cup of coffee was put beside her.

"Decaf. So you won't have too much caffeine but still enjoy coffee once in a while."

So much for not thinking about coffee and her coffee supplier back then. 

Sehun sat in front of her and smiled. She wanted to return the drink, pero gustong-gusto nya na talaga mag-kape. Odd.

Yung kape lang ba talaga ang gusto nya?

"Thank you, Sir." 

"Hana?" tawag nito sa kanya.

"Hmm?" she hummed in response as she sips her coffee.

"Hindi ako susuko sa'yo." muntik ng maibuga ni Hana ang kapeng iniinom sa laptop nya. Buti na lang at natakpan nya agad ang bibig.

"What?" gulat nyang tanong after cleaning herself up with the help of the tissues na inabot sa kanya ni Sehun.

"Are you okay?" he asked instead. 

"Yeah, ano yung sabi mo kanina?" paos nyang tanong sa binata. Mabuti hindi sya napaso! 

"I said, hindi ako susuko sa'yo."

_Ha!?_

"What do you mean?" she muses, confused.

But instead of answering her, ngumiti lang ito sa kanya at tumayo na para magpaalam. 

"I'll show it to you instead." and before she could even ask him what it meant, he kissed her forehead. She stilled. He always did that before. 

But why? _Why now?_

"Don't stress yourself too much, Han. I'll see you later." one last oat on her head and he's off. Leaving Hana with her eyes wide with surprise and with her heart – loud and alive.

𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥.

**Kinabukasan (Day 4, Seminar)**

Hindi naman mapigilan ang ngiti na umunat sa mga labi ni Hana nang makita ang packed sandwiches na nakalagay sa container at sticky note na nakalagay dito.

"Ay, ano yan? Galing kay Sir Sehun? Naks." napatalon naman sa gulat si Hana ng magsalita si Bea sa tabi nya. 

"Nanggugulat ka naman eh!" singhal ni Hana sa kaibigan.

"Masyado ka kasing kinikilig, ano ba yan. Kanina pa ako dito." tawa naman ni Bea.

"Ayan na ba yung ' _hindi ako susuko sa'yo'_ na ganap ni Sir?" asar nito.

"In fairness, he remembers." napatingin naman ulit si Hana sa hawak na container. She bit her lower lip para hindi mangiti. Nung isang araw lang nung sabihan sya ni Sehun na hindi ito susuko sa kanya.

She thought it was nothing, well, she made herself think it was nothing.

But the day after, may delivery sya ng isang decaf at banana bread with a note saying:

**_"Good morning, Hana. Breakfast? Please don't skip meals, okay?_ **

**_Have a wonderful Tuesday._ **

**_— Stephen."_ **

and here it is again. She'll admit it. Kinikilig sya sa inaasta ng binata. She didn't expect him to do this. For what? Kahit may sagot sya na gusto nyang paniwalaan ay hindi nya iyon in-entertain. If action speaks louder than words, then words gives definite meaning to actions.

Ayaw nya mag-assume, _ulit_.

"Tara na, Hanapots. Baka ma-late tayo sa seminar. Pagalitan tayo."

Hana shook his head and put the packed sandwiches in her bag. Guess she'll thank Sehun later.

"Iba talaga ang ngiti kapag sya ang dahilan, 'no?" biro sa kanya ni Bea habang papuntang function hall.

"Sinasabi mo jan?"

"Deny pa yan oh." turo naman nito sa _NAKANGITI_ nyang mga labi. "Eh ano yan?" 

"Tamis ng ngiting dala ni Sir Sehun Stephen? Sus." napailing na lang sya sa pang-aasar ng kaibigan habang patuloy sila sa paglalakad patungo sa function hall. 

Hindi nya man kasi aminin, ay totoo ang sinabi ni Bea.

Walang ibang tao na kayang magpangiti sa kanya ng ganito.

_Walang iba kundi si Sir Sehun Stephen Oh._

"Good Morning, Han."

"Speaking of the devil." rinig nyang bulong ni Bea sa tabi nya.

Bigla naman syang napatingin sa papalapit na binata habang nakangiting lumalapit sa kanya.

_Yeah, speaking of the handsome devil._

"Thanks?" he chuckled. 

"Then, if I'm a demon — are you my angel, Hana?" 

Hana stood frozen in shock. Anakng tinapa! Did she really say that out loud? 

At ano daw? _Angel? Luh._

"Let's tone down the mushy comments ano po. Ang early pa, nangangamatis na 'tong kaibigan ko, oh!" Umakbay pa si Bea sa kanya, wiggling her eyebrows at siniko nya naman ito. 

"Aray, ha! Nahuli ka lang na namumula e." daing ni Bea. 

"Hindi ako namumula!" pagtanggi nya at diretso iwas sa dalawa. 

Hindi nya na pinansin ang pagtawa ng kaibigan, at dumiretso na papasok sa function hall. She didn't even say goodbye to Sehun nor tell him thanks for the sandwich he prepared for her. Gusto nya na lang lamunin ng lupa dahil sa kahihiyan. Si Bea kasi e!

Tinapik-tapik nya ang mukha hoping that the obvious redness of her face would fade. She's looking around to see if Kath already reserved them seats. 

"Nang-iwan talaga?" inakbayan sya bigla ng kaibigan habang tumatawa pa rin ito. "Tumigil ka nga, Bea." asik nya sa kaibigan. 

"Halata ka kasi masyado, friend. Natulala ka na e." inirapan nya lang ito, at saka itinuro kung asan ang isa pa nilang kaibigan. Wanting to actually end the topic.

"Andun si Kath, tara na nang makaupo na tayo." 

"Hahahaha. Hayy, Hana. Hindi mo na lang kasi amining mahal mo pa sya." Umiling pa ito bago umupo sa tabi ni Kath, at ito naman ang inabala. 

Mahal nya? Aaminin? Tsk. 

_Para saan pa?_

_**Chase** _

Ngiting-ngiti, ah. Kilig yan? Hahaha. 

Iba pala talaga ang Saya ala Hana, no? 

Nagpapagwapo. 👀

**_Sehun Stephen_ **

Manahimik ka, gago. 

But to fee your curiosity, tama ka. 

Iba talaga ang Saya Ala Hana.

_**Chase** _

Whipped amp. HAHAHAHAHAHA

**12:09 pm.**

Their discussion today was pretty fun. Kwela at mapag-biro ang speaker nila today kaya siguro ay wala sa kanila ang nakapansin ng oras. 

They were supposed to have lunch by 11:30 but they got extended. Hana doesn't mind, tho. Not until she heard his stomach growling. 

"Labas tayo, Hanapots. Nag-crave ako ng Chicken ala king e. Hindi naman siguro masama mag-fast food once in awhile." Bea was grabbing Katherine's hand like a child, kaya todo irap at iwas ang huli. 

"Once in a while? Halos araw-arawin mo nga e." tawa nya.

"Tara na!" sasama sana ang dalaga ng maalala nya na meron syang packed sandwich. It was fit for a diet, and Hana thinks na yun na lang muna ang kakainin nya. Sayang naman kasi.

_Si Sir Sehun pa naman ang nagbigay_. 

Umiling-iling si Hana with the sudden thought that popped in her head. So what ba kung sya nagbigay, ayaw nya lang talgaa masayang yung pagkain.

Hindi yung effort ng nagbigay. 

Yung pagkain talaga. 

"Ayaw mo sumama, Hanapots?" Bea pouts. 

"Next time na lang. Kayo na muna. Dito na lang ako kakain. Pabili na lang ako ng float, ha."

Hindi na sya pinilit ng mga kaibigan na sumama sa kanila. Bea was impatient kapag gutom kaya nagpadala na lamang si Kath sa kanya.

Hana decided to eat at the small garden sa loob ng resort. May mga benches and tables naman doon fit for picnics kaya habang may 2 hours lunch break sila ay dun nya na muna papalipasin ang oras nya.

She took out her things from her bag including the sandwich Sehun gave her. Hinati nya ang isang piraso sa dalawa so she could take a bite, and Hana hums with how good it taste. 

Iba talaga kapag (si ̶S̶̶e̶̶h̶̶u̶̶n̶ ̶a̶̶n̶̶g̶ ̶g̶̶u̶̶m̶̶a̶̶w̶̶a̶) home-made. 

"Do you like it?" napaubo naman bigla si Hana sa biglaang pagsulpot ng Sehun aa likod nya.

Agad naman nitong inabot ang water bottle sa kanya at hinagod ang likod dahil panay ang ubo nya.

Muntik ng bumara yung sandwich sa lalamunan nya sa gulat! 𝘌𝘹𝘢𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥, 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘰 𝘣𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘢 𝘬𝘢𝘴𝘪 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘬𝘢𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘬𝘢𝘱𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘢 '𝘵𝘰. 

"Sorry for startling you." paumanhin ni Sehun ng makainom sya ng tubig at kumalma.

"Don't sneak around on people like that! Naku ka, Sehun. Di ka pa rin nagbabago."

Umiling-iling pa sya. Oblivious na she just spoke as if she remembers all of his silly antics back then. 

𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴. 

Gusto nya mang bawiin ang sinabi ay hindi nya na naituloy dahil ngiting-ngiti na sa kanya ang binata, na ngayo'y nakaupo na sa harapan nya.

𝘉𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘵 𝘯𝘢𝘬𝘢𝘶𝘱𝘰 𝘬𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘰? She wanted to ask but she couldn't find her voice.

There is something in his smile that always rendered her speechless.

Yung ngiti nya kasi, yun yung tipo ng ngiti ayaw mong mawala sa mga labi nya.

Napansin nyang napatagal na ang titigan nilang dalawa kaya namumula syang umiwas ng tingin.

"Kain ka pa. Lampas alas dose na din at masama na malipasan ka ng gutom. Acidic ka pa naman."

Why Sehun still remembers that, she doesn't know. Tumango na lamang sya dito at pinagpatuloy na kainin ang sandwich nya.

"Salamat nga pala dito. Masarap." Hana remembered na hindi pa pala sya nakakapag-pasalamat dito, and now's the right time to do so.

"Thank you for accepting it. Masaya ako na nagustuhan mo." ngiti ulit nito sa kanya at saka kumagat sa sarili nitong sandwich.

_'Ah, pareho silang dalawa. Sabagay, sya yung gumawa e. Malamang.'_

"Bakit ko naman tatanggihan. Pagkain din 'to, no?"

Hana awkwardly laughs. Natataranta sya e. Sehun's voice was soft, na parang masayang-masaya nga ito na tinanggap nya yung ihinanda nito para sa kanya.

"Akala ko kasi hindi mo tatanggapin kasi —"

"I'm your friend, Sir Sehun. Friends share sandwiches, right?"

Hana is trying to avoid anything that could make them talk about what happened in college. Civil naman sya dito, she doesn't have to act like ex nya ito or something. So sana hindi din nito maisipan na i-bring up yun.

Biglang nawala ang kaninang kinang sa mga mata nito. His smile also faltered but still remained on his face. Tumango lang ito, but not completely agreeing with the thought.

Sehun said na hindi sya susuko, and he won't.

And the label _"friends"_ will not make him stop.

They continue to eat in silence with Sehun glancing at Hana every now and then. 

Kung napapansin man ito ng dalaga ay hindi ito nagkomento. She just continued finishing her sandwich, looking everywhere but the boy in front of her.

"Kumusta pala yung naging trabaho mo dati?" pagsisimula ni Sehun.

"Hell." maikling tugon ni Hana. "The pay was bad. The schedule and quota was just unjust. It was bad." she chuckles pero walang bahid ng tuwa ang tono nya.

"Then why did you stay there for too long?" hindi alam ni Hana kung paano nalaman iyon ni Sehun, kaya nagtatakang napatingin sya dito.

"Chase told me." 𝘈𝘩.

"Panganay e." Sehun didn't need an explanation for that to understand.

Natapos na nila ang pagkain nila, exhanging little stories about their jobs. Something 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴 usually do.

Hana set that boundary and she was glad Sehun didn't mind it

"Nakakahanga ka pa rin." biglang sabi nito at ngumiti pa ito sa kanya ng pagkatamis-tamis.

"Nakaka-proud ka." Hana didn't know how to respond. She heard that line several times already, maybe not from her parents but from her friends, pero iba ang naging epekto ng si Sehun na ang nagsabi.

Parang ito yung unang pagkakataon na sinabihan sya ng ganun.

"S-salamat."

"Sana maging masaya ka na sa trabaho mo ngayon. Alam kong mahirap ang lahat ng trabaho, pero hindi maganda na hayaan mong ubusin ka ng trabaho mo."

Hinawakan nito ang kamay nyang nakapatong sa mesa, giving her a gentle smile. 

"Hindi din masama na piliin mo ang sarili mo paminsan-minsan." tugon nito. 

She looked at his eyes at gustong-gusto nyang malunod muli sa lalim ng mga magagandang mata nito.

But the stares were short lived as phone rang. Agad na umiwas sya ng tingin at binawi ang kanyang kamay mula sa pagkakahawak nito.

Sehun frowns at the caller's ID, and cancels the call.

"Hana —"

Pero bago pa man nya makuha muli ang atensyon ng dalaga, ay muling tumunog ang cellphone nya.

Hana sighs.

"Sagutin mo na. Baka importante." she deadpans.

"Hindi—"

"Tumatawag na naman, oh." 

Sehun closes his eyes, tila nagpipigil ng inis and Hana doesn't know why he's suddenly acting that way.

"S-sige. Saglit lang 'to, ha." with a heavy step, Sehun walked a few distance so he could answer his phone.

He was hoping na sana hintayin sya ng dalaga. But after the longest 5 minute-call, Hana was gone. All she left was a clean table, neatly stacked books, and an empty feeling in Sehun's heart.

He didn't hate the caller, but at that moment he did. He frustratingly brushed his hands along his hair and sighed.

"Badtrip naman e."

Upon entering the hall, hindi na maipinta ang mukha ni Sehun. Hindi naman talaga kasalanan ng tumawag. In fact, alam nya na gusto lang nito mag-update tungkol sa pinapagawa nya dito at magtanong kung kailan nya makikilala si Hana. Yes, si Hana. But it doesn't mean na hindi na sya pwede mainis. 

Agad na napansin ng kaibigan ang pagbabago ng mood ni Sehun kaya agad sya nitong kinalabit. 

"Oh, anong nangyari sa'yo? Kanina lang ang laki ng ngiti mo tapos ngayon —" 

Chase stopped asking when he saw his friend looking at someone across where they were sitting. Nang sundan nya ito ng tingin, he saw Hana with Bea. 

Bea was listening attentively to the discussion pero she checks her friend from time to time. Mukha din kasi itong wala sa sarili, pareho pala silang bantay ngayon ng kaibigan. Then it suddenly hits him, si Hana ang dahilan kung bakit ganito na naman ang si Sehun. _Sino pa naman, diba?_ And by the looks of it, sobrang nag-aalala na naman ang kaibigan sa dalaga. 

"Ano na naman ang nangyari?" 

"Wala." Itinuon na lang nag binata ang tingin sa unahan, but his eyes shows how much he wanted to go to her. 

Napailing na lang si Chase. There's no way na hindi nya mapipiga ang kaibigan para magsalita. 

"Parang konti na lang sasabog ka na. Aligaga ka masyado. Ano ba talaga ang nangyari, ha?" 

Hinilamos lang ni Sehun ang kamay sa kanyang mukha at hinawakan ang kanyang buhok na parang nagpipigil ng kaba. He breathed heavily. 

"Just... Wrong timing, okay?" Halata sa boses nito ang kaba. 

"The last time she walked away. She didn't come back. I'm afraid na mauulit yon. Nasa kalagitnaan kami ng pag-uusap, and I saw it, Chase. Her walls. I was ready to start climbing pero... she called. I know it's not her fault but —" 

"Teka." Chase cuts of Sehun's rambling and ask him to tone it down. Nasa loob pa rin sila ng function hall at may nagsasalita sa unahan. 

"Okay, who's the 'she' first?" 

"Mina."

"Your ex?" 

Napayuko si Sehun. He kept mum. Kung magpapaliwanag sya, he wants Hana to be the first one to hear his side. 

"I feel like I lost the chance again, Chase."

"No, you didn't. Ano ka ba. Nagsisimula ka pa lang. Nasaan na yung matapang kong kaibigan, ha? Buraot na lang ba talaga sya? Subok pa, 'tol. Gusto mo makabawi, diba?" 

He nods. 

"Then prove it."

Tama nga si Chase. He should. No matter how high her walls are, hindi sya susuko.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little something about Chase and Bea at the end. 👀

🎥🎥🎥

2nd year, 2nd sem. 

The college library became her haven. 

Si Hana kasi yung tipo ng tao na mahilig sa libro. She's fascinated of how words can make her feel — kaya adik ang lola nyo sa romance novels, myths, at kung anu-ano pang katha na pwedeng idugtong sa pag-ibig. 

Wala e, Hana is a hopeless 18 year old girl. 

Nasa kalagitnaan sya ng pagbabasa para sa isang Major subject nya, which was Mythology, kaya focus na focus sya. She's a fan of Greek Myth kaya kahit nasa ikatlo pa itong session ay pinag-aaralan nya na. Tapos nya na rin naman basahin ang iba. 

"Maduduling ka na nyan." rinig nyang puna ng taong bumabagabag na sa katinuan nya simula freshman days. 

"Oh, meryenda. Iniwan mo na naman daw sina Bea, and I knew that you'll be here. I'm correct." inabutan sya nito ng banana que at palamig. A bad combo pero yun mag trip nilang kainin kapag ganitong oras. Bakit ba? At dahil wala naman yung nagbabantay, walang sisita if they ate the library. You need fuel while studying, you know. 

Umupo naman sa tabi nya ang binata at kinuha ang mga gamit na kakailanganin nya. Mukhang may ipapasa na naman itong paper kinabukasan. 

"Huy, Han. Nga pala, I saw your name at the DLs ulit, ah. Naks. Nakakahanga naman."

Tumingin naman sya rito at parang kailangan nya at ng oxygen. Ang ganda talaga ng ngiti isang Sehun Stephen Oh. Hana often wonders why he's not in the sky, because he is literally as bright as the sun. 

"Kung makapagsalita 'to, parang sya hindi." she laughs as she tried so hard to look away. Umiinit na yung pisngi nya e. Nabibilad. Namumula. Kinikilig, ngiti pa lang. 

"Nah, ikaw yan e. Syempre I'll be happy." 

Hindi namalayan ni Hana na sinusuklian nya na pala ang mga ngiti nito habang nakatingin sa kanya. Nakatitig. 

"Gwapo ko na naman ba, Han?" Mayabang. Pero totoo nga naman. 

"Saan banda?" tawa nya at diretso iwas uli ng tingin. Walang aamin dito. Wala. 

"Tignan mo ako tapos ikaw magsabi kung saan banda." 

Up for a challenge, kahit alam naman nating lahat ng banda su mukha ng binata ay gwapo, humarap pa rin si Hana dito. 

Sehun was smiling widely, cheeks puffy, eyes turning into crescents and damn, mali atang desisyon ang tumingin. Nakakasilaw. Hana, ano ba! 

Even with his eyes crinkling as he smiles, Hana knows how deep they are. Na parang hihigupin ka sa bawat titig at wala kang magiging kawala. Yung sana mapang-asar nyang ngiti ay biglang nawala. 

Nagkatitigan. Matagal. Walang bumitaw. 

Hana wonders yet again how could a man exist looking this good o para sa kanya lang? Hindi nya alam. Hindi nya din alam kung gaano katagal na silang magkatitigan. Her heart is pounding loud in his chest, parang gusto kumawala. 

Malakas. 

Rinig na rinig nya. 

"Ang ganda pala ng —" hindi na natapos ni Sehun ang sana'y sasabihin nya nang tumunog ang cellphone ng binata na nasa mesa. 

Pareho silang napatingin doon, at kahit mabilis na hinablot ni Sehun ang kanyang telepono ay nabasa pa rin nya ang caller's ID. 

Mina. 

Ang kaninang mahika na parang bumalot sa kanila ay biglang nawala. 

"A-ah. Sagutin ko lang 'to saglit." at tumayo na ito para sagutin ang nasabing tawag. 

Mina? Sino yun? Hana was curious. Pero wala naman sya sa lugar para magtanong.

Naalala nya bigla ang sana' y sasabihin ng binata. Napangiti ulit sya. Ano kaya yung maganda? Sya? Yung mga mata nya? Hala. Umasa na. 

Umiling-iling na lamang sya at nagpatuloy magbasa habang umiinom ng palamig na dala ni Sehun. 

Makalipas ang ilang minutong pagbabasa ay napakunot - noo sya. Matatpos na nya ang isang chapter pero pero wala pa rin ang binata. Asan na ba yun? 

She stacked his things into a neat pile para hindi ito makalat pagbalik nya. Itinabi nya na rin ang mga pagkain at ibinalot ng maayos para hindi sila mapagalitan. 

When she was about to stand up para silipin sana ang binata nang pumasok muli ito sa library. Pero kung kanina'y nakangiti ito, ngayon ay wala na. Instead, there's a scowl on his face. 

"Una na ako, Hana. May kakausapin lang ako." 

"Sige-" hindi na nakapaalam si Hana ng maayos sa binata nang agad itong tumalikod at umalis matapos kunin ang mga gamit nya. 

"Ingat ka." mahinang bulong nya sa hangin. 

Hulinh klase nya na ng binata mamaya kaya sigurado syang hindi nya na ito makakasabay ngayong araw. Bigla naman syang nalungkot, parang bumigat kasi yung pakiramdam nito after ng tawag. Ano kayang nangyari? Sana ay maayos lang sya. Mas nangingibabaw pa rin ang pag-aalala nya para dito kesa paghihinayang hindi nya ito nakasama ng matagal. 

"Nakakabadtrip naman. Wrong timing yung tawag. Pero sana ay ayos lang sya." bulong nya sa sarili at nagpatuloy na lang mag-aral. 

Hindi nya alam, lumingon pabalik ang binata sa kinatatayuan nito at bumulong ng isang tahimik na paumanhin sa kanyang direksyon. 

"Babawi na lang ako, Hana." 

📝📝📝

Sehun tried to talk to Hana again after the seminar for the day. He really did. Kaso bago pa man nya matawag ang pangalan nito, she already left the hall with hurried steps.

It didn't help that her friends glared at him for no reason.

_Galit ba ito? May nagawa ba sya? Dahil ba sa tawag? Dahil ba kay Mina?_

Hindi naman aasta ng ganon ang mga kaibigan nito kung wala, diba?

Naramdaman nyang may tumapik sa balikat nya at lingunin nya ito, Chase greeted him with a small smile.

"Nakausap mo?" tanong nito.

"Hindi e. Mukhang nagmamadali." he sighed. 

"Bibili lang ako ng decaf at cake." paalam nya sa kaibigan. 

"Para sakin?"

"Tanga, hindi. Kay Hana. She didn't have any coffee today."

"Boyfriend duties ulit?" kantyaw nito sa kanya habang paounta sila sa café. 

"Ulit?"

"Yeah, ulit. You used to do that before nung MAGKAIBIGAN kayo. Ay, magkaibigan pa rin naman pala kayo. My bad."

If he wasn't as affected with how Chase emphasized the 'magkaibigan' part, baka nasuntok nya na ang kaibigan. But he was, so he stayed quiet.

"Wrong joke, sorry."

Hindi na lang sya nagsalita. Instead he focused on what cake to give her today.

However, before they can even reach the café ay napatigil na sya sa paglalakad.

"Oh. Bumili na."

Nakita nila na papalabas ng café ang dalaga, a coffee in her hand.

"Today was supposed to be the 4th day." bulong nya. 

"Huh?"

He doesn't know why a single cup of coffee made his mood go down. 

Maybe because he hoped it would be a thing now. Him giving her daily decaf every afternoon.

"I'll do it again tomorrow, I guess I was late today." he mumbles to himself.

Chase frowns at his friend. "Hindi ka na magmemeryenda?"

"Hindi na. Ikaw na lang. I'm..." he trailed off. Hindi kasi nya alam ang gagawin. He can fix his notes, but today — he didn't have any. Gusto nyang sundan si Hana but he feels that the latter isn't feeling well.

Why? That he wants to know. He's bothered alright, but hindi nya naman magawang magtanong.

He doesn't know why he feels like he screwed up. Maybe because he saw the disappointment in Hana's eyes when his phone kept ringing.

He isn't any different. He was hoping that he was a step higher from the ground in climbing the wall Hana built around herself.

"Natulala ka na, .. ayos ka lang ba, Sehun?" Chase snapped his fingers in front of his face to get him back.

"Y-yeah. Just tired. Una na ako." hindi nya na hinintay na makasagot ang kaibigan at tumalikod na.

Maybe next time. 

Hana went to the living room with her laptop in hand. She thought of keeping herself busy para hindi nya maisip ang nangyari kanina. It wasn't a big deal, but to her it kinda was.

_Mina. How could she forget about her? How could she forget about the girl he chose?_

Hindi naman sya galit dito. No, she will never hold her pain against anyone. But if he's still with her, why is he doing all this? Na parang he's still the college boy Sehun Stephen Oh when they're already years ahead of that?

His actions are confusing her, again. And no, she can't let that happen. She can't be confused again.

She cannot waver again. Sehun Stephen Oh is one of her weaknesses. Hana can't lose herself because of im anymore. The scars he left are still there. _Hindi pa tapos maghilom._

But what if gusto lang ng binata na mag-sorry. For what, tho? He doesn't have to apologize for not loving her. Or for being oblivious.

He doesn't need to apologize for breaking her heart when he didn't even ask for it. _He can't take care if something he doesn't know he's holding._

"Stop thinking, Hana!" Her thoughts are too much. 

"Stop thinking about what?" 

"Sehun. WAIT — NO, I wasn't thinking about him." 

Hana just grumbles as Bea laughs. Umupo ito sa couch sa harapan nya at tinignan syang maigi. 

"You really can't lie, Hana." 

Having no possible coherent reply sa sinabi ng kaibigan, binuksan nya na lang ang laptop nya kahit hindi naman nya alam kung ano ang gagawin nya doon. 

"Kanina pa namin napapansin na tahimik ka. Ayos ka lang ba?" 

"Yeah, of course." sagot nya habang naghahanap mg file na pwede nyang i-edit. 

"Sir Sehun did something, didn't he?" 

Napatigil sya sa pag-scroll sa documents nang marinig ang pangalan ng binata. 

"Jedah said he kept looking at you kanina. Napansin nga din namin. We saw you at the garden, you know. Kaya hindi ka na namin tinawag. What happened?" 

Hana sighs. 

"Remember Mina?" 

Tumango naman si Bea. "I think they're still together." 

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh." 

"How are you sure that they're still together?" Bea aks after a pause. Hana just shrugs.

"Siguro, that day will always stay here." Hana points her finger to her head. "and here." then she points to her heart. 

"Everything I've heard. Everything I saw in that one night, will always make me remember that I was so desperate to be chosen that I forgot na hindi nga naman pala ako parte ng pagpipilian."

"Hana..." 

Hana smiles and looks at her friend, "I should guard my heart more don't you think? I can't let him in again."

Bea smiled understandingly. "But how will you guard your heart from someone who's already inside it?" 

Hana doesn't answer. 

_@beatricebyun posted a tweet._

@itshanamiracle :( 

#SameThoughts

"And I thought you were the human form of fire. I didn't think you'd do me any harm, how could something so mesmerizing cause any destruction."

— excerpt from a book I will never write

📍Chillin' at Resto Balla Cafe. 

The tweet notification he received made Chase change his direction. Instead of going to the poolside like he does every afternoon to chill, he decided to go to the Cafe. 

"I had the sudden urge to have coffee." Chase smiles as he enters Resto Balla Cafe. The ambiance is calm like everything in the resort. 

The place was huge. Like a villa. Halos mayroon nang isang baranggay sa loob nito and Chase won't start thinking kung gaano kalaki ang nagastos dito. 

When he entered the Cafe, he easily spotted Bea. How could he not? The girl had been on his life as long as he remembers. From primary years to college. Minsan nga ay nagtataka sya kung bakit hindi pa ito nagsasawa sa kanya. He knows about Bea's 'infantuation'. But for years, he had set it aside because he only sees her as a sister. 

However, things gradually changed. Like he did. Kahit may mga pagkakataon na Bea would show how she fancied him, Chase knew it wasn't the same. Parang mas open pa sya sa nararamdaman nya sa mga kaibigan, kesa sa kanya. Sya yung gusto, diba? Bakit hindi na sa kanya ipinapakita? 

Chase didn't know. For now, he needs to ask Bea about her tweet. 

"Hi, Luna." tawag nya sa first name ng dalaga. Yes, her real name is Luna Beatrice Byun. She doesn't use Luna dahil, well, ayaw nya. She's called Bea all her life, si Chase lang talaga itong asungot. 

Napatingin naman sa kanya ang dalaga at agad syang sinimangutan. "Luna ka nang Luna. Ys-ma-el." Now, it was his turn to frown. Napakamakaluma talaga ng pangalan nyang iyon. 

"Ano ginagawa mo dito? You don't even like coffee." 

"Iced Americano exist, Luna. I can tolerate that." 

"Ang weird mo. Kape pa rin naman yun. " Bea rolled her eyes at natawa na lamang sya dito. Typical Bea. 

"As weird as your tweet?" 

"Huh? Kape ang pinag-uusapan natin dito." 

"I saw your tweet." He tilted his head and smiled. "Tagged pa si Ma'am Hana. May pinapatamaan ka? Is it Sehun?" 

Dire-diretso nyang tanong. "Sabi ko na e. Hindi ka lalapit kung wala kang kailangan." Umiling-iling pa ang dalaga saka tumingin sa ibang direksyon. Nalukot ang mukha ni Chase sa narinig. That's not true!

"I just want to know, for our friends, Luna —" 

"It's Bea, you ass twat." she spat, clearly annoyed. 

"Language mo, Byun." saway nya dito and Bea just sighs. 

"Why do you think I posted that for Hana? She saw Sehun as someone he could trust. I'll say that as clear as possible. Wala namang nag-warning sa kanya na umaasa lang pala sya sa wala."

"What do you mean? Are you calling my friend " paasa"?" Chase even emphasized his words woth air quotes. 

"Galing sa'yo mismo yan." Bea smirks and took a sip from her cup. 

"Hindi pinapaasa ng kaibigan ko ang kaibigan mo." 

"What do you think he's doing? Nagtataka talaga ako kung bakit ang daming paasa sa mundo. Why can't they just be honest. Mahirap ba yun gawin?" 

Chase doesn't know if the words Bea said was for Sehun, at all. Iba kasibang tingin sa kanya ng dalaga, like he was accusing her of something he did. She also seems upset, with him. _Pero bakit?_

There was something in Bea's eyes that he can't describe, but it made him nervous. 

And when he's nervous, he can't think properly. 

"Wala naman na paasa sa mundo, just people who gives meaning to actions kahit wala naman. It's like assuming things without proper evidence. A hypothesis. Not proven. So as long as walang concrete explanation, wala dapat na false assumptions. No assumptions, lesser mistake. No stupidity involved."

Chase knew he fucked up when he saw how Bea's face turned serious, gone its bright glow and replaced with a stoic facade. "A mistake, huh? Stupid? Wow." 

"No, I mean —" 

"Feelings aren't experiments, Sir Chase. They can't be a part of your scientific method. They aren't stupid." 

Bea stands up and Chase started to panic. Sinundan nya ito papalabas at hinigit ang braso nito para tumigil. 

"Luna —" 

Tinanggal nito ang pagkakahawak nya sa braso nito at hinarap sya. "It's Bea, SIR Chase. Tutal you're asking me about that tweet I tagged Hana in, I'll delete it."

"I — okay. " Chase doesn't actually know what to say. Bea just scoffs. "Unbelievable."

"What?" 

"What did I ever see in you all those years?" She quietly says, but enough for him to hear. Umiling-iling pa ang dalaga. Clearly disappointed. Chase was left speechless. 

"Tell your friend that if he still has Mina, or whoever she is, tigilan nya na si Hana. Make him stop giving her mixed signals." Nanlaki naman ang mata ni Chase sa narinig. She knows about Mina?

Aalis na sana ito sa harapan nya nang may maalala ito. "Oh, and before I forget, sana ilagay mo jan sa ulo mo na people won't assume unless they feel something. Hindi naman siguro ginawa ang tao na maging manhid, 'no? They have eyes and ears. At meron sila nito." she pointed at her heart. "We aren't that low." 

Before Chase could utter a coherent reply, Bea had already turned her back, leaving him clueless. Hindi nga din nya napansin that Bea used "we" instead of "she". 

That's the problem with them. Bea had remained hopeless and Chase continued to be hopelessly oblivious. 

_"Saan ka galing?" Sehun ask nang maupo ang kaibigan sa harapan nya, a canned beer on his hand._

_"Dyan lang." Sehun noticed how Chase' shoulders were slumped and a frown was etched on his face. Chase never frowns. He always had that smirk and confident aura around him. But now, tila wala ang kaibigan nyang iyon ngayon. All he sees is a confused man. Thoughts loud in his head._

_"Anong nangyari —"_

_"Hana knows about Mina." he starts at nanlaki naman ang mga mata nya. How? And what does it have to do with Chase' long face? Hindi ba dapat sya ang lubos na apektado rito?_

_"Paano mo nalaman?" Sehun actually knows this inevitable. Another reason for him na pag-igihan na makausap si Hana._

_"Luna, I mean Bea." Nakita ni Sehun kung paano mas lalong lumungkot ang mga mata ng kaibigan sa pagbanggit nito sa pangalan ng matalik na kaibigan ni Hana. And finally, he understood._

_Sehun sighs. Mukhang hindi lang sya ang may problemang puso ngayon._

_He thinks he's in a better position, tho. He's honest with what he feels of who he wants, kahit paghirapan nya ang pagkakataon na ibibigay sa kanya ni Hana, he would do it._

_But his friend? He doesn't know. Chase had always been so clueless of the things he should be keeping. Much more of the person he should be choosing._

_He wanted to help him, but he doesn't even know how._

_All he knows, is that his heart is not the only one that seems to be breaking right now._


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Because they felt something at that moment, only they could understand."

🎥🎥🎥

**2nd year, 2nd sem. September.**

_**Intramurals, SJU.** _

"GO, BSED!" 

Hana was smiling from ear to ear seeing her co-BSED students wave their green flags (their team color) as they cheer for their team. Naka-gather sila sa field ng University nila for the opening of their week-long Intramurals. 

May camera na nakasabit sa leeg nya, and she makes sure that she captured all the moments worthy to be kept not just to be posted for their paper but for her album. College life was special e. Dapat maraming remembrance. 

She was busy fiddling with her camera na hindi nya na napansin ang binata sa likod nya. 

"Ay anak ka ng tinapa!" may biglang tumukod kasi sa likod ng tuhod nya kaya muntik na syang masubsob sa lupa. Buti na lang at nahawakan sya sa braso ng kung sino man ang nasa likuran nya. 

She was fuming. Kung natuluyan sya edi nabasag yung hawak nyang camera, and she could've landed face first on the ground! Aba! 

"TARANTADO —" 

Hindi nya na naituloy ang sana'y pagmura nya makatapos na ibalanse ang sarili at harapin ang salarin sa muntik nyang pagkatumba nang bumungad sa kanya ang maaliwalas na mukha ni Sehun. 

He looks at her apologetically as he looks at her flushed face that is red with anger. "Sorry, gugulatin lang sana kita." Sehun scratches the back of his neck, suddenly shy. "Galit ka ba? Sorry na. Right. Namumula ka na nga pala sa galit."

However, that wasn't just the case in Hana's opinion. Hindi naman sya galit. Actually she's flushed because of a different reason. 

_Sehun is in his jersey uniform._

Hana seems to be very upset, Sehun thinks.

"Uy, wag ka na magalit."

Sehun pouts, with his puppy dog eyes na alam nyang kahinaan ng dalaga. He wasn't wrong. 

Hana immediately turned her back when she got her senses back. Sehun looks absolutely — _uhhh, basta!_

Hana can feel her cheeks burn still kaya minabuti nya na lang na umiwas ng tingin. 

"Han ~"

"Sehun!" 

Sabay ng pagtawag ng binata sa pangalan nya ang pagtawag din ng ka-team ni Sehun. 

"Bakit, Toff?" rinig nyang tanong ni Sehun kay Kristoff. 

"Dun daw tayo sa unahan, brad. Lahat ng athletes mauuna daw."

"Bakit daw?" Hana was still fiddling with her camera. She was contemplating if aalis na sya para pumunta sa block nya o hintayin si Sehun. _She doesn't even know why she have to wait for him, to be honest._

"Nasa unahan daw kasi talaga mga gwapo." 

Hana scoffed with Kristoff's statement. Ang hangin, ah. Kahit medyo totoo. _Humble dapat tayo dito, uy._

"Han?" tawag uli sa kanya ng binata, pero bago pa man sya makalingon at makasagot, another person called Sehun. 

"Se!" it was their department's muse and SJU Calendar Girl Candidate, Mina. Balitang liniligawan daw ito ni Sehun, _dati_ , no one knows what the real deal is, at magta-transfer na ng school next sem, _fact._

She didn't gave her much attention or even remember who she was dahil hindi naman sila magkakilala, 

_but Sehun sure did._

"Yes, Mina?" 

_______________________

The parade was as loud as asual. Kagaya ng nakagawian, each teams were shouting their cheers competing with one another na halos hindi na nga malinaw ang maririnig mo mula sa kanila.

It was fun, wag lang talagang magtulakan. Hana has her hands on her camera, securely holding it for dear life. _Mahal ang DSLR, ah._ At kung di lang dahil sa kailangan sa kanilang school paper ay hindi mag-aabala si Hana na makipag-siksikan sa parade para lang makakuha ng magandang shot na pwede ilagay sa kanilang publication.

May madadaanan silang mabatong daanan na pababa kaya todo ingat din sya na hindi matumba habang kumukuha ng mga litrato. _Kung bakit na naman kasi._

Matapos kuhanan lahat ng teams including the drum & lyre corps with their candid shots, bumalik si Hana papunta sa unahan to get the requested shots of the players. Nakakuha na naman sya kanina kaso sabi ng adviser nila nung ipakita nya ang mga litratong kinuha nya kanina, ay dagdagan nya pa raw ito para mas maraming pagpipilian. Wala namang nagawa si Hana kundi sumunod. Wala e. Kailangan. Para sa grade! 

Inunahan nya ang mga naglalakad na estudyante para maabutan nya ang mga players na nasa unahan. She needs to go upfront oara makita na din ang banner ng school, request uli ni adviser.

She was nearly at front nang may bumangga sa kanya mula sa likuran at napatumba sya at napadausdos pababa. Shit. Mabuti na lang at hindi sya nakadiretso sa kanal dahil hindi naman gaano ka-steep ang daan. Ito na nga yung iniiwasan nya, ayun pa rin yung nangyari! May ambulansya pala kasing dumaan at kailangan nila tumabi, unfortunately, while everyone was moving, wala na silang pakialam kung may matutulak ba sila o wala. 

Hana checked her camera first kung bumagsak ito, thankfully hindi. But when she tried to stand up, doon nya naramdaman yung sakit na parang binabali yung paa nya. What's worse ay wala sigurong nakapansin sa kanya kaya wala man lang nag-abalang tumulong. 

_Ang malas naman!_

"Hana!" narinig nyang may tumawag sa pangalan nya. 

Napa-angat sya ng tingin at saka lang may nakapansin sa kanya. "Fuck. Can you stand?" 

"A-ayaw gumalaw ng paa ko."

Tinignan naman ni Sehun ang paa nya at sinubukang hawakan pero agad syang napa-aray. "Shit, sorry." 

Sehun gently carried her and Hana was already panicking, "T-teka..." 

"Masakit ba? Shit. Sandali lang 'to, Han. Masusuntok ko talaga yung nagtulak sa'yo." Tuluyan na sya nitong binuhat at wala na syang nagawa kundi kumapit dito dahil ang sakit sakit na talaga ng paa nya. 

Mamaya na sya kikiligin. 

Tumawag ni Sehun ang isang prof na kakilala nila, nasa dulo na ang parade kaya kulang na ang nakakita sa kanilang estudyante. Which Hana was very thankful for. 

"Anong nangyari sa'yo, Ms. Lu?" 

"Natumba ho sya kanina nung may dumaan na ambulansya. Wala na ho kasing ibang pakialam yung iba kung may nabangga na sila basta sila makaiwas." 

Halata ang galit sa mukha ni Sehun and Hana felt her cheeks reddening. 

"Wag ka na magalit, Mr. Oh. Isakay mo na ang girlfriend mo sa tricycle na iyon para makapunta na kayo sa clinic. Ms. Lu, mag-ingat ka sa susunod. Pinag-alala mo ang kasintahan mo."

"Hindi po—" 

"Salamat po, Sir." 

Maingat syang pinaupobni Sehun sa loob ng tricycle na nakaparada. "A-aray." nakabangga kasi ito ng iusog ni Sehun ang pwesto nya. 

"Hala, Han. Shit, sorry." Puno ng pag-aalala ang boses nito. Dahil sa sakit ay hindi nya na nakuhang magsalita kaya agad na umupo ito sa tabi nya at inalalayan ang paa nya para hindi ulit makasagi. 

"Kuya, sa SJU po. Kung pwede po pakidalian. Pero ingat din po, may sprain kasi ang kasama ko." Tumango lamang ang driver at ngumiti. "Kabataan talaga." 

"Bakit naman kasi tumatakbo ka. You should've watched your steps. Nasaktan ka tuloy." Sabi ng binata habang tinitignan ang paa nyang nagsisimula nang mamaga. 

Hana didn't answer. Kagat-kagat nya lang ang kanyang ibabang labi at humihinga ng malalim. Hana was never good at dealing with physical pain at kitang-kita ito sa mukha nyang pinagpapawisan na ng malamig. 

Napansin ito ng binata at kinuha ang panyong nasa bulsa nya. Pinunasan nito ang tumutulong pawis sa mukha nya at hinawakan ang kamay nya. "You'll be okay, Han." 

Sa sobrang lapit ni Sehun ay naaamoy na ni Hana ang pabango nito. Hindi ito katulad ng ibang pabangong panglalaki na sobrang tapang, kay Sehun, it was mild but addictive. _Parang ang sarap yakapin._

Before Hana could say something she'll eventually regret, ay tumigil na ang tricycle sa harap ng SJU. Dali-daling bumaba si Sehun at dahan-dahan syang kinarga. "We're here, Han. Konti na lang." Tumango na lang si Hana dahil sumasakit na naman. Nagalaw kasi ito. She didn't have any chance to enjoy being caged in Sehun's arms. 

It was short lived for Hana, however, dahil natawagan na pala ng prof nila ang school nurse at nagpadala na ito ng wheelchair. 

"Mr. Oh, pakilagay na lang po si Miss sa wheelchair." in which Sehun immediately obliged. Napatingin sya sa binata and Sehun just smiled. 

"I'll be with you. Don't worry." hinawakan pa nito ang ulo nya, assuring that he'll be there kahit sa totoo niyan ay hindi nya naman kailangan. 

"Lalagyan lang namin ng benda yung paa nya para hindi lumala ang pamamaga. Hindi ooperahan. Kalma lang, hijo." Biro ng school nurse. Pinamulahan naman agad si Hana at umiwas ng tingin. 

"Hayaan mo na, Madam. Ang mga kabataan talaga ngayon ganyan." Hindi pa pala umaalis si Manong Driver. Nakiki-chismis na din. 

"Ay, sorry po. Yung bayad nga po pala." Sabi ni Sehun at kumuha ng pera sa wallet nya. Hindi nya napansin na pinasok na ng nurse si Hana sa loob. Namimilipit na naman kasi ito sa sakit. Naka mas mamaga ang paa nito kung hindi agad mahihilot at malagyan ng cold compress. 

"Nako, hijo. Wag na. Alagaan mo na lang yung kasintahan mo ng mabuti para hindi na maulit. Namumutla ka na sa pag-aalala, oh." 

Sehun just scratched his head. Not even bothering to correct the second time they thought Hana was his girlfriend. _It has a nice ring to it e._

"Opo. Salamat po. Aalagaan ko po sya ng maigi, Manong." 

Chase, wala naman tayong

laro ngayon, diba?

_**Chase** _

Huh? Wala. First day pa lang naman e. Bukas pa ata o sa Wednesday. 

Sige. Salamat. Una kayo mag-lunch. 

Mamaya pa ako. 

_**Chase** _

Huh? 

Bakit? May gagawin ka pa? 

Don't tell me you’ll watch the 

movies sa 3rd floor. Pirated

ang mga yon. Lol. 

Hindi. Nasa clinic pa 

kasi ako.

_**Chase** _

Ha!? 

Anong nangyari sa'yo? 

Wala. Hindi naman ako. 

Si Hana. 

Hindi pa kasi sya nagigising. 

Ayoko pang iwan. 

_**Chase** _

Anong nangyari? Nahimatay!? 

Gago, hindi. Nakatulog lang sa sakit. 

Na-sprain kasi kanina. Nagtutulakan kasi

yung nga estudyante kanina sa parade. 

Parang mga bata. 

_**Chase** _

Concerned na concerned, ah. 

Okay na sya? 

Si Hana pala yung sinasabing

natumba. Na-sprain pa pala. Tsk. 

Oo, okay na. Kaso syempre

masakit tong ankle nya. 

Ilang araw din nyang iindahin 'to. 

Hindi kasi nag-iingat. 

**_Chase_**

Boyfriend na boyfriend. Naks. 

Naka-move on na talaga. Galing! 

Gago. 

We're just friends.

_**Chase**_

"wErE jUsT friEndS" neknek mo

I know you like her. 

More than just a friend. 

Takot ka lang. 

Ewan ko sa'yo. 

_**Chase** _

Sus. I texted Bea.

Umalis ka na jan. Sila na 

ang magbabantay sa kanya. 

Una na kami ni Toff. Sunod ka

na lang. 

Hindi na muna ako aalis. 

Antayin ko lang ba magising sya. 

**_Chase_ **

Sabi ko nga. 😏

Ibinaba ni Stephen ang kanyang cellphone at maiging tinignan ang natutulog na dalaga. Hana really looked beautiful kahit nakakunot ang kilay nito. Halatang may iniindang sakit at hindi ito komportable sa pagtulog. 

Muling kinain ng pag-aalala si Stephen. He didn't understand the fear he felt ng makitang natumba ito. 

Hinawi nya ang buhok na tumatakip sa mata nito, at pinunasan nya ang luha sa pisngi nito. He hates seeing her cry. Parang gusto nya manakit every time he sees her sad or crying. Simula nung maging magkaibigan sila, Stephen had always been protective. Maalaga. In his opinion, he just wants to show Hana the same treatment she gives him. 

I know you like her. Takot ka lang. 

Pumasok sa isip nya ang text ni Chase. 

Hindi naman iyon totoo, hindi ba? Magkaibigan lang sila, diba? 

Pero bakit ang lakas ng tibok ng puso nya habang nakatitig sa maamo nitong mukha? Hana always looked like an angel. Yung mga mata nyang hindi sya mapapagod tignan. Yung pisngi nyang tila lagi nyang gusto pintahan ng pula. Yung mga labi nyang lagi nyang gustong makitang may ngiti. 

Si Hana. Si Hana Miracle na dumating sa buhay nyang may dalang kape at colored pens. Kasama ang " _Hey, Sehun Stephen! Magandang Umaga!"_

Si Hana with her usual sweet self bringing Sehun a personal ray of sunshine. 

Si Hana na laging handang makinig. 

Si Hana na laging handang tumulon kahit wala na syang kaya ibigay. 

Si Hana na laging may baon na dahilan para magpasaya. 

Si Hana na laging handang maghintay sa library. 

Si Hana na laging handang ipagluto sya. 

Si Hana na laging andyan. 

Si Hana. 

Kaibigan nya, diba? 

But suddenly, as he saw her eyes slowly fluttered open, he wasn't sure anymore. 

"Hi, Sehun Stephen." then she smiled. 

_"Fuck."_

Tinamaan na nga. 

"HANAAAAAAA! Ay — Sehun?" Napatigil si Bea sa pag-sigaw at pag takbo ng makita nitong nakaupo si Sehun sa tabi ni Hana.

"Bakit nandito ka pa?" tanong ni Kath. "Sabi ni Chase ay kakain daw kayo nila Kristoffer. Hinahanap ka na nila." 

"Oo nga. Sabi nya tinext ka daw nila na sumunod." dugtong naman ni Jedah. 

"Uh. Ano kasi...Wala kasing kasama si Hana. Ayoko namang iwan." tila nahihiya nitong sagot sa tatlo. Hana even glared at her friends, but Bea, Jedah, and Kath just smiled at her knowingly. Hindi nila papalampasin ang kambal na kulay sa mukha ng dalawa ngayon. 

"Sooooo, andito na rin naman kami and we're sure na gutom ka na. Kaya kami na dito. May dala na din kaming lunch for Hana."

Parang nag-alangan naman ang binata at tinignan si Hana. Nahihiyang ngumiti lang ang dalaga sa kanya. "Sige na, Stephen. Masyado na kitang naabala ngayon. Alam kong gutom ka na din. Pasensya na ulit and thank you. Sobra." 

Hana flashed him a grateful smile, and Sehun smiled widely. "Wala yun, I'm just glad na okay ka na." They were like stuck in their world again at hindi napalampas ni Bea ang mag-komento dahil masyado na silang nagiging audience. "O sya, tama na iyan. Namumula na ang tenga ni Sehun sa gutom. Maraming salamat sa pag-dala dito sa frenny namin!" 

"Bea!" saway ni Hana. 

"Sige. Uh. Una na ako. Han, text mo na lang ako if you need anything." 

"Nandito naman tayo?" rinig nyang bulong ni Jedah na agad na sinaway ni Kath. Sehun sheepishly smiled at them at tumingin muli kay Hana. Tingin nang tingin, ayaw atang umalis. 

Tumango naman ulit si Hana sa binata at nagpasalamat. 

Nang tuluyang makalabas si Sehun sa clinic ay agad na tumili ang tatlo at linapitan si Hana. 

"Bakla ka! Ano yon!" 

"Ang haba ng hair mo!" 

"Ayaw ka iwan, beh! May pa-text me if you need anything pa sya!" 

"Tapos kita nyo yon? Namumula si Sehun! Si Sehun Oh nagba-blush dahil sa'yo, Hana."

"Hon nga daw. Honey? Kayo ha." 

Hana doesn't even know who's saying what. Sabay-sabay kasi itong nagsasalita. "Guys! Yung paa ko, wag nga kayo jan! Aray!" hindi na nila napansin na naipit na pala nila ang paa ng kaibigan na nakabenda. 

"Ay sorry, Hanapots. Na-carried away lang." Bea apologizes, at nag-peace sign pa ito. 

Umupo naman ito sa tabi nya at iniwasan na matamaan ang paa nya. Salamat naman. 

"Anong mga mukha yan? Hindi nyo man lang ba ako kukumustahin?" tanong nya sa mga kaibigan na nakatingin lang na nakakaloko sa kanya. 

"Ayos ka naman na, Hana. Alagang Sehun ba naman." Jedah teases. Tinataas-taas pa nito ang dalawang kilay. 

"A-ano ba. Tinulungan lang ako nung tao." sagot nya. She only earned disbelieving stares from her friends. 

"Seryoso nga." Totoo naman kasi. Tinulungan sya nito. Ano pa ba ang gusto marining ng mga ito? 

"Manliligaw mo na ba?" diretsahang tanong ni Kath. 

"Ano!? Hindi. Kaibigan lang tingin sa 'kin nung tao, bibigyan nyo ng malisya." depensa nya. 

"Ikaw ba, kaibigan lang ba tingin mo sa kanya?" 

Doon natahimik si Hana. "Kung kulang pa ang pangangamatis ng kaibigan natin para masagot ang tanong mo, Kath. Ewan ko na." tawa ni Jedah na tinuturo pa ang namumula na nga nyang pisngi. 

"Sagot na, Hanapots. Crush mo si Sehun?" gatong pa ni Bea. 

"Oo na nga."

Tinakpan ni Hana ang mukha sa hiya ng marinig ang tawa ng mga kaibigan. 

"Dalaga na talaga si Hana, may crush na. Yieeee." tukso pa ng mga ito. Bea was even poking her sides at nakikiliti sya. 

"So when did you realize na gusto mo sya?" tanong ni Kath. She always liked details. Ayaw nya ng vague stories lang. Kaya asahan nyo na magtatanong yan about what, where, when, who, at why. Agenda lang? Char. 

"Yung pangalawang beses na nakita ko sya. After nya isinauli yung panyo ko." mahina nyang tugon habang hindi makatingin sa mga kaibigan. Hindi nya pa kasi iyon nakukwento. 

"Huh? Kailan?" usisa ni Jedah. 

"1st year tayo." 

"Ano!? Ganun na katagal? 3rd year na tayo ngayon bhe! Wala ka man lang na sinabi?" gulat na gulat si Bea na akala mo necessary talagang lagi syang updated sa buhay pag-ibig ni Hana, or the lack of it, sa totoo lang. 

"Nahihiya kasi ako." 

"Sa amin?"

"Hindi naman sa ganun pero, baka sabihin nyo kasi ang dali ko magkagusto sa tao. I just met him twice, pero gusto ko na sya agad. Sabi ko nga sa sarili ko baka attracted lang ako sa kanya kaya di ko na lang binigyan ng pansin. Sino ba naman ang hindi, diba? Tignan mo nga yun, sino hindi magkakagusto sa mukha yun? Lalo na kung ngumingiti yon? Naku. Matutunaw ka. 

Hindi ko nga din alam kung bakit e. Basta nung makita ko syang ngumiti sa akin kahit hindi nga nya ako kilala nung tumawid sya ng daan papunta sa front gate habang hinihintay ko kayo noon. Parang nag-slow mo lahat, alam nyo yun? Tapos yung sikat ng araw na tumatama sa likuran nya parang halo nya. Para syang anghel na bumaba sa langit nung araw na yon sinasabi ko sainyo. 

Yung ngiti nya? Ang ganda. Bagay na bagay sa kanya. Tapos nalaman ko na kaklase pala natin sya sa ilang minors non. Yung puso ko, hindi ko na ma-kontrol pagkakita ko sa kanya. Kinabahan ako. Pero na-excite kasi nakita ko sya ulit. 

Tapos — "

Napatigil sya sa pagsasalita nang hawakan sya sa braso ni Bea. May naglalarong mga ngiti sa mukha nito, katulad din kina Kath at Jedah. 

"Anong —" 

"We get it. Gustong-gusto mo sya." Bea chuckled. "Ang cute mo magka-crush, napapa-rant ka bigla." 

Biglang na-realize ni Hana ang mga pinagsasabi sya kanina at gusto nya na lang matunaw. She just admitted to her friends how she's so smitten with Sehun. 

Rinig na rinig nya pa rin ang mga pang-aasar ng mga kaibigan nya kaya inangat nya ang tingin sa mga ito. "Subukan nyo lang sabihin sa kanya." pananakot nya. 

"Ano tayo, high school? Sabihan ng crush?" Jedah jokes. Alam naman nyang hindi sasabihin iyon ng mga kaibigan nya, but minsan hindi naman maiiwasan ang madulas, diba?

"Kahit naman nga hindi namin sabihin, your face is a dead giveaway." Kath explains. Even pointing at her cheeks na namumula pa rin.

"T-teka. Seryoso ba? Sa tingin nyo ba nahalata na nya?" biglang nakaramdam ng kaba si Hana.

"We don't know. But if he does, ans he's still this sweet... o wag kang aangal, alam kong kinikilig ka sa mga actions nya, wag kami." Hana didn't even try to deny, totoo naman kasi. Pero, natatakot kasi sya. Tama si Bea, maaring sobrang halata nya na nga, at paano kung may nakakaramdam na din si Sehun. Hindi pa sya handang malaman ng binata. It may sound cliché and probably stupid to think about, pero ayaw nyang mawala ang pagkakaibigan na nabuo nila dahil lang "she caught feelings". Ayaw nyang mailang sa kanya ang binata, especially if he doesn't feel the same way that she does. Paano kung lumayo ito? Hindi ata kaya yun ni Hana. 

"Nag-o-overthink ka na naman." saway sa kanya ng kaibigan. 

"Sorry, bumigla lang."

"Hanapots, hindi ka namin tinatakot. We just said na halata, okay? Hindi din natin alam if he's observant enough na makita yung puso diyan sa mga mata mo." biro ni Bea. 

"But! Hayaan mo lang. Damahin mo lang. That's feelings. You can't control how it will come or how it will show. Especially how it will end. Wag kang mag-over think. Just feel it. Malay mo kasi, worth it naman pala sya for those feelings." 

"Naks, Bea. Love expert yan?" Jedah broke the serious talk that made them laugh. 

"Syempre, based from experience. Char. Joke lang. Kakabasa ko lang yan sa Wattpad." sagot ni Bea sa kaibigan, but they all know it's not a joke. Sa kanilang apat, Bea is the first one that caught that kind of feeling for one particular someone. Until now. 

Nagpatuloy ang pag-uusap nilang nagkakaibigan. It was just the first day of the Intramurals, kaya kulang pa ang gagawin. Her friends said na mas gugustuhin nula g samahan sya sa magpahinga sa loob ng clinic kesa bisitahin ang mga boots at sumali sa mga games ng wala sya. They also offered to bring her home, since may sundo naman si Bea at para na rin hindi na sya maglakad pa pauwi. Hana really felt lucky to have her friends. Lagi itong handang umalalay kahit minsan sobrang mapang-asar. That's why she promised to be there for them too, whenever they needed her. 

She was busy laughing dahil sa walang katapusang kwento nina Bea at Jedah. Bentang-benta sa kanya ang mga biro at side comments nitong hindi nya alam kung saan nila nakukuha. Hindi nya na naramadaman na nay sprain pala sya dahil sa kakatawa. 

Hana felt her phone vibrating on her side, kaya inabot nya ito para matignan kung bakit. Kanina pa pala ito may text, at medyo marami-rami na rin iyon. 17 text messages. Huh? 

Nagtataka man ay binuksan nya ang cellphone at bumungad nga sa kanya ang sunod-sunod na text, all for one person. Unti-unting nawala ang pagtataka sa kanyang mukha at napalitan ito ng isang ngiti. 

_It was all from Sehun_. 

Reading his text messages, she realized something. Siguro nga ay tama si Bea. 

_Maybe she should just really feel it._

**BS Bio — Oh Sehun** :

_Hi, Han. I hope you're okay na. Masakit pa ba?_

_Nakauwi ka na pala?_

_I hope you have eaten na din._

_I guess your friends are keeping you busy. Hehe._

_Kung hindi ka pa pala nakakauwi,_

_pwede naman kitang ihatid. Just tell me._

_Nasa school grounds pa naman kasi ako._

_Kung okay lang naman sa'yo._

_Ingat ka nga pala sa susunod, ha? Kahit you're just doing your job pero safety mo pa rin una._

_Good afternoon pala. Dami ko nang sinabi. Hehe._

_Papasok ka pa pala bukas? It's better for you to rest para mas madali mawala yung sprain mo._

_Don't forget din to give it cold compress when you feel it swelling._

_Saka, wag ka muna lakad ng lakad. Only for a few days._

_I'm rambling, aren't I? Sorry. Hehe._

_Just kinda worried._

_Be well soon, Han._

_Text me whenever. :)_

_**Because, well, he's worth the feeling after all.** _


	7. Chapter 7

🎥🎥🎥

Intramural Week was finally over. Since Hana did not enjoy the week that well dahil sa sprain nya, ang pinagkaabalahan na lang ni nya ay ang pagtapos ng nga articles na kailangan nyang isulat at i-edit oara sa kanilang school paper at paggawa ng kanyang mga tasks na medyo malayo pa sa deadline. Kesa naman maburo sya sa bahay. 

Hindi na sya pinilit ng kanilang publication adviser na laging nasa University para makapagsulat at hinayaan syang magpatulong sa mga kaibigan nya to finish her article.

_Hey Stephen_

_I know looks can be deceiving_

_But I know I saw a light in you_

_And as we walked we would talk_

_And I didn't say half the things I wanted to_

_**Sehun Stephen calling…** _

Napangiti naman si Hana nang marinig ang pamilyar na ringtone na linagay nya kapag si Sehun ang tumatawag. Naging sanay na ang sila sa isa't isa that Sehun had let her call Stephen. 

Totoo naman na sobrang malapit si Hana at Sehun sa isa't-isa. What happened last SJU Intramurals wasn't even the beginning. Wala lang talaga naging komento ang mga kaibigan nila dahil sino ba naman sila para pumuna sa kung ano man ang pagkakamabutihan nilang dalawa — bilang magkaibigan. 

Magkaibigan lang daw sila ni Stephen e. Kahit they all know, may feelings nang involved. Their friends didn't say anything, but that doesn't mean that they don't know something. 

When Hana told her friends about everything since the day they met, hindi na sya tinigilan ng mga ito na asarin. Especially when they heard her sing Taylor Swift's _Hey, Stephen_. 

It wasn't the first time, sa dalas nilang magkasama, naging biro na ni Hana ang kantahin ang Hey, Stephen para tawagin si Sehun. But not really completely oblivious to the lyrics of the song. 

That day on the clinic, was actually the first time she said her feeling to her friends out loud. It was overwhelming, pero magaan sa pakiramdam na masabi iyon.

"Hello?" Hana finally picks up her phone after seconds of letting it ring. 

_"Hi, Han. Good afternoon."_

Agad naman syang napangiti, at kinilig, matapos marinig ang malilim na boses nito sa kabilang linya. 

"Good afternoon din sa'yo, Stephen."

_"Papasok ka na bukas, right?"_

"Oo. Normal na ulit classes e. Syempre." pigil na ngiti nyang sagot dito. Makikita na uli kita. 

_"Hmm. Okay na ba paa mo?"_

"Oo. Okay na sya. Kaya ko na nga maglakad eh." 

_"Pero sabi ni Tita nung isang araw, masyado ka daw naglakad-lakad at napaupo dahil biglang nakatama yung paa mo, sumakit ulit. Okay pala, ah? Kaya mo na pala, ah. Kaya pala nakabenda pa paa mo. Oo."_

"Pati talaga si Mama kinausap mo, no? Kailan?" tawa nya pero nararamdaman nyang namumula na ang pisngi nya. Ang boyfriend kasi nya pakinggan. Pasalamat na lang sya at hindi sila magkaharap ngayon. 

_"Tatawa pa yan."_

"Sorry na nga po. Tumulong kasi ako sa tindahan nitong mga nakaraang araw kasi kulang yung helper ni Mama." paliwanag nya dito. Hindi na nito sinagot kung saan nito nakausap ang Mama nya pero naisip nya na baka nakasalubong lang nito kung saan. 

_"Ingat kasi lagi, Han."_

"Oo na po. Di na mauulit." 

_"Dapat lang. pinagalalamoakomasyado"_

"Huh? Ano yun, Stephen?" 

_"Ha? A-ano, sabi ko, dapat lang."_

Hana was sure she heard something. Pero hindi nya na lang din tinanong pa. They continued talking on the phone na parang hindi sila magkikita bukas. When Hana was called for dinner, saka lang nila nakuhang magpaalam. 

Nang makabalik sya sa kwarto nya at kinuha nya ang cellphone at nakitang may text ang binata. 

_Good Night, Han. Wag ka na magpuyat, hindi ka gigisingin ng mga crushes mo sa Wattpad. Mas gwapo ako dun. HAHA._

_See you tomorrow. ;-)_

Humiga si Hana at tinakip ang unan nya sa mukha saka tumili. Bakit ba ang sweet ni Stephen! Hulog na hulog na ako. 

"I can't wait for tomorrow." 

"Sigurado ka bang ayos na ang paa mo, 'nak?" tanong sa kanya ng ina pagkababa nya. 

"Opo, Ma. Konting kirot na lang pero ready to walk na ulit." sagot nya saka humalik sa pisngi ng ina. Umupo na sya sa tabi nito para mag-almusal. 

"Ate, pupunta ba dito ulit yung kaibigan mong naka-kotse?"

Nagtaka naman si Hana sa tanong ng nakababatang kapatid. "Sinong kaibigan na naka-kotse?" _May kaklase ba syang may kotse? Parang wala naman._

"Sehun ata ang pangalan niyon, 'nak. Oo, Sehun. Dumaan dito nung nakaraan. Kaso hindi na tumuloy nung sinabi kong nasa loob ka at may ginagawa. Ayaw ka daw maabala. Sumaglit lang naman daw sya."

Pumunta pala dito si Sehun? Napangiti naman sya pero agad na inalis iyon dahil baka mapansin ng kanyang ina, intrigahin pa sya. 

Kilala na ng ina nya si Sehun dahil nakapunta na ang binata nung may group project sila sa isang minor subject nila. 

"Ang gara pala ng kotse nun, Ate." 

"Talaga, Harry? Gusto mo din non?" Lambing ni Hana sa nakababatang kapatid. 

"Hindi po. Mas gusto ko yung motor ni Tito Isko. Saka sabi ni Ate Hera, mahal yun." sagot ni Harry at napangiti sya. 

"Nasaan nga pala si Hera, Ma?" 

"Tulog pa. Nagpuyat na naman yon kagabi dahil may deadline daw sila ng 11 pm. Nagtataka nga ako kung bakit ganon ang mga deadline ng mga bata ngayon." sambit ng ina nya. 

"Naku, si Hera. Nag-cramming na naman kasi yon, Ma. Nagsabi sa akin yun kahapon na ang dami nyang deadline na nakalimutan. Pero hayaan nyo na muna, Ma. Stress din naman kasi talaga ang Senior High ngayon. Halos tapusan na naman ng taon e." 

Nagpatuloy lang sila sa pagkukwentuhan habang nag-aalmusal. Something Hana didn't enjoy before, pero ngayon, she can say na kahit hindi sila mayaman, masaya sila. That's all Hana had always hoped for. 

Hinatid silang magkapatid ng kanilang Tito Isko. Nauna syang bumaba sa SJU dahil mas malapit ito sa kanila kesa sa eskwelahan ng nakababatang kapatid. 

"Behave sa school, Harry, ha?" bilin nya sa kapatid nang makababa sya sa tricycle dala ang bag nya at yellow clear book na may mga laman na importanteng paperworks na kailangan nyang ipa-check. 

"Opo, Ate! Babye po!" 

Matapos magpaalam, ay dumiretso na si Hana sa front gate ng SJU at pinakita sa guard ang I.D. nya. Paika-ika pa sya ng konti pero hindi nya na lang pinanasin. Baka mas lalong maging uncomfortable sya sa paglalakad kung papansinin nya. Naka-uniform pa naman sila, complete with black closed sandals, kaya kita ang benda nya sa paa. Ang awkward. 

Pagkapasok nya, ay nagulat sya nang may tumakip sa mga mata nya. Kakabahan na sana sya ng maamoy nya ang pamilyar na pabango mula sa taong nasa likuran nya. 

"Stephen." tinanggal naman nito agad ang kamay na nakatakip sa mga mata nya. 

"Magandang Umaga, Han." bati nito at sumabay na sa kanya sa paglalakad. 

"Madaya, inunahan ako." tawa nya. "Magandang Umaga din, Sehun Stephen." 

Umubo naman bigla si Sehun at umiwas ng tingin. 

"K-kape nga pala?" inabot nito sa kanya ang cup na galing pang Starbucks. 

"Hala, nag-abala ka pa." 

"You need your daily dose of coffee, right?" inabot nya na ang dala nitong kape oara sa kanya, dahil hindi rin naman ito titigil hanggang hindi nya ito kinukuha. Baka magtampo pa, ayaw nya naman iyon. 

Ngumiti naman si Hana. Alam na alam nito kung ano ang hilig nya. 

"Mabuti at hindi ka naglakad papunta dito. Kaya mo na ba talaga? Paika-ika ka pa."

"Oo, kaya ko na. Saka paano mo nalaman na hinatid ako?" 

"Hinihintay kasi kita kanina. Kaya nakita ko na hinatid ka." 

_Hinihintay?_

"Bakit ka naman nanghintay? Natagalan ka ba? Hindi ka man lang nagsabi." 

"Para surprise."

Umiling na lang si Hana at ngumiti dahil baka kung ibuka nya ang kanyang bibig ay baka tumili na lamang sya. _Nakakahiya iyon._

"Vacant mo din mamayang 3pm, diba?" tanong nito. Malayo pa ang building ng first class nila kaya nakakapag-usap pa sila ng matagal. 

"Oo. Hintayin ba kita ulit sa lib?" taning nya dito at agad naman itong tumango at ngumiti. Nakakasilaw na naman po sya, Lord. 

"Okay. Dala akong meryenda. Don't you dare buy again. Laging ikaw na lang nanlilibre e." 

"I don't mind naman. I like spoiling you." 

_What?_

"And making you fat." biro nito saka malakas na tumawa. 

"Aba! Hindi ako mataba, ah." 

"Kaya nga papatabain pa lang e." napailing na lang si Hana at tumawa na kang din. Ewan bya ba. Mabuti na lang na tumawa sya dahil sa totoo lang, sobrang kinikilig na sya. Sino ba naman ang hindi diba? Umagang-umaga ay tinutunaw na ni Sehun ang puso nyang dati nang malambot para sa binata. 

Pagkarating nila sa classroom nila for the Prof. Ed, Sehun just patted her head at nagpaalam na pupunta sa tabi nina Chase. He didn't have to but it warms Hana's heart that he did. 

She slowly went to where her friends was sittung na alam nyang nakita ang maliit ma gesture na iyon ng binata. They have identical grins on their faces at handa na sya sa round ng pang-aasara nito. 

"Magkasama na naman sila ~" Bea singsongs. 

"May pa-kape pa. Iba talaga." 

"Laki din ng ngiti, oh. Ngiting in l—" 

Dali-daling tinakpan ni Bea ang bibig ni Jedah bago pa man nito matapos ang sasabihin. "Sige lakasan mo pa, hindi ka pa naririnig ng buong klase natin."

Tinawanan lang sya nina Bea. Mabuti na lang at dumating na ang kanilang instructor kundi hindi pa sya nito titigilan. 

The teasing might have stopped but her smile didn't. Para na nga syang timang, pero hindi nya talaga mapigilan. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket at sunod-sunod iyon. Tinignan nya ang katabi and she saw how Bea motioned her to check her phone. Aba, nagdadaldalan sa GC sa gitan ng klase. Magaling. 

_**Ganda Maestra GC** _

**_Bea_ **

Hindi na natigil ngumiti si @Hana. 👀

**_Hana_ **

Masama na ba ngumiti, ha? 

I got my daily dose of coffee kaya.

_**Jedah** _

Dahil sa kape ba talaga? 😏

_**Kath** _

O dahil sa nagbigay? 

_**Bea** _

Dahil sa nagbigay, syempre. 

Serotonin boost kaya yon ni Hana. 😍

_**Hana** _

Tigil na nga kayo, kapag

tayo napagalitan. Naku. 

Thankfully, tumigil naman ang mga kaibigan nya sa pang-aasar and she also stopped smiling like a fool. A fool in love. 

After their class, napagkasunduan nilang samahan sya para ipasa ang naisulat nyang articles at pati na rin ang soft copy ng mga nakuha nyang shots nung Intramurals at ang mga edited pictures mula sa pinasa sa kanya ng nga kaibigan. Meron pa silang 30 minutes before their class sa major subject that day. 

Palabas na sana sila ng classroom nang may tumawag sa kanya. It was Sehun. Rinig nya naman ang impit na tili ng mga kaibigan sa tabi nya at pinigilan nya ang sariling sawayin ito dahil halata na sila masyado. 

"Han. May klase kami hanggang 2:30 ngayon kaya baka ma-late lang ako ng ilang minuto. Laging overtime yun si Sir e. Okay lang ba?" 

"Ha? Ah, oo naman."

"Great, see you." kumaway naman ito sa kanya at ngmiti din sa mga kaibigan nya bago tuluyang umalis kasama nina Chase. 

"HOY! Saan kayo pupunta? Magdi-date kayo 'no?" 

Tumili naman ang mga kaibigan nya at sya na lang ang nahiya para rito sa mga makakarinig. 

"Magtigil nga kayo jan. Hindi kami mag-di-date. Pupunta lang kami sa library. MAG-AARAL." 

"Ah, library date naman pala." Jedah chimes at lalong pinamulahan si Hana ng mukha. Mabuti na lang at umalis na ang mga kaklase nila kundi gugustuhin na lang talaga ni Hana

"Hindi nga e." maktol nya. 

"Naku. Don't us. Kinikilig ka lang e. Amin na. Aamin na yan." tudyo pa ng mga kaibigan. 

"Oo na nga! Sino ba naman kasi ang hindi diba? Ang sweet nya. Ang gentleman. Ang boyfriend material kahit wala pa naman akong naging boyfriend para pagbasehan. Ayoko man bigyan nang malisya pero mahirap e." Hana explains. 

"Araw-araw nagiging mahirap magpanggap na hindi ako apektado sa mga actions nya, kasi sobrang nahuhulog na ako. Di ko na nga alam kung para saan ba lahat 'to, tapos ginagatungan nyo pa." 

"Hana," Jedah starts. "Hindi ka naman namin aasarin sa kanya kung wala lang e." 

"Hindi rin naman kami bulag. He looks at you like you matter to him, Hana." Katherine added. 

"Saka, ano ka ba, Hanapots. Sehun's not like thay to anyone. Kahit dun sa dati nyang nililigawan. Ay." 

Kath lightly smacked Bea's arm dahil sa sinabi nito. She doesn't have to naman. Aware rin naman sya doon, and she knows that past is past. 

"Tama naman si Bea. He's not like that to just anyone. How he acts towards you must be something right? Napapansin namin yun. He's a good guy, Hana." Jedah says. 

"I know that. Alam na alam ko. Sa sobrang bait nga hindi ko na alam kung ano ba talaga."

"Open your eyes din kasi, Hanapots. Or more like observe. Okay lang naman na umasa minsan, just know when to stop and hold back." Bea advises na akala mo expert talaga sa pag-ibig. 

"Sabihin mo din yan sa sarili mo, Bea. Tama na kaka-HABOL, ha." tudyo ni Kath dito. 

"Oo nga, nakakapagod kaya mag-HABOL." nakuha pa ni Jedah ang dumagdag, really emphasize the word "habol". 

Nakalimutan ni Hana saglit na the mini talk they had awhile ago was about her at nakisali na din sa pang-aasar kay Bea. 

"Bakit tinagalog nyo. English dapat. Saka, hayaan nyo si Bea, she's CHASE-ing her dreams." biro nya. 

"Aba, isa ka pa, ha." 

"Tara na nga. Baka ma-late tayo. Idaan natin tong ipapasa ko kay Ma'am, ah. Ayoko mag-HABOL sa deadline. Di ba, Bea?" 

"Hala ka jan, ba't ako? Si Hana topic natin kanina, ah. Mga bwiset 'to."

Tumawa lang sila dahil napipikon na si Bea. May mga araw kasi talaga ayaw nya i-acknowledge ang pag ka-crush nito kay Chase, but there are days she actually feel very confident. Bea and Chase' s relationship is odd. But it's cute. 

Hana just wishes the best for her friend, just like how Bea always wished for her happy ending. 

After her last class that afternoon, dumiretso na sya sa library. Nagkanya-kanya naman na paalam ang kanyang mga kaibigan dahil may mga responsibilidad din ito sa mga orgs nila. 

She already bought meryenda as she promised at habang naghihintay sya kay Sehun, ay minabuti nya na munang gumawa ng mga tasks nila for their major. Mostly paper work kaya she's glad na dinala nya ang laptop nya. 

In a few minutes, engrossed na engrossed na sya sa sinusulat nya na hindi nya na napansin si Sehun na dumating. 

Kailangan pa nitong tawagin ang pangalan nya para makuha ang atensyon nya.

"Did I make you wait long?" 

Napa-angat ng tingin si Hana ng magsalita si Sehun. Itinabi nya ang laptop nya saglit at ngumiti sa binata. 

"Hindi. Kakadating ko din lang kani-kanina." Ngumiti ito sa kanya at umupo sa harapan nya. Hana can't help but notice how casual clothes really fit him. Mukhang nagpalit ito bago pumunta sa library. Nakaugalian na kasi ng binata na kapag pauwi na ito ay nagpapalit na ito ng damit. Ayaw nya daw kasi umuwing naka-uniporme pa. Malayo-layo pa maman ang bahay nito mula sa unibersidad nila. 

Nang mangalumbaba ang binata at tinignan sya habang nakangiti, hindi nya maiwasang mamula. Sino ba naman ang hindi? Parang matutunaw na sya sa mga titig nito. 

"Masakit pa ba ang paa mo? You're not walking too much are you?" 

"A-ayos na. Hindi naman na masakit. Makakalakad na nga ako pauwi e." Hana awkwardly laughs. Hindi pa din kasi nawawala ang titig sa kanya ng binata. She can see him frowning. "B-bakit?" 

"Ihahatid kita mamaya."

_Huh?_

"A-ano?" She asked. Namali ata sya ng dinig. But Sehun just smiled.

"I said, ihahatid kita mamaya. Sabi ng nurse, wag mo daw muna masyadong i-strain ang paa mo at baka mamaga ulit. It isn't fully healed yet."

"O-okay na ako, Se. It's been days na din. You don't have to. Ang lapit lang naman ng bahay namin dito sa school —" 

"Kaya nga. Malapit lang naman. Maaalalayan kita."

"Se, nagka-sprain lang ako, hindi ako napilay." 

"Still." 

"Sehun."

"Hana."

"Stephen."

"Miracle."

Now, Hana can't really say no to Sehun. Lalo na kapag seryoso ito. Pero para sa kanya, sobrang cute pa rin ng binata kahit magkadikit ang kilay nitong akala mo sulpted, pero natural lang talaga. So at the end, wala syang nagawa but to agree. 

"Fine."

The wide smile Sehun gave her left Hana staring. Bakit ba ang gwapo nito kapag ngumingiti? Nakakainis naman e. Sabi ng kakalmahan mo muna, puso. Para ka nang sasabog jan. 

"Good. Mag-aral na tayo?"

Sa tingin mo makaka-aral pa ako makatapos mo ako ngitian ng ganyan!? 

"S-sige. Hehe." 

It took Hana a few minutes bago maka-focus. She keeps on looking at Sehun from time to time. Sulyap ng sulyap na parang akala mo ngayon nya kang nakita ang binata. Sa totoo lang, mas magandang tignan si Sehun kesa sa tambak ng papel sa harapan nya. 

Pero aral muna. Baka madakip pa sya nitong nakatitig, mahirap na. 

_If only she knew how Sehun did the same when he knew she wasn't looking._

Stephen was busy scribbling on his paper when he sees Hana dozing off. Nauna ito sa kanya makatapos mag-sulat and she decided to just read a book. 

He noticed na medyo distracted ang dalaga. Her cheeks were tinted pink too, and Stephen can't help but admire how cute she was. 

He shook his head. Kung anu-ano na naman ang naiisip nya. He closed his book at linipat ang upuan nya malapit kay Hana. Sasakit na naman ang keeg nito kaya agad nyang inalalayan ang ulo nito para makasandal sa balikat nya. 

"It amazes me how you can sleep anywhere." Stephen whispers as he slowly pats Hana's head, smiling fondly at the girl sleeping peacefully. 

Hinayaan nya lang na matulog ang dalaga sa balikat nya habang ipinagpatuloy nya ang pagrereview. Nakagawian na nila ito. Studying together in their free time. 

Stephen doesn't know but, he sees himself getting closer to her and he has been happier. Pati si Chase nahahalata na din. Nang maramdaman nyang gumalaw si Hana sa tabi nya, agad nyang inakbay ang kanyang kanang kamay sa dalaga, his hands gently caressing her head while he hums a song. 

It just came out naturally. Parang hinehele nya si Hana para hindi maistorbo ang tulog nito. He still has his book in his left hand, and a sleeping Hana on his right. Pinagtitinginan na sila ng ibang estudyante na nasa library, but Stephen couldn't care less. 

Still busy with his book, Stephen failed to notice the eyes that were looking at them from afar. 

"Hana, wake up. Hana. Han. Come on."

Hana stirred awake ng maramdaman nyang may tumatapik sa pisngi nya. Shit, nakatulog ako. 

Upon realizing that she was leaning on Sehun's shoulder, Hana stood up abruptly making her head spin. 

"Ow." napahawak sya sa mesa to steady herself. Bakit ba naman kasi bigla-bigla syang tumayo? 

"Han. Are you okay?" She feels a hand caressing her head and when she looks up, Hana was greeted by Sehun's worried face. 

"O-o. Oo. Um." _Shit. Shit. Shit. Ang lapit nya!!!_

"Bakit naman kasi bigla kang tumayo. Nahilo ka tuloy."

Hana took a step back. Ang lakas ng tibok ng puso nya, she's afraid he'll hear it. 

"S-sorry. Nagulat lang kasi ako." 

"Ako lang naman 'to e." Kaya nga. Ikaw. Ikaw lang naman yan. 

"Let's go home." Hana did not even have the chance to calm her heart when Sehun took hold of her arms. "Baka nahihilo ka pa." 

"Okay na ako. Hehe. Sorry nakatulog ako sa balikat mo. Nangalay ka siguro."

"Yeah. You're a heavy sleeper." biro nito. Naparolyo naman sya ng mata at tinulak ng mahina ang binata. "Hmp." Sehun softly chuckles and Hana found herself smiling. 

Niligpit na nila ang mga gamit nila and Sehun, being the gentleman that he is, offered to carry her books for her. And yes, kinikilig na naman ang lola nyo. 

"Thank you."

"No biggie."

They slowly walked in silence, Sehun adjusting to Hana's steps. 

"Sorry if we're taking too long, ha. Pwede ka naman nang mauna. Magagabihan ka kung ihahatid mo pa ako tapos mag-aantay ka pa ng masasakyan. Kaya ko naman na kahit walang nakaalalay e." Hana apologizes. Nahihiya na sya sa binata. Hindi lang dahil nakahawak sya sa braso nito at ito ang may dala ng mga gamit nya, ay kung titignan, para silang magkasintahan na sinusulit ang kanilang pamamasyal. 

"I told you, it's okay. Saka, marami pa namang sakayan o. I can go home in a jify." 

Sehun smiled down at her with his crescent eyes forming. Agad na umiwas ng tingin si Hana dahil alam nyang namumula na talaga sya. 

Why does Sehun Stephen Oh needs to be this sweet? Lalong nahihirapan si Hana na pigilan ang nararamdaman nya. 

With how slow they were walking, Sehun opened up a conversation to ease her and Hana slowly found herself relaxing while she talks about the recent book Sehun made her read. 

Hana didn't notice the fond smile Sehun has while listening to her, and they both didn't notice that their hands found their way to hold each other. Hindi na lang basta naka-alalay ang kamay ni Sehun sa kanya, kundi nakahawak na ito ng mahigpit sa sariling kamay nya. 

They soon realize it when they stopped in front of Hana's house. Tinignan ni Hana ang kamay nilang magkahawak, at nagulat sya sa sariling naisip — of how perfect their hands look holding each other. 

"Andito na pala tayo." Sehun says, and to Hana's disappointment, he slowly let go of her hand. Napatingin sya dito and he smiles. Inabot nito sa kanya ang kanyang mga libro at marahang hinawakan ang kanyang ulo.

"Pahinga ka na." 

Hana doesn't know what this is. Kung bakit ganito ang inaasta ng binata. But she'll take it. Masaya sya. Masayang-masaya, and that's all that matters for now. 

"Sige. Ingat ka pauwi."

Sehun walks backwards, giving her a salute and a breathtaking smile before he fully went on his way home. 

Hindi pumasok si Hana sa loob hangga't hindi nya nakitang nakaliko na ang binata. 

Nagulat sya ng lumigon ito bago pa man lumiko papunta sa parada. 

"Pasok na!" Sigaw nito at kumaway bago tuluyamg maglakad paalis. 

Hindi naman magkamayaw ang mga paru-paro sa tiyan ni Hana. Her heart was beating so loud in her chest, at hindi nya mapigilan ang mga ngiti mula sa kanyang labi. 

She looked at her left hand, still feeling the warmth from Sehun's hand and she quietly screams habang papasok sa kanilang bahay.

Hindi mawala-wala ang kanyang ngiti lalo na nang magtext si Sehun na nakauwi na ito at magpapahinga. 

She looked outside her window and looked at the star-filled sky. 

Hulog na hulog na sya. Hana wouldn't even deny that anymore. Sa bawat araw na nakakasama at nakakausap nya ang binata kahit sa telepono lang ay lumalalim ang pagtingin nya dito. It was supposed to be a simple "happy crush" but Sehun Stephen was more than just a boy with looks and wealth. 

Hindi lang itsura ang nakakabighani sa kanya. Pati ang puso nya. And that's what caught Hana.

She wishes under the stars. A silent plea for her heart. 

I know it's still early to say it, pero pwede po ba? _Pwede po bang sya na?_

And as the stars twinkle on the night sky, Hana smiled. 

Baka mapakinggan ang hiling nya. 

_Pero hindi naman lahat ng hiniling natin sa mga bituin natutupad, hindi ba?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Masyado akong kinikilig, masama 'to. Char. HAHA Thoughts? 👀


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ft. Ben & Ben's Masyado Pang Maaga. ❤️

📝📝📝

_Memories_

_Have you ever felt it? That split second before the feeling catches the memory — that small haven of neutrality, before the headlong crash into recognition. Your mind pulls him to the fore-ground like a snapped rubber band. And you think of the line he drew in the sand, the one you can't seem to put a foot past. Like a tripwire, you're afraid of the damage but you know you can't keep standing still. And the world falls away and you're exactly where you were on the last night you saw him, when he had his hands in your hair and his mouth on your neck and he never said a word about leaving._

_**— Memories, Lang Leav** _

Hana was busy reading Lang Leav's Memories and purposely ignoring Bea's persistent calls and texts. But a little later, she still ended up closing her book and answering her calls and agreeing to go out _and_ follow them to where they are. Friday nights should be for relaxing and not for going out, having drinks, and well, _socializing_. Pang-lima na nilang araw ngayon at binigyan naman sila ng pagkakataon to enjoy weekend habang andito sila sa resort. 

Hana just wants to read, habang si Bea at Kath ay napagdesisyunang sumama sa iba nitong mga co-teachers papunta sa Phase9, a small bar sa resort. Wala naman talaga syang balak pumunta and she just plans to read the whole night para maenjoy nya nang lubos ang araw bukas. But Bea can be a little persuasive. 

Alam nitong mahilig sya sa banda _, (kahit hindi sikat)_ at sa totoo lang, Bea wouldn't stop pestering her to come. Maaga pa at sigurado syang kapag hindi pa sya nito napilit thru text, pupuntahan talaga sya nito para yayain. Kaladkarin, if things doesn't go her way the first try. 

Okay lang naman talaga sana. Kaso narinig nya na pupunta din doon sina Chase. Sigurado ay nandoon din si Sehun. Buong araw nyang iniwasan ang binata kahit na alam nyang todo subok itong kausapin sya. Hindi nya din kinuha ang ipinapabigay nitong juice at cookies. Pakiramdam ni Hana ay bumabalik na naman sila sa dati and Hana doesn't really want to remember how easily she wished for him to the stars just because he was making her special. Ayan tuloy. 

_Wag kasi natin hilingin sa mga bituin yung mga taong hindi naman pala sigurado sa atin._

Hana sighs as he picks up her cardigan, brushing of her thoughts about him.

Naka-pedal na syang maong at puting tshirt kaya hindi na sya nag-abalang magpalit. Hindi naman party yung pupuntahan nya. Tinali nya lang ang kanyang buhok at nagsuot na ng sapatos. Konting polbo at liptint lang, ayos na. Wala naman syang pagpapagandahan e. 

_Talaga nga ba?_

"Psst, Sehun." 

"Ano?" umangat ng tingin si Sehun mula sa basong kanina nya pa tinitignan. May nakakalokong ngiti ang kaibigan sa kanyang mukha at sinenyasan sya na tumingin sa kanyang likuran. 

Nagtataka man ay sinunod nya ang sinabi ng nito, and he's glad that he did. _Hana is here_. Ramdam nya ang pag-iwas nito mula kanina at kahit gusto nya itong makausap ay hindi sya nagpumilit. 

Sehun stayed rooted on his seat as he looks at Han being dragged by an over excited Bea to their seat, a few tables away from where he and Chase was sitting. 

"Matunaw yan. Lapitan mo na. " Hindi na lang nya pinansin ang komento ng kaibigan at tinignan lang ang dalagang ngayon ay nakikipagkwentuhan na sa mga co-teachers nila. Wala na syang pakialam kung sumakit ang leeg nya sa basta makita nya lang ang dalaga. 

"Wala talagang mangyayari kung titignan mo lang yan." Chase added but only falls into deaf ears. Napailing na lamang ito. _Masyadong abala sa kakatitig ang Sir Sehun nyo._

Napangiti si Sehun nang inalok si Hana ng isang baso ng juice. Tinitignan kasi nito ng masama si Bea na akala mo alak ang binigay sa kanya, pero nung matikman nya ito ay nanlaki ang kanyang mga mata at sigurado si Sehun na Hana likes the blended drink. She looks absolutely adorable with her surprised face. 

He remembers how she likes fruits and fruit mix lang naman talaga ang binigay ni Bea sa kanya. Paano nya alam? He has the sama glass sitting on their table. 

Kahit nangangalay na ang leeg nya sa posisyon nya ay hindi nya yon ininda. "Sehun, jusko. Kung ayaw mo lapitan, wag mo namang titigan. Halata ka masyado. Parang tanga to." Chase yanked the sleeve of his hoodie para humarap sya dito. 

He sighs. Hindi nya kasi alam kung paano kakausapin ang dalaga, lalo na ngayong umiiwas ito. 

Masama bang hilingin nya na kahit naman saglit tapunan sya nito ng tingin? He really didn't know that she'll be here. At ngayon na nandito sya, hindi nya naman alam ang gagawin. 

"Uunahan ka pa ata ni Toff na dumiskarte ulit."

Nakangising sabi ni Chase. Napakunot naman ang noo nya sa sinabi ng kaibigan. 

"Toff's finally making a move on Kath. After 7 years, pare. Lumakas na loob ni Toff, akalain mo yun." umiiling pa na sabi ni Chase. 

Napatingin naman si Sehun sa kaibigan ni Hana. At ngayon din nya lang napansin na kanina pa ito inaasar nina Bea tungkol sa ka-text o kausap nito dahil kanina pa hawak ng dalaga ang cellphone nya. Ngayon alam nya na kung bakit. His friend Kristoff Kim, had finally had the guts to pursue the love of his life, Sue Katherine Doh. 

"Ikaw pare, hanggang kailan ka magiging mahina?" 

He scoffs. 

"Ikaw, hanggang kailan ka magsisinungaling sa sarili mo?" tanong nya rito. Kung sa kanila si Toff ang torpe, sya yung mahina, si Chase? Duwag. 

"Anong ibig mong sabihin?" kunot-noo nitong tanong pabalik sa kanya. 

He shrugs. "Ask Luna." 

"Don't call her that." Sehun just smirks. _Hindi lang ako ang hindi umuusad dito, kaibigan._

Pero kung talagang iisipin, siya nga kaya, kailan kaya sya magkakaroon ng lakas ng loob na umamin? Kailan kaya nya maipapaliwanga lahat ng hindi pagkakaintindihan noon? Kailan kaya sya titigil maging mahina?

He might have shown how much he cares, pero hindi nya pa nasasabi yung mga salitang matagal nya nang gustong sabihin. It was long overdue. Hanggang ngayon, all the words he wanted to say are just up in the air. At alam nya na lahat ng ginawa nya ay tila kaguluhan lang sa dalaga. He's not dense and he's not stupid either. He knows na naging paasa sya, without the assurance but with all the sudden changes, alam nya. He was aware of what he did, _(but not of what it had made her feel.)_

Dati, hinihintay nya lang yung tamang panahon para sabihin. Kasi alam nyang andyan lang sya naghihintay. Pero gago sya e. Ang daming nyang pinalampas na pagkakataon, ang daming nyang inunang isipin kesa sa kanya, ang dami nyang sinayang. Kasi akala nya, his actions were louder than all the lies he had to put up just to save her. He should've been honest. Kahit nga sa mga kaibigan nya, hindi makuhang sabihin ang dahilan kung bakit naging "gago" sya noon. _Nahihiya sya._

Ngayon, nangingibabaw na naman sa kanya ang takot na tuluyan nang mawala si Hana sa kanya. 

_"Malalagot ako kay ser neto e!"_ nagulat si Sehun nang biglang matapon sa kanya ang malamig na fruit drink na nasa mesa nya lang kanina.

"... hala ser, sorry ho. N-nagmamadali kasi ako. Naku. P-pasensya na po." tarantang sabi ng waiter. Nasagi kasi nito ang mesa nila kakamadali papunta sa loob. Inabutan sya nito ng pampunas at mabuti na lang at ang pantalon nya lang ang nabasa. 

"Meron ho kaming extrang damit, kukuhanan ko po kayo. Pasensya na ho talaga. Bayaran ko na lang ho yung inumin nyong natapon." Naawa naman si Sehun sa binatilyong natataranta na. Mukhang baguhan pa ito kaya halata ang kaba sa mukha. 

"Ayos lang. Hayaan mo na 'to. Saka wag mo na ring bayaran." sagot bya dito habang pinupunasan pa rin ang pantalon nya. 

"Oo nga. Kumalma ka na. Hindi ka namin isusumbong sa boss mo, wag mo na ring bayaran yubg drink. It won't scratch Sehun's card to buy another one naman." ang sabi naman ni Chase na nakapag-pakalma kahit papaano sa binatilyo. "Bakit nga pala nagmamadali ka?" 

"Hindi daw po kasi makakarating yung isang bokalista at drummer para sa banda. Ako pa naman ho yung nautusang kausapin sila. Kaso ayun po, hindi daw po sila makakarating. Mamaya na ho yung gig at pupunta dito si boss para tignan yung bar. Mapapagalitan po kami kapag walang banda. Highlight po kasi yun dito." dire-diretsong paliwanag ng binatilyo. Tinignan naman agad sya ni Chase at ngumiti. _Nawala na naman ang kaninang bakas ng lungkot sa mga mata nito. Nakamaskara. Nakatago._

"Tutulungan ka namin." Nakangising sabi ni Chase at alam na ni Sehun ang balak ng kaibigan. Napailing na lang sya. "Pero pahingi muna ng kami ng pampalit na pantalon, dahil hindi ko papakantahin ang kaibigan ko kapag amoy syang fruit mix." 

"Tarantado."

_"Alam mo, halata ka masyado."_ puna ni Bea at dun nya lang din napagtanto na sinusundan nya na pala ng tingin ang binata. Nakita nya kasing natapunan ito ng fruit mix nang tumayo sya para kumuha ng isa pang order. Bit instead of going to the counter like she planned, umupo sya ulit. Pinigilan nya kasi ang sarili. She's already contemplating whether to go to him or not. Dati kasi, kapag inaatake si Sehun nang pagka-clumsy nito. Hana would always be at his rescue. 

Oo, kanina nya pa alam na andito din si Sehun. Pagpasok nya pa lang. He can recognize his back anywhere. Para na nga syamg may radar minsan e. She hates it. 

While everyone was busy talking in their own little bubble, including Kath who was busy in her phone, Bea had the chance to tell Hana about what she observed the moment she arrived. 

Yung mga matang agad na may hinanap na alam na alam nya kung sino. Hana wasn't really the one to be subte. Tumabi sa kanya si Bea, nudging her arm as she smiled. "He's fine. Nakita ko naman, diba? Magpapalit na yun ng damit. Fruit mix lang yun, hindi naman sabaw na mainit." biro ng kaibigan. 

Tinignan na lamang ni Hana ang basong kanina nya pa hawak. _Finding the melting ice far more interesting than her growing agitation._

"Ano ba pinagsasabi mo jan, Beatrice." she says instead. 

"Sus. Deny pa. Saka, anong Beatrice? Ew." 

Natawa naman sya sa reaksyon ng kaibigan. "Alam mo," simula ni Bea at tumingin sa kanya. "I miss Hana." napakunot noo naman sya sa tinuran ng kaibigan _. Sya ba ang Hana na tinutukoy nito?_

"I mean, I like who she is now. Stronger. Finally tending to herself. Finally learning to love herself. Still not quite there, but trying." 

Upon realizing what her friend's talking about ay nakitawa na land din sya. "She's healing. But I can't help bit miss the Hana that was careless, that is always up to take a risk."

"Bea, if this is about Stephen —" napatigil sya nang marinig ang sarili na tawagin ang binata just like the way she used to before. Ngumiti lang naman sa kanya ang kaibigan. Phase9 wasn't as rowdy as the bars in the city. Tamang musika, inom, at kasiyahan lang. That's why they can talk freely, much to Hana's chagrin. She wasn't prepared for this talk, at all. Especially with a tipsy Bea na nagiging napaka-seryoso at sensible kausap. 

"It's not entirely about that pero sige, let's talk about him."

"Bea —" 

"Your stares, nor his, they never changed. Ganun pa rin. Katulad ng dati. And I know, sya pa rin." puna nito, at napa-buntong hininga na lamang sya. 

"Hindi na, okay? Tapos na yun." she denies. 

"Hana, he's trying. Nag-e-effort yung tao. Nasaktan ka nya, I know. I hate him for that. Pero Hanapots, hindi ka naman bulag diba? Hindi ka din naman manhid. Why don't you two talk? It's about time. Saka magiging magkatrabaho kayo, no." paliwanag nito. 

"Wala naman kami na dapat pag-usapan. What I had for him, or the lack thereof in his side was foolish." 

"You know that's not true. It wasn't. Alam mo yan. They weren't nothing. But maybe you'll hear his reason back then." Bea insisted. 

"Masyadong malalim yung bagay ba meron kayo noon para maging wala. Malay mo, he has reasons." 

"Bea, wala namang valid reason kapag hindi mo gusto ang isang tao e. You just don't see them that way, and I understand that." 

"Do you really?" luminga-linga si Bea sa paligid, checking if someone will hear. Sakto naman na nagpaalam yung kasama nila. 

"Una na kami, Ma'am Bea, Ma'am Hana. Inaantok na rin kami. Dalhin ko na din tong dalawa at baka malasing, mahirap na." paalam nito. 

Tumangi naman sila dito at pinagmasdan na lumabas sa bar. When they looked for Kath, wala ito sa upuan nito. 

"Ayun si Kath." turo nya sa kaibigan. Nasa labas ito, at kita nila mula sa kinauupuan nila na may kausap ito sa telepono at halata ang malaking ngiti ng dalaga. 

"Kausap nyan si Toff." sabi ni Bea na siguradong-sigurado. Umusog naman ito at kumuha ng maiinom. Ladies' drink lang naman iyon kaya hindi nya na sinaway si Bea. 

"Hanapots," hindi pa pala sila tapos mag-usap. 

"We're sorry." 

Napatingin naman sya sa kaibigan. Why is she apologizing? 

"When the rumor broke out a month before our graduation. We didn't believe it. Syempre. Kayo yun dapat e. It didn't last long din. So, we thought, parang sa mga binabasa ko nun sa Wattpad, challenge lang yun sa relationship nyo. Sinabi ko pa yan kina Kath and they agreed. You were fine, iniisip namin nun, ang laki ng tiwala mo sa kanha because you never talked about him. We we're so busy, that we didn't confirm if you were really fine."

"Bea —" 

"Di namin napansin na your eyes nung grad, they were sad. We didn't notice na you didn't talk to him when he tried. We didn't notice that you were hurting back then kasi we believed you were fine. Hindi namin napansin na something is already consuming you inside, that's why we're sorry. For not knowing, Han. Ikaw, lagi mong napapansin kapag hindi kami okay, mapa-text man o personal. Pero kami? We never did."

"It's okay, Bea. It's okay." They already said sorry to her before, pero wala naman na dapat hingan ng tawad. He chose to be closed. She didn't think her feelings were valid enough to tell them. 

Bea just smiles and heavily breathes. "Kung hindi namin napapansin yung sadness mo, we saw what made you happy. And Han, he is one of them. He makes you happy. Alam namin na you had your struggles, pero alam mo, you were happier dealing with it when you had him. Parang it was bearable. You said it yourself." umiwas ng tingin si Hana, because it was true. Things were bearable because of him back then. 

"I understand where you're coming from, ha. Nakwento mo na yung side mo. But what about his side? Saka, do you see how he looks at you? His stares. It is still the way it was before."

"We can't be assured nor fooled by just stares, Bea." she chuckles, humorless. She drowned in those stares a long time ago. 

"How can you explain his efforts, then?" 

"Maybe he just wants to be friends again." _That she doubts._

"Friends don't look at you like that, Hana." 

This time Hana laughs, "Eto na naam tayo sa looks na yan? Ano bang looks yan?" Ayaw nya na pag-usapan. 

"A look with regret and longing. He looks at you like you've been lost tapos ngayon ka lang nya nahanap ulit. You had always been fascinated by his eyes. Don't tell me that you don't see it yourself. Because I know you do."

Hana didn't even look at her nor answer. Makikita lang naman nito yung katotohanan na nasa mga mata nya. Your mouth may lie, but your eyes never does. 

"Mahal mo pa sya, and no, that's not a question. Wag mo pigilan yung sarili mo, Hanapots. Andyan sya, oh. Andyan na sya. You deserve the happiness you deserve, at kahit alam kong nasaktan ka dahil sa kanya, pero you had been so different when you lost him. Or in this case, when he lost you. Gusto ko nang bumalik si Hana. The happier Hana, and kahit ayokong sabihin 'to but you were so so alive when you're with him."

Napatingin si Hana kay Bea sa sinabi nito. She wasn't entirely wrong. Well, she wasn't really wrong. Hana knows for herself how Sehun has made everything bearable. Kahit wala itong ginagawa, he could make her days more alive. 

Ngumiti lang ang kaibigan sa kanya, ngiting alam nyang may kahulugan. Bea had always been observant. Madaldal man ito at makulit pero alam ni Hana na lubos syang kilala ng kaibigan. 

Tama si Bea, hindi naman sya manhid. Kanina nya pa nararamdaman ang titig nito sa kanya. Pilit nya mang huwag pansinin ang lakas ng tibok ng puso nya ay hindi nya magawa. Ni isang beses ay hindi sya lumingon sa gawi nito, afraid that her stares would make her resolves crumble again. He doesn't hate him, God no. She's just… trtrying to save her heart from another disappointment. Baka kasi iba ang marinig nya kesa inaasahan nya, and she can't. _Not now_. 

" _Good Evening_." isang pamilyar na boses ang umalingawngaw sa paligid at natahimik ang lahat. Mabilis na napatingin si Hana sa mini stage na mayroon ang bar kung saan dapat tutugtog ang banda. Gulat na gulat sya nang makita si Sehun sa maliit na entablado, may hawak na gitara, at nakangiti habang nakatingin sa madla. 

"The management would like to apologize for the delay. Nagkaroon kasi ng emergency ang orihinal na bandang sana'y mag-aalay sainyo ng mga awitin para sa gabing ito." magalang na simula ni Sehun and everyone cooed with his accent. Halatang hindi ito sanay na straight magsalita ng Tagalog. 

"But the night wouldn't be complete without music, right? And although we're not professionals, We hope we can still… be worthy of your time." Umingay bigla ang madla, saying that they will. Nakita nyang huminga nang malalim ang binata, indikasyon na kinakabahan ito, pero hindi nawala ang ngiti nito. Nung tinignan nya si Bea, ay literal na nakanganga ito. She wouldn't blame her, Chase is in front of the drums, drumsticks in his hands.

"Unfortunately, we don't have a name." Sehun says at natawa ang mga tao. She couldn't laugh, tho. Not with how her heart is hammering right now. Sobrang tagal na mula nung makita nya si Sehun na may hawak na gitara. Katulad ni Bea, she's just as astonished as she was. 

"But if you know this song, which I know you do, feel free to sing along. This is Ben and Ben's Masyado Pang Maaga." Naghiyawan naman ang mga manonood nang magsimula nang lumikot ang ilaw and Sehun began to strum his guitar. 

Hindi nya maiwasang marinig ang mga komento ng mga tao tungkol sa bokalista. Gwapo, ang ganda ng boses habang nagsasalita, ang ganda ng ngiti, at biglang syang nakaramdam ng inggit. A feeling that wasn't really welcome. 

Dati, she's one of those few people who had the privilege to hear him sing. Ngayon, hindi na. Natawa sya, she wasn't the only one anyway. She wasn't special. 

> _Bakit ba ang hirap-hirap_
> 
> _Magsabi nang diretsahan_?

Hana gasped when the moment the song started, Sehun found her gaze. 

> _'Di pagkakaunawaan_
> 
> _Pwede sanang pag-usapan_
> 
> _Tahan, pwede pa bang malaman?_
> 
> _Laman ng iyong isipan_
> 
> _Para walang maling akala_

Parang nagsusumamo ang mga mata nito habang nakatingin sa gawi nya. Tumatagos ang bawat liriko na akala mo'y isunulat ito para sa kanya. 

Naramdaman nyang kinalabit sya ni Bea, pinilit nyang bumitaw sa mga titig ng binata habang kumakanta at lumingon sa kaibigan. 

"Feel the song, Han." she mouthed, and when she looked ahead again, like there was that pull to never take her eyes off him. Then she found his eyes, that remained there still — glued to her. 

As if she's the only one he sees. 

> _Parang kay bilis ng iyong pag-alis_
> 
> _Teka lang, teka lang, teka lang muna_
> 
> _Sa'n nagkamali? Pwede bang bumawi?_
> 
> _Teka lang, teka lang, teka lang muna_
> 
> _Masyado pang maaga…_

The crowd was waving their hands side to side. Halatang marami ang 'liwanag' sa madla. 

> _Parang kay bilis ng iyong pag-alis_
> 
> _Teka lang, teka lang, teka lang muna_
> 
> _Sa'n nagkamali? Pwede bang bumawi?_
> 
> _Teka lang, teka lang, teka lang muna_
> 
> _Masyado pang maaga_
> 
> _Para mawala ka_

Sehun sang with his heart, gaze never leaving hers. Natatakot syang baka kapag pumikit sya, o di kaya'y tumingin sa ibang direksyon ay mawala sya. 

_Hindi pwede_. 

> _Masyado ba akong naniwala sa iyong pinangako_
> 
> _Na minahal kita higit pa sa sarili ko?…_

In Sehun's mind, he hopes, pleads even, na sana marinig nya. Sana madama nya yung emosyon na pinapahatid nya sa dalaga. 

> _Diyos ko_
> 
> _Ba't 'di kita malimot?_

_As selfish as it sounds, I won't let you forget me Hana. Hear me, please_. 

> _Teka lang, teka lang, teka lang muna_
> 
> _Masyado pang maaga_
> 
> _Para mawala ka_
> 
> _Masyado pang maaga_
> 
> _Para mawala ka_

**_"Ayokong mawala ka_**."

Hindi nya namalayan ang hiyawan ng mga tao sa loob ng bar nang matapos nya ang kanta. Kitang-kita nya din ang paglaki ng mga mata ni Hana sa gulat, at ang madaliang pag-iwas nito ng tingin, namumula. 

_Ayokong mawala ka_. Nasabi nya pala iyon ng malakas, kaya pala labis ang hiyawan ng mga tao. Lumingon sya sa likod at nakitang nakangisi ang kaibigan sa kanya. 

"Isa pa! Isa pa! Isa pa!" 

"Sabi ni Ma'am Hana isa pa daw!" dinig nyang sigaw ng isang babae na sigurado syang si Bea. Tumingin naman sya sa gawi ni Hana at nakitang nakatingin din ito sa kanya. 

So, he looked at her like he's asking for permission, 

and the moment she nodded, he smiled… 

and started another song... for her.

_Because, from the start, it was always about her._

_**@itshanamiracle_** posted a tweet_

_Ba't nga ba di kita malimot?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ikaw, sino yung hindi mo malimot?


	9. Chapter 9

Humahangos na linapitan ni Sehun si Chase sa table nila kanina. Bumalik sya sa labas nang masiguro nya na wala na ang mga babae na kanina'y nanghihingi ng number nya at gusto sya makausap. They look like visitors, foreign liberated ones, only staying for the night. How he wanted to push them out of his way para malipitan yung dalagang gusto nya talaga makausap sa oras na iyon. 

He was really hoping na baka hayaan sya nitong makalapit, for them to talk. The way she looked at him, it gave him hope. He felt like she gave him permission and even if it's not verbally said — he would take his chances. 

Pero naudlot ang plano nya nang may mga babae na sumalubong sa kanila matapos nila mag-perform. Napilitan syang magsinungaling to escape and after almost of what he feels like an hour of locking himself in the bathroom, saka lang sya lumabas. 

"Oh, Sehun? Where have you been? Napa-alis na yung mga dumumog sa'yo. They're demanding for you, us, kasi kahit sinabihan na sila that we aren't part of the staff. Ang kukulit." Kitang-kita kay Chase na naiinis ito. His friend never like being evaded. Especially of people he doesn't know.

"Si Hana? Where is she?" He scanned the place with only few people left. "Where are they?" 

Mas lalo naman na dumilim ang mukha ng kaibigan. "They left." 

"What?" 

"They left. Wala na sila dito."

Sehun did nothing but sigh in disappointment. He already expects it to happen, sa tagal nyang nagtago, Hana leaving the bar was inevitable. Pero hindi nya pa rin maiwasan na manlumo. Another ruined chance. 

He looked at his friend as he sat in front of him, at tila malayo ang iniisip nito. 

"Saan ka nagtago?" tanong nya rito. 

"Sa storage room. Yun ang natakbuhan ko e." sagot nito. 

"Then? What's with the long face?" 

"Sehun, you're not the only one who can be pissed off right now." iritang sabi nito. Sa totoo lang hindi din alam ni Chase kung bakit galit sya, o iritable. He's just... sad, for reasons he doesn't know. Wala naman na nangyari, he hid himself sa storage room then got out a moment later after hearing the waiter they met awhile ago na wala na yung mga makukulit na asungot. 

He came back to where they were sitting and saw Bea paying for their drinks. When their eyes met, his breath hitched with the way she looked at him. There was nothing in her eyes this time, unlike all those times that it shone with recognition and fondness. Walang ganun ngayon sa mga mata ng dalaga. Something was left aching in his chest, and he doesn't know why it was there. 

Nang tuluyang maka-alis ang dalaga kasama si Hana, he drank all of the contents in his glass in one gulp, hoping it would wash away the odd feeling in his chest. _But it didn't._

"Tara na. I feel suffocated here." Chase says, he wanted to calm his nerves so mabuti nang umalis sila. 

"Mauna ka na. Mamaya na 'ko." sagot ni Sehun. 

Chase noticed how disappointed Sehun looked, kaya hindi nya na din binanggit yung iniisip nya. He doesn't even know what's going on with him, and he knows Sehun will help to the point that it will frustrate him. Ayaw nya na dumagdag pa sa isipin ng kaibigan. 

"Sige. You have your keys." paalam nya sa kaibigan, mas mabuti siguro to leave him with his thoughts for a moment. 

Hindi alam ni Sehun kung pang-ilang beer na ang natungga nya nung umalis si Chase. Lumipat sya sa ibang pwesto, a lot secluded from where he was sitting awhile ago, dahil kahit gusto nya magpakalasing, alam nya pa rin kung ano ang ipinunta nila dito and he's not willing to cause a commotion or any issue. Kahit normal lang naman talaga sa tao kahit guro ang uminom at malasing. 

To say that he is disappointed is an understatement. Gusto nya nang makausap ang dalaga, but the universe seems to be so against it. Gusto nya lang naman na magpaliwanag. All he wanted was to confess everything he wasn't able say all those years. He just wants her back. 

Wala na ba talaga? 

His vision is already blurry, feeling lightheaded, and nauseous. So instead of standing up, he chose to rest his head against the glass wall to balance himself. "Hana." her name escaped his lips. "I... I m-miss...y-y-you." 

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, indicating a call. Kinuha nya ito, accepting it without even looking at the caller's ID. 

"He-Hello? H-hana?" maybe because of the bubbling hope in his stomach and hazy effect on alcohol in his mind, akala nya kinakausap nya si Hana. 

_"Gago, hindi 'to si Hana."_ the man on the other line snickered. 

"Huh? Sino ka?" comes his drunken reply. 

"Andyan ka pa rin ba? Wag mo sabihin sakin na nagpapaka-wasted ka jan? Remind lang kita na kahit pinayagan tayo mag-enjoy dito pwede ka ng maglasing. Teachers pa rin tayo, tol." saway ni Chase sa kaibigan. 

"C-chase Ysmael?" Chase sighs on the other line. His friend already sounded so out of it. Tinawagan nya lang sana ito para tanungin kung anong oras pupunta sa kwarto nila dahil lampas alas onse na ng gabi. Knowing Sehun, hindi ito mahilig sa bar kaya nagtaka sya kung bakit hanggang ngayon ay wala pa ito sa sariling kwarto. Nagpkalasing na pala. 

"Oo, si Chase Ysmael 'to."

"Uy, Chase! Ikaw pala yan." 

"Ba't ka ba nagpakalasing? Parang tanga' to."

Chase decided na puntahan na ang kaibigan. Kailangan na nyang sunduin ito kundi baka kung saan na lang ito makatulog. He went out of his room and wore his jacket. 

"Wala na ba talaga?" Napatigil si Chase sa paghahanap ng tsinelas nya nang biglang magbago ang tono ng boses ni Sehun sa kabilang linya. 

"Alin ang wala na?" pagpapatuloy nya sa kaibigan. 

But instead of answering him, Sehun asked another question, na kahit sya ay hindi nya masasagot.

"Ayaw nya na ba talaga sa'kin?" Chase shook his head and continued to look for his footwear. He doesn't know how to deal with this kind of Sehun. Minsan lang kasi talaga ito mag-labas ng saloobin. He just knows when he is hiding something, pero kahit kailan ay hindi nila ito napilit magsalita. Magsasabi ito kung gusto nya, pero limitado o kaya kapag tapos na. Hana seems to be the topic he has no control over. 

"Ang layo sa tanong ko." He pauses. Thinking if tama ba ang sasabihin nya. "Pero Se, not to be mean ha. But you chose someone else over her. While she kept choosing and waiting for you back then, you were with someone else and you didn't even explain anything back then. Alam kong alam mo na mahal ka nung tao, anyone can tell, at nasaktan mo sya." he says the safest thing he would mutter — the things he knew. 

Anyone who have eyes can see how Hana gravitates towards Sehun and how Sehun treasured Hana. They were a pair and out of sudden, they weren't anymore. Kahit syang kaibigan ay walang alam, when he told her na may girlfriend na sya na hindi si Hana, laking gulat nya. Dahil ang alam nila, Sehun's heart was already taken by a girl he calls "Miracle."

Chase hears Sehun murmuring incoherent sentences on the other line and he asks him to speak properly. Kailangan nyang panatilihin na gising ang kaibigan kundi mahihirapan syang alalayan ito pauwi. 

"G-gago… Gago ako. Alam ko. Pero pakit parang ayaw nya na makinig? I.. I have my r-reasons, Cha-Chase."

"Alam mo, Se. Minsan your actions are not just the only things she needs. Magsalita ka. Kasi hindi nya maiintindihan kung lalo mo lang guguluhin ang isip nya sa mga kilos mo. Words and actions work together, Se." 

_Why are they having this conversation on the phone?_ Kailangan na nya talagang magmadali. 

"Paano kung ayaw nya ako makausap? The last time we did, it didn't end well." Sehun pauses and he waits for him to talk again habang naglalakad sya patungo sa bar. Dadalhin nya sana yung golf cart pero naalala nyang wala silang access doon unless permitted, and he's bringing a drunk friend. Ayaw nyang mabigyan ng memo, thank you very much. 

"She's.. she's uncomfortable with me around, too. Umalis nga sya kanina e. I was hoping I could at least say hi. I can't bear looking at her agitated. Parang takot na baka basagin ko uli sya.

Chase, masakit pala." Sehun spoke again at dama mo ang bigat sa mga salitang binitawan nya. 

"I think you're already too drunk, Sehun. You're being too honest." kahit gusto nyang gawing biro ang kalagayan ng kaibigan like they used to kapag nalalasing ang isa sa kanila, hindi nya magawa. Hindi na kailangan ni Sehun ang paalala na kahit sa kalasingan nya, ang dalaga pa rin ang hinahanap nya. He's already well-aware of that. 

"If magpakalasing pa ba ako, will she be here?" Napataas ang kilay ni Chase sa sinabi ng kaibigan, so he remembers that day.

"Naalala mo yun?" tanong nya. He's already near the premises of Phase9. 

"How could I forget that? Dun nagsimula lahat." mahinang sagot nito pero sapat lang para marinig nya. 

_"What do you mean?"_ Wala nang narinig na sagot si Chase mula kay Sehun, kaya akala nya ay nakatulog na ito. 

"Sehun? Hoy! Natumba ka na ba jan? Sehun! 

Pupuntahan na nga kita jan. Malapit na ako. Kapag ikaw nakalupasay jan pag dating ko kakaladkarin kita!"

Pinatay ni Chase ang tawag at dali-daling pumasok sa bar. Mabuti na lang at pinapasok pa sya ng sabihin nyang isa sya sa mga bisita at tumutog kanina. 

Nakahinga sya ng maluwag nang makita ang kaibigan na may malay. Akala nya ay talagang natumba na ito at walang nakapansin. Ilang bote na ng beer ang nakakalat sa mesa ng dumating sya. Naabutan nya ang kaibigan na nakatulala lamang habang nakatingin sa labas at tila walang pakialam sa paligid nya. 

The bar has glass walls, kaya hindi na sya nagtaka na natagpuan nya ang kaibigan na nakatanaw sa labas kung saan naroon ang swimming pool, at kitang-kita mula sa kinauupuan nito ang buwan at mga bituin sa langit. Konti na lang ang tao sa bar, kaya kahit nasa sulok naka-pwesto ang kaibigan ay agad nya itong nakita. 

Nang matignan ni Chase ang kalagayan ng kaibigan nang makalapit sya dito ng tuluyan, ay hindi nya maiwasang maawa dito. Sehun looked so sad and devastated. Kahit naka-ilang bote na ito ng alak ay tila hindi nito nalunod ang kalungkutan sa mga maya nito. Chase sighed with how hopelessly in love and broken his friend was. 

_Masyado kasing pabida e. Gusto akuin lahat_. 

"Pre. Tara na, higit isang oras ka na dito." aya ni Chase sa kaibigan pero hindi man lang ito gumalaw. Kasalanan talaga 'to ng mga babae kanina e. Alam naman ni Chase na gwapo sila pareho ng kaibigan pero hindi naman sila artista para pagkaguluhan. Hindi tuloy napuntahan ni Sehun yung dahilan kung bakit sya pumayag na maging bokalista para sa gabing iyon. 

"Sehun, hoy."

"G-gusto…. gusto kong maka-m-makausap si H-hana. A-asan… sya." sumisinok na sabi ni Sehun habang nakasandal ito sa pader na salamin. Pumipikit-pikit na ang mga mata nito, at konting oras na lang ay sigurado si Chase na babagsak na ito.

"P-puntahan ko sya." umupo na si Chase sa harap ng kaibigan. Hindi naman kasi talaga ito gumagalaw sa pwesto nito. Sehun had never made a scene when he's drunk. Kaya hindi na nag-abala si Chanyeol na pigilan sya. He won't do anything aside from falling asleep, face first. 

"Sa lagay mong yan, Hana won't talk to you." inilapag ni Chase ang cellphone nya sa lamesa at pinagkrus ang kanyang mga kamay sa dibdib. 

"Anong ibig mong sabihin ng sibabi mo kanina? That it all started with that?" 

Alam nila pareho kung ano ang tinutukoy ni Chase. And if you want answers, a drunk Sehun would give you that. He hopes. 

"Hana. Si H-hana dapat yung makakaaalam muna. P-pangako ko yun e." Napailing sya. Sehun had always put Hana first. Like how Hana always prioritized Sehun. _Past tense sa side ni Hana_. 

"Edi dapat noon pa sinabi mo na." Gusto pa sanang magsalita ni Chase pero pinigilan nya ang sarili. He doesn't know what entirely happened, ang alam nya lang ay may rason si Sehun noon at wala lang talaga sila sa tamang panahon. 

Kaya naiintindihan nya yung sobrang pag-effort ng kaibigan na itama lahat, yung pagsuyo, yung pag-asa nito na sana nasa tamang panahon na sila. Ayaw nya maging bias, but he saw Hana struggled with how Sehun was acting back then. Alam nyang ginulo ng kaibigan ang isip nito. He saw how hurt they both were kahit wala syang nakuhang salita mula sa dalawa. Maybe because kahit ikaw, mahahalata mo. The longing glances they throw at each other kapag hindi nakatingin ang isa. Ikaw na mismo yung gustong humigit sa kanila para magsama. 

Dalawang taon na. Sana naman, diba? 

"G-gago tong ka-kaibigan mo e." pabiro nitong sabi, pero sa lungkot ng mukha ng kaibigan, hindi nya makuhang tumawa. 

"Hindi ko alam ang pwede kong ipayo sa'yo, pre. Pero —" 

"Ser?" 

Hindi na natapos ni Chase ang sasabihin nang may waiter na dumating at tinignan ang mga bote sa mesa. Hindi nya pala itinabi. 

"Um, kaibigan ho nya ba kayo?" tanong nito sa kanya, "Oo, bakit?" 

"Hindi pa kasi ho nagbabayad si Ser."

 _Tangina naman, Sehun_. 

"Sige, ako na ang bahala magbayad."

"Sa counter na lang po, Ser." Tumayo naman si Chase at sinundan ang waiter. "Sehun, wag kang aalis diyan. Babayaran ko lang tong mga ininom mo. Pasalamat ka at wasak ka kundi naku." 

Hindi nya napansin na naiwan nya ang cellphone nya sa mesa at kinuha ito ng kaibigan. 

Sehun was drunk. But he's sure as hell wants to hear her voice. Alam ni Sehun na may number ni Hana ang kaibigan kaya kinuha nya ang cellphone nito. An impulsive move, I know. Ayaw nya naman kasi hingin dahil kung kakausapin nya ang dalaga, gusto nya ay dahil hinayaan sya nito. Ayaw nyang mamilit. 

_Pero pwede ba syang pagbigyan, kahit ngayon lang?_

Binuksan nya ang cellphone ng kaibigan. Mabuti na lang at alam nya ang password nito. _**0506**_. 

Kahit pumipikit-pikit na ang nga nata nya'y nahanap nya pa rin ang pangalan ng dalaga, and he didn't think twice. 

He calls her. 

_"Hello?"_

"H-han…" 

Parang sirang plaka na umuulit ang boses ni Sehun sa isipan ni Hana. _Ayokong mawala ka_. Kada pikit nya ay nakikita nya ang mga mata ng binatang tila nakikiusap. 

Hindi nya maintindihan, or mas tama atang sabihing ayaw nyang isipin na para sa kanya ang mga salitang iyon. 

"Hana, he was looking at you the whole time. May iba pa ba dito yung may nakaraan kasama sya? Wala. Ikaw lang, Hana. Ikaw yung ayaw nyang mawala." 

Naglalaro sa isipan nya ang mga sinabi ng kaibigan bago sya tuluyang umalis sa bar. Pakatapos kumanta nina Sehun ay madami ang nagsilapitan sa kanila. Hindi lang naman sila-sila ang nandoon, kaya may mga taong kahit hindi nila kilala, ay nakipag-usap at humingi ng litrato na akala mo artista sina Sehun. 

They looked like one kaya hindi na rin sya ganoong nagulat. 

"Hindi mo man lang ba lalapitan?" tanong sa kanya ni Kath na ngayon ay hindi na hawak ang cellphone nya. 

"Hindi na." He's busy. 

Ngayon ay nasa kwarto na sya, hindi pa rin makatulog. The thing about Hana is, napaka-insecure nyang tao. She gets shy way too much at kahit marami ang nagsasabi na wala naman syang dapat ika-insecure sa iba, hindi nya maiwasan. 

We're all insecure about something, and Hana, she had always been of not being enough. Kaya hindi nya nakuhang lapitan si Sehun kanina. 

The flocks of women surrounding him made her take her steps back. Remembering something from a certain someone. " _Sa lahat ng tao sa paligid nya, what made you think he'd choose you? What do you think you have na wala ang mga taong handa ding ibigay sa kanya lahat? What made you special out of the others, Hana?"_

Hanggang ngayon, hindi nya makuhang makalimutan ang eksaktong linyang iyon mula sa kanya. At hanggang ngayon, she can't find an answer to that question. Narinig nya yun, on the days she felt so little and no one can blame her for feeling that way. 

Kaya hanggang ngayon din, kinakain sya ng pagdududa. Hindi nya pa makuhang maniwala. 

Dahil hindi naman madali. Hindi madaling maniwala sa isang bagay kung buong buhay mo, kabaliktaran yung naramdaman mo. Yung pinaramdam sa'yo. 

Kahit gustong-gusto na ni Hana umiyak, pinigilan nua ang sarili. Tumayo sya mula sa pagkakahiga at pumunta sa maliit na kusina. Maybe a cup of milk can make her sleep and forget about this lingering thought she shouldn't be thinking about. 

She should stop thinking about him all the time. He's like living in her thoughts, rent free. 

Biglang tumunog ang telepono nya at nagtaka sya kung sino ang tumatawag sa kanya sa ganitong oras. 

_**Sir Chase Ysmael calling**_ … 

Napakunot ang noo nya ng makita ang caller's ID. Bakit tumatawag ang binata sa kanya sa ganitong oras ng gabi. Halos mag-uumaga na nga. Nagtataka man ay sinagot nya ang tawag at halos mabitawan nya ang kanyang telepono nya nang marinig kung sino ang nasa kabilang linya. 

_"H-han..."_

Her heart drops. 

_"H-hana?"_ tawag nitong muli sa pangalan nya. 

She could recognize his voice anywhere. It's Sehun's. She knows it's him. 

"Se.." 

" _K-ku… kukumusta k-ka, Han? Hindi na tayo nag-uusap."_ Hana frowns as she hears Sehun's ragged breaths, and hiccups. Lasing ba ito? Bakit? 

_"Two.. T-two years. I haven't talked to you for two years. K-kasi wala ka. Kasi.. H-hindi ko alam kung asan ka.."_ Hana just listened, her heart aching with how sad his voice was. 

_"Ngayon, ...ngayon, andito ka, hindi mo naman ako pinapansin. A-ang lapit mo lang pero ang layo mo pa rin."_

"Sehun. L-lasing ka na. Where's.. Where's Chase? You need to rest." Hana stutters. 

_"H-hindi ako l-lasing."_

"That's something a drunk person would say, Stephen. You're drunk." 

_"I'm not!"_

"Se—" 

_"I just miss you."_

Biglang napatayo si Hana nang marinig na may bumagsak sa kabilang linya. "Stephen!" 

Tila naka-auto pilot si Hana nang kumaripas sya papunta sa kwarto nya para kunin ang jacket nya. Hindi na alintana kung naka-pajama pa sya. All she thinks about was Sehun. 

Kahit bawal, she took the golf cart na nakaparada sa harap ng villa na tinutuluyan nila. Mabuti na lang at may hawak syang susi. Makakapunta sya sa Phase9 nang mas mabilis. 

Naglalaro sa isipan nya ang kalagayan ni Sehun. Labis ang kaba na nararamdaman nya kahit alam nyang nasa publiko naman itong lugar at malaki ang tiyansang may makakakita rito. 

Nakarating sya agad sa Phase9 as fast as she hoped she would. Dumiretso sya sa guard at tinignan sya na parang nagtataka kung ano ang ginagawa nya sa lugar na iyon na ganoon ang itsura. 

"Ate," hinihingal na tawag nya sa lady guard. "Pwede po ba pumasok. Tumawag po kasi yung kaibigan ko, lasing na. Alam nyo po ba kung asan syang parte ng bar?" 

Agad naman syang tinanguan ng guard at sinamahan sa loob para ituro kung saan sya may nakitang binata. "May isang lalaki doon sa sulok na umiinom mag-isa kanina. Baka iyon nag hinahanap mo."

"Salamat po." 

Dali-daling pumunta si Hana sa lugar na itinuro ng guard. Hindi nya pinansin ang tingin sa kanya ng iilang tao na nandoon. Nanlaki ang mata nya ng makita si Sehun na nakasalampak sa mesa, hawak pa rin ang cellphone ni Chase. 

"Stephen?" nilapitan nya ito at hinawakan sa balikat. Checking if nakatama ba ang ulo nito at nasaktan. When she felt him breathing, dun lang sya nakahinga ng maluwag. "Stephen? Gising." 

"Kailangan kita maiuwi. Asan ba kasi ang kaibigan mo?" Kahit ilang ulit na ni Hana tinawag ang pangalan ng binata ay hindi ito gumagalaw. Hana started to question herself why did she ran out of their room to go to him. 

Umupo sya sa tabi nito at pinagmasdan ang mukha ng binata. Mapayapa ang itsura nito, malayo sa aligaga at malungkot na mukha nito mula nung magkita silang muli. Hindi nya man makuhang aminin pero mula noon hanggang ngayon, she seems to notice all those little things about him. 

Hinawi nya ang buhok nitong nakatakip sa nakapikit na mata ng binata at napangiti sya ng kumunot ang noo nito na tila nakiliti sa biglang pagsagi ng buhok nya sa kanyang mukha. 

"Still cute as ever." she says under her breath. Even with the bags under his eyes, mapapansin mo pa rin ang angking kagwapuhan ng binata — ang matangos nitong ilong, ang mahahaba nitong pilik-mata, mapupulang labi, and even the scar on his cheek seems to be an attraction.

Hindi nya na napansin na sinusundan na ng daliri nya ang kurba ng ilong nito patungo sa kanyang pisngi at ang unti-unting pagbukas ng mga mata ng binata. 

Naramdaman nya na lamang na hinawakan sya ng binata sa kamay at hinalikan ang daliring humahaplos sa mukha nito kanina lang. 

"S-Stephen…" napasighap sya ng tuluyan nang maibukas ng binata ang kanyang mga mata at ngumiti. 

"Andito ka. I'm not dreaming, am I? You're here." Kahit halatang nahihilo ay umupo ito ng maayos at agad nya naman itong inalalayan. Nang makaupo ito ng maayos ay hindi nya inasahang ihihilig nito ang ulo sa kanyang balikat. Itutulak nya na sana ang binata nang ipulupot nito ang mga braso nito sa bewang nya, pulling her closer to him. Surprisingly, she didn't struggle in his hold for him to let go, instead she let him curl into her side. 

"Sehun…" 

"I'm not Sehun. I'm Stephen. Y-you call me Stephen." maktol nito at nararamdaman ni Hana ang init ng hininga nito sa kanyang leeg. She tries to ignore the shivers it left her. 

"We need to get you to your room. Lasing ka na." hinawakan nya sa balikat ang binata pero mas lalp lamang nitong hinigpitan ang yakap sa kanya. Lumalakas ang kabog ng puso nya, hindi sya makahinga. 

"Ayoko." sagot nito. 

"Bakit? Mag-uumaga na Se —Stephen, kailangan na natin bumalik. Halika na."

"Hindi. Ayoko."

"Stephen…" 

"Baka kapag binitawan kita, mawala ka. Ayoko. _Ayokong mawala ka_."

Hana was left speechless. Parang tumigil ang oras at ang tanging naririnig nyang gumagalaw ay ang tibok ng puso nya. 

"Stephen…" 

"Dito ka lang. Please…. Wag mo akong iwan." napapikit na lang si Hana hanang pinakikinggan ang pakiusap ng binata. She was never good at saying no to his wishes, and today, she thinks, will not be an exception. 

She missed his warmth. Ang paraan nito ng pagyakap sa kanya ay hindi nagbago — she still feels safe in his arms at kahit siguro ay itanggi nya ng paulit-ulit, she will always feel like the luckiest girl in the world to be held by him. 

Kahit sa mga panahon na hindi sya sigurado sa kung ano ang meron sa kanila, his warmth was enough to make her hold onto him. He made her feel like her entire world will be enough as long as he is there. 

And she realized that Sehun will always be that feelings she felt too much. 

Hana feels her eyes starting to brim with tears. Her heart aching with every throb that she always knew that is meant for him. Naaalala nya na naman. 

"Why are you doing this, Stephen? Why are you doing this to me?" 

Bumitaw sa pagkakayakap si Sehun at hinawakan ang kanyang pisngi, he made her look into his eyes and there she saw fear, regret, and longing. 

"Pinapaiyak na naman kita. I'm sorry." he whispers as he wipes her tears ever so gently. Hana stares into his eyes as he did, at tila nalulunod sya sa mapupungay nitong mga mata. 

Sehun's eyes were always deep, parang hinihigop ka sa kawalan at wala kang kawala. That's what Hana always felt when she looks at his eyes, those deep dark orbs na sumasalamin ng buo nyang pagkatao. Hindi nagsisinungaling. 

Hindi nya namalayan ang unti-unting paglapit at paglapat ng kanilang mga labi and Hana felt the softness of his lips against hers. She can taste the bitterness of the liquor he took and she gasped, finally realizing what was happening. He pulls away. 

"Ikaw lang. Ikaw pa rin. I meant it the first time, and I meant it now. _Ikaw_."

Hana felt her heart stopped then suddenly came to life like it's about to leap out from her chest while her body stiffens under his hold. The butterflies in her stomach also seems to flutter relentlessly, if that's even possible. 

Why does he need to say these things that'll make everything in her tremble? 

Lalong pumungay ang mga matang sumalubong sa kanya at bago pa man sya makapagsalita ay bumagsak muli ang ulo ng binata sa kanyang balikat. "Stephen —" 

"Fuck," rinig nya at agad syang napatingin kay Chase na gulat na gulat, mirroring her own reaction. 

_"He kissed you, again. Drunk."_

And Hana never felt so confused in her life, ngayon lang. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow updates, been really busy and preoccupied. :(
> 
> I hope you're doing great today. ❤️


	10. Downfalls — Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow updates. :(  
> We're near on knowing what entirely happened in the past that's why this chapter is longer than my previous updates. This is Part 1. :)

🎥🎥🎥

_**November 2017 4th Year, 2nd Sem.**_

_"Naloka naman ako sa transferee. Second sem na talaga pumasok pero nasa last year na sya. Akala ko bawal yun?"_

_"Na-credit ata yung units nya sa sister school ng SJU kaya ganon."_

_"Bakit lumipat? Ang alam ko 2nd year, nagtransfer tas balik na naman ngayon. Wow."_

_"Andito kasi yung Dad e. The President C."_

_"Corrupt. Lol."_

_"May makarinig sa inyo. Isumbong pa tayo kay Mina. Naku."_

Mina? Parang pamilyar ang pangalan.

Hana doesn't really wants to eavesdrop, pero mahirap hindi makinig kung halos lahat ng tao sa hallway at classrooms ay iyon ang pinag-uusapan. Mula nung mag-start ang second sem, usap-usapan na yung transferee sa SJU. Hindi naman nila masasabi na bagong lipat talaga ito dahil dito na iyon nag-aral noon, lumipat lang sa sister school ng SJU na pinamamahalaan noon ng kanyang ama.

_Well, enough about that_. 

Maraming nagbago simula nung magbukas ang second semester. Aminin man sa hindi ni Hana ay nalulungkot sya sa mga pagbabagong iyon. Sa makalipas na taon, naging malapit sila ni Stephen. People we're even asking them kung sila na, and they would just smile at them.

 _"Magkaibigan lang kami."_ They would always say. 

Pero _pa-showbiz_ lang ang tingin ng iba sa sagot nila. Paano ba naman kasi? Lagi silang magkasama, you won't see the other na wala ang isa. Wala din naman sigurong magkaibigan na hatid-sundo ang babae, pinapagluto ang lalaki kasi hindi daw ito marunong magluto, yung "daily dose of coffee" ng dalawa araw-araw, yung mga paghawak sa kamay, paghalik sa noo, at yung karapatan na tawagin ang isa't-isa sa second name nila. 

_Miracle and Stephen_. That's what they call each other. Strictly for each other, only. 

HunHan (SeHun at Hana) naman sa iba, para sa mga nakasuporta sa kanila at hindi din nila iyan alam. Bea made sure na hindi alam ng "OTP" nya ang pangalan na ibinigay nya sa dalawa. _They would surely be embarrassed about it._

Kaya sino naman ang hindi mag-iisip na may something sa kanila, diba? Kulang lang na lang yung salitang "mahal kita" at label. 

Hana loves Sehun. Hindi na sikreto iyon. Kahit tanging mga kaibigan lang nya ang pinagsabihan niya ng kanyang nararamdaman, she can't hide her eyes that screams pure adoration para sa binata. Lagi itong tumutulong sa mga gawain ng binata sa council kahit hindi ito parte ng organisasyon simula nung ma-elect ito. She was always there sa mga panahon na nagkakasakit na ang binata sa pagod. 

Hana became Sehun's family. Wala kasi ang ina nito sa Pilipinas at naiwan sya dito para mag-aral sa kanyang kagustuhan na maging guro. Having Sehun at an early age and raising him alone, Sehun didn't tie down his mother with her obligation. Marami ang naging desisyon nito na hindi sya kasama pero mahal na mahal ng binata ang ina. 

On the other hand, Sehun shows he cares in his actions. Simple or grand. Lagi itong nakaalalay, kahit busy ito sa gawain nya sa council ay nagkakaroon pa rin ito ng oras para kay Hana. Nang tuluyang maghiwalay ang mga magulang ng dalaga, nandoon sya para patahanin ang ito. Tumulong syang aluhin ito, na tanggapin ang nangyari, at bumangon. He was there when Hana said na they're going fine, when she started smiling again because they were moving forward. Sa isang taon na lumipas, mas lalong tumatag ang _pagkakaibigan_ nila. 

They were each other's strength. Each other's lifeline. 

Kahit wala silang label, o kung ano mang tawag sa meron sila ngayon, Hana's happy as long as he was there. Sapat na iyon. Kung para naman sila sa isa't isa ay maghihintay sya. Si Sehun naman iyon. He was always worth everything. 

Pero may mga panahon na susubukin ka, na kailangan pala nay kasiguraduhan ka. Dahil kung wala, sino ka nga ba sa buhay nya? 

Bigla kasing nagbago ang binata. And thet terrified Hana greatly. Anong nangyari? May nagawa ba sya? Hindi nya alam. 

All she knows was the warmth she had always felt with him, slowly turned cold. 

**Monday**. 

Muling napabuntong-hininga si Hana habang naglalakad patungong library. Lunes na lunes pero parang pang-biyernes santo na ang mukha nya. It was already three in the afternoon and she decided na ayusin ang mga lesson plan nya sa library while she waits for Sehun to atleast reach out. Buong araw syang nagtext dito, while on normal days she would get replies and even a call, ngayon, just like the previous days — wala. Nada. Nothing. Even a good morning na nakasanayan na nilang dalawa. 

Ayaw nya naman na maging makulit, so she doesn't demand anything from him, especially his time. She just really feels sad dahil nung mga nakaraang araw ay talagang hindi nya na makausap ang binata. Madalang na. Not even seen or delivered most of the time. Halos ay hindi nya na nga maabutan na online ito. Alam nya naman na abala si Sehun, pero hindi na man sya ganito dati. He would always make time. She even remembers him saying na never nyang hahayaan na mawalan sya ng time for his friends, for her. 

Mas abala nga sya noong 1st sem kung tutuusin but he made time. Bakit ngayon hindi? May mga bagong set na naman ng officers, ah. Pero knowing Sehun, napaka-hands on nga naman nito sa service nya. Gusto nito na pulido ang trabaho. He's probably training the new batch on what to do. Mr. President e. Siguro nga. 

Hana checks her phone for the nth time that day, contemplating if she'll call him. But instead of clicking the call button, pinatay nya ang kanyang cellphone bago umupo sa isang vacant space sa lib. Kanina pa sya nag-iwan ng text messages and none of it had gotten a reply. Gusto nya na talaga tawagan pero naisip nya —She's acting like a clingy girlfriend! And they're not even together! Gusto na lang ni Hana sabunutan ang sarili nya. She's been so attached already. 

Pilit inaalis na Hana ang kalungkutan na nararamdaman nya. Gusto nya lang naman malaman kung maayos ang kalagayan nito. He waited for him to call yesterday like he said he would, _pero napuyat na sya't lahat ay walang tawag na dumating._

Another sigh escaped her lips as she stacked her papers on the table. Ilulunod nya na lang ang sarili nya sa paggawa ng lesson plan kesa maghintay sa tawag ng binata. He'll call if he has the time, and right now hindi dapat priority ni Hana na maghintay kung kailan sya magkaka-time. 

"Self, may syllabus at TOS ka pang gagawin for your portfolio. Focus, okay? Okay." 

For the next hours, iginugol ni Hana ang sarili sa pagtapos ng mga paperworks nya. In the back of her head, she was hoping that at the end of the day, she'll be greeted with a simple "I'm okay." from Sehun. Yun lang. She'll take anything. More than the fact na sobrang namimiss nya na ang binata, mas nangingibabaw pa rin ang pag-aalala nya dito. 

Even after she finished her lesson plans and her assignments not even due yet, she still waited for a reply to her constant "just checking up on you" messages. Even after she went home, ate dinner, and went to bed, — she waited. 

Kahit isang message lang, she'll take it. 

But sadly, not one single text came. 

_**@hanahimala** posted a tweet_

Mahirap pala kapag nakasanayan mo na, tapos biglang magbabago because of certain *understandable* circumstances. Valid pero nakaka-sad pala talaga. :( 

Do you want to delete this tweet? 

No Yes

**_Yes_ **

Wala nga pala syang karapatan magreklamo. 

**Tuesday**. 

"Mukhang puyat ka na naman, ghorl. Tawag magdamagan ulit?" bungad sa kanya ni Bea pagpasok nya sa Prof. Ed class nila. Lagi silang maaga kung pumasok kaya hindi na sya nagtaka kung bakit her friends were already deated on their usual seat. Sa likod. 

"Ano na naman napagkwentuhan nyo? Bakit daw laging busy?" usisa ni Jedah. "Di ko nga din yun madalas makita, after meetings may errands pa atang pinipuntahan. Di sinasabi sa'yo kung saan?" nagtatakang tanaong nito. Kadalasan kasi mas alam nya pa kung ano ang ginagawa nito kesa sa kasama mismo sa council. 

"Hindi." matamlay nyang sagot. 

Nagkatinginan naman ang nga kaibigan nya. Finally noticing the strain in her voice. Nagturuan naman ang tatlo kung sino ang magtatanong sa kanya. 

"Hana? Ayos ka lang ba?" Katherine asked. 

"T-tumawag si Papa kanina," simula nya at Bea already took a seat beside her at idinantay ang ulo nito sa balikat nya. Napangiti sya dahil this is Bea's way of comforting her. 

Katherine and Jedah nodded at her to continue. "Tuwang-tuwa yung dalawa. Humingi pa nga ng pasalubong. Akala nila nasa trabaho lang si Papa. Hindi nila alam sumakabilang bahay na pala." napatawa si Hana ng mapait, of how gullible her siblings must be to believe na nasa trabaho lang talaga ang ama. 

"His clothes were still there e. Parang hindi sya umalis. Kami lang ni Mama yung may alam na.. na..." 

"Shhhh. Wag mo na ituloy, Hanapots." alo sa kanya ni Kath. 

"Tanggap na naman namin e. Kaso sina Harry. Kawawa yung mga kapatid ko." 

She didn't cry. Tapos na sya dun. She accepted it, pero aaminin nya, masakit. Masakit pa rin. 

Huminga sya ng malalim at nginitian ang mga kaibigan. "We'll be fine. Emotionally. Bumabangon na si Mama, she's to everyone na she can stand up alone and earn without depending kay Papa. She's an independent woman, and I'll be strong for her too." 

"Proud kami sa'yo, Hanapots." 

Maya-maya pa ay nagsidatingan na ang iba nilang kaklase. Lumapit sa kanila ang isa sa mga ka-major nila na si Janette, "Hello, girls!" 

Hana and her friends awkwardly smiled at her. Hindi naman sa hindi nila kasundo ang babae kaso, mahirap ito pakisamahan minsan. _Medyo tsismosa kasi_. 

"Wala ka atang kape ngayong dala, Hana Miracle? Di nag-supply si Pres?" 

Hana froze with her question. Hindi naman nang-iinis o nangtutudya ang paraan ng pagtanong ng kaklase, it was plainly curious but she found herself unable to answer. 

"Ahh, ano. —" 

"Busy si Pres, Janette ghorl. Alam mo naman yon. Busy bee. Walang time bumili ng kape recently. Hehe." Bea awkwardly answers in her behalf. 

"Eh? Dati naman nagpapadala yun, ah. Hindi naman sya biglang tumigil sa panliligaw sa'yo no? No more coffees?" Janette even dramatically gasped as she looked at Hana na parang nakakagulat na wala ang daily supply ng kape ang dalaga. 

"Janette —" saway ni Kath but Hana spoke as well. 

"H-hindi naman nanliligaw si Sehun e." Mas lalo namang naguluhan ang kaklase nila and Hana chose to divert her eyes elsewhere. Kinakabahan sya sa mga reaksyon nito. Ayaw nya naman magsinungaling, kaya sinabi nya ang totoo kahit alam nyang mamaya magiging sentro na naman sya ng tsismis sa block nila. She wouldn't put Sehun in a situation he didn't know about. 

"Sa lagay na yon? Hindi? Grabe. Seryoso ba?" sunod-sunod nitong tanong at hinila pa talaga ng isang upuan para makaupo sa tabi nya. Halatang interesadong-interesado sa kwento nya. 

"Ah oo. W-wala na naman syang sinasabi." Hana answers at napatingin sa mga kaibigan nya. 

"Hala. Baka na-ghost ka na Hana —" 

Napatingin naman sila dito. "Anong na-ghost ang sinasabi mo jan, Janette. Nasa iisang building lang tayo ng Bio Majors, uy. Saka, hindi naman ganun si Pres, diba Hana?" Jedah defends. 

Bago pa man makasagot si Hana ay nagsalita ulit si Janette. "Naku, the good ones are always the last person we least expect to make things like ghosting you. But trust me. Mas malala kapag mga ganyan. Ingat-ingat ka, Hana Miracle. Namulto ka na ata.By the person who wasn't clear, but made you feel."

"Hindi na-ghost si Hana. Sehun won't do that to her. Saka kahit naman wala silang kahit ano, halata kung anong meron sa kanila." Katherine says pero tinaasan lamang sya ng kilay ni Janette at muling tinuon ang tingin sa kanya. 

"Then, is he calling you and texting you, as frequent as before? Nakikita mo pa ba sya? Sinusundo? Yung mga good morning at good night, madalas pa ba? The coffee? The snacks? The effort? Andyan pa ba? Sabi nyo nga, wala syang sinasabi, but he makes effort. We see that. But what about now?" 

Hana swallowed nervously as she asked. Napatingin sya sa mga kaibigan and all of them are waiting for his answer. Unti-unti syang umiling. 

"Ayan na nga ba yung sinasabi ko —" 

"Busy lang si Sehun —"

"Bakit nakaka-entertain sya ng iba?" 

Natigilan silang apat sa sinabi nito. "Anong ibig mong sabihin?" Si Kath na ang nagtanong dahil Hana remained silent. Frozen in her seat. 

"It's a rumor sa council na may umaaligid kay Pres. If he has the time to entertain her, bakit hindi ka nya magawang matext? Matawagan or anything?"

Agad naman na umalma si Jedah. "Nasa council naman ako. Why didn't I hear about that rumor? Saka rumor nga e. Pwedeng hindi totoo."

"Rumors starts kapag may nakakakita. Chismosa ako, I'm aware of that, but I gossip with basis. Hindi naman ako magiging part ng publication if I don't." Janette says at alam nyang totoo ito. Janette might like the gossips as she said, pero halos hindi pa sya namali sa mga sinusulat nya sa publication about the SJU Secret Files. 

"Bakit sinasabi mo samin 'to?" Bea asks, ngumiti lang si Janette at tumingin muli sa kanya. 

"I know we're not close. Pero I don't want you to feel what I once felt, Hana Miracle. Mahirap multuhin at maiwan. Especially by a man like him. I'm observant, and you already know what I'm talking about. Why I'm saying this. The EIC, remember?" 

Tumango naman sila because they really knew what happened to the SJU gossip writer's past relationship with the former EIC. He ghosted her, left without a word. He transferred. Then isang araw, nalaman na lang nila na nabuntis nito ang bagong girlfriend. Janette remained very bitter after that. 

"My point is, may karapatan kang magtanong. If we see it, alam kong ikaw may nararamdaman. Kaya dapat may assurance. May label man kayo o wala. Lalo na kapag wala. Para alam mo if he'll stay or not. Remember my article last February?" Janette says again. 

Tumango naman sya. _"The fun and kilig of a no label relationship could only last for weeks or months but the pain, heartaches, and trust issues it can give you will last for months or even years. Kaya ayusin natin ang desisyon natin sa buhay. (Boiling Waters)"_ Janette recalls. 

"Kaya ako sa'yo, if ayaw mong mamulto, make a move. Wala naman na tayo sa nakaraan e. Make the first step kasi kung hindi, mas masakit. At least kung wala talaga pala, you'll be able to take a step back. Kasi mas mahirap na masaktan while telling yourself na wala kang karapatan." she added nonchalantly na parang hindi nya pinipiga sa realidad si Hana. 

_"Good Morning, class. Sorry I'm late…"_

"Think about it, Hana Miracle. Bye, girls."

Janette smiled and turned her back as the students sat in their respective seats. Naiwan si Hana na tulala, absorbing Janette's words. Kinabahan sya sa sinabi nito. Nasaktan. Because what she said was true. Everything she said was a possibility. Everything she said made sense. 

Pero what can she do if there are people around him? Lagi naman. It was not new and she doesn't have to worry about it. She doesn't have the right to. Kasi wala naman talagang nilinaw ang binata patungkol sa kung ano talaga sila. Pero, imposibleng wala, diba? She felt it, and it wasn't nothing. 

Pero… ang dami nya pa rin na pero. Hindi nga naman sya sigurado. 

"Hana. Wag ka makinig dun kay Janette, ha? Hindi mo sigurado if what she's saying is really true. I mean kahit most of the time oo pero —" 

"It's okay, Bea. She has a point." 

"Hana…" 

"Ms. Beatrice and Ms. Hana, do you have anything to share with the class?" hindi naman natuloy ni Bea ang sasabihin nang sitahin sila ng kanilang prof. 

"Nothing, Ma'am. We're sorry." Hana apologizes, and smiled at Bea. 

She sighed deeply as she looked upfront, thoughts in her head playing around like a vice. 

Ano na nga ba ang gagawin nya? 

**Wednesday.**

Good Morning, Stephen. :) 

_Delivered._

_6:23 am_. 

Hana stared at her phone as she waits for the tiny circle to go down to her message. Pero kanina pa nya ito nasend, it's already 7:15 at kailangan nya na bumangon. Ala-una pa naman ng hapon ang klase nya ngayon pero minabuti nya nang tumayo para matignan ang mga kapatid. 

Pagkababa nya ay ang masayang tawanan ng mga kapatid nya ang kanyang narinig. Nanonood pala ito ng cartoons sa telebisyon. Malayo man ang gap nina Hera at Harry, lagi itong magkasundo and Hana is very happy about it. 

"Magandang Umaga naman sa sainyong dalawa." bati sya sa mga kapatid. 

"Morning, Ate!" sabay na bati sa kanya ng dalawa at napangiti sya. 

"Umalis na si Mama?" 

"Opo. Maaga sila ni Tita pumunta sa tindahan kanina." sagot sa kanya ni Hera na abala pa rin sa panonood. 

"May klase ako mamayang ala-una, ha. Behave kayo kay Manang Letty." bilin ni Hana sa mga kapatid habang nagtitimpla ng Milo sa kusina. 

Pagkatapos nyang magtimpla ay umakyat uli sya para pumasok sa kanyang silid, dala ang kanyang mug. Nakasalubong nya si Manang Letty sa pangalawang palapag na dala ang mga maruruming bedsheets mula sa kwarto ng mga kapatid. 

"Magandang Umaga po, Manang Letty. Nag-almusal na po ba kayo? Kailangan nyo po ba ng tulong?" tanong nya sa ginang at kukunin sana ang basket na dala nito pero agad naman itong tumanggi. 

"Magandang Umaga din, 'nak. Ako na nito, magaan lang naman at oo nakapagkape na din ako." nakangiting sagot sa kanya ng ginang. Ngumiti naman sya at nagpatuloy na naglakad papunta sa kwarto nya. 

"Hana?" tawag nito sa kanya kaya liningon nya ito. 

"Bakit po?" 

"Malungkot ka na naman." puna nito. 

"Hindi po. Maayos lang po ako." tanggi nya. Ibinaba ng ginang ang dala nitong basket at kinuha ang mug na dala nya upang ipatong sa mesang pinaglalagyan nila ng litrato. 

"May gumugulo sa'yo. Hindi ka makapagsisinungaling kay Manang. Tungkol ba sa papa mo?" 

"Naku, hindi po. Natutunan ko na pong tanggapin yung nangyari. Mag-iisang tao na rin po." sagot nya dito. 

"Tanggap mo na ba talaga?" tanong uli nito sa kanya at tumango naman sya. "Siguro po mas nasasaktan ako sa mga kapatid ko. Unlike me, they witnessed the best version of our father. I wasn't his favorite, hindi ko nga naramdaman na kahit minsan naging proud sya sa akin. He was there… pero at the same time wala. He was always gone, aloof, kina Hera at Harry lang naman sya iba. Maybe because they were his lucky children, I was the unexpected child he got when he was so keen on making a name. Malas ako sa kanya." she chuckles bitterly. 

"Hana, wag mong sabihin iyan. Mahal ka ng iyong Papa." 

"He did a poor job showing it. Sa amin ni Mama. Although ayos lang naman, maybe that's why ako, natanggap ko agad. He always had one feet set out." she sighs. "Pero alam mo, Manang. Kaya naman namin na wala sya e. But I'm not selfish as he is. Para sa mga kapatid ko na lang sana." 

"Anak ka pa rin naman nya." Hinawakan ng ginang ang kamay nya, giving her a little bit of comfort. 

"Opo, but he always considered Hera and Harry. I'm not mad about that. Pero yung iwan din sila? Mali. Mama and I had always known he'd leave. Pero nanatiling nakahawak si Mama dahil sa mga kapatid ko, why can't he do the same?" 

Nanatiling tahimik ang ginang. Napag-usapan na nila ito dati. Hana had well accepted it. Through the years, she did. Slowly. Pero alam ng ginang na sa loob-loob ng alaga ay may hinanakit ito. Sadyang lumaki lang na napaka-maintindihin ni Hana. Her mother raised her well. 

"May iba pang bumabagabag sa'yo. Hindi lang si Papa mo. Hmm. Tungkol ba 'to sa nagpapasaya sa'yo?" 

"P-po?" 

"Anak, para kang isang bukas na libro. Kung may nakita akong lungkot sa mga mata mo sa loob ng mga taon na kilala kita, alam ko din kung kailan may saya diyan sa mga mata mo. Nakita ko din na tinitignan mo ang litrato nya. Nakita ko rin na hinahatid at sundo ka ng binatang iyon. Nobyo mo ba sya?" 

"Hindi po." 

"Manliligaw?" 

"Hindi din po." 

Bumakas ang pagkalito sa mata ng ginang at pinagkrus ang mga kamay sa kanyang dibdib. Mapapagalitan ata sya. 

"Magkaibigan?" tanong nitong muli at tumango sya. 

"Pero iniibig mo?" 

Hana nods, "Opo." yumuko sya dahil hindi nya na alam ang sasabihin. Madami na syang iniisip,and figuring out what they are is making Hana's heart hurt more that it's supposed to. Hindi tuloy sya makapag-isip ng maayos. 

Napansin naman ng ginang ang kanyang pananahimik kaya hindi na ito muling nagtanong pa. 

"Hindi ko na tatanungin kung ano ang nangyari." ngumiti ito at tinignan sya ng maigi. "Pinag-uusapan pa lamang namin ng iyong Mama kung gaano kabilis ang panahon. Dalaga ka na. Umiibig na."

Napangiti naman sya sa sinabi nito. "Anak, pakatandaan mo lang, wag mong hayaan na maklimutan mo ang sarili mo sa takot mong mawala sa isang tao. Kasi baka gumising ka, ikaw na yung nawawala."

Hana picked up her phone and she sees her message to Sehun still delivered. She took a sip form her mug but quickly put it down dahil malamig na ang kanyang tinimplang Milo. Napailing na lamang sya habang muling tinignan ang chat nya sa binata. 

Sana hindi kasing lamig ng inumin nya ang tadhana nila. 

**1pm.**

It turns out na may biglang lakad ang prof nilang dapat magbibigay pointers for them sa nalalapit na deployment. It's more or less two weeks from now kaya marami ang inaasikaso ng mga guro. By major ang mga orientation kaya hindi na umasa na makikita o makakasalubong nya si Stephen.

It disappointed her, pero anong magagawa nya. Pupuntahan nya sana ito sa office pero hindi nya naman ito naabutan. Masyado ata talagang abala ang binata. 

She went to the library to pass her time at para na rin maghintay kung sakaling maisipan ni Sehun na kausapin sya ngayon. She already sent him a text, ewan nya lang kung nabasa na nito. As much as possible, hindi nya ito tinatawagan. Baka nasa kalagitnaan ito ng meeting o kung ano, at ayaw nya makaistorbo. 

Mahirap talaga kapag hindi mo alam kung okay lang ba o hindi. Hindi nya naman 'to nararamdaman dati, what made the difference now? Nagsimula na naman na umikot sa isipan nya ang mga sinabi ni Janette. 

Aaminin nya, kinabahan sya sa mga payo nito. 

As she stared at her laptop, where a document named "Stephen" was opened, unti-unti nyang nilunod ang sarili sa pag-iisip ng bawat paano at ano. 

Paano kung totoo? Paano kung totoong bigla na lang mawawala si Sehun na parang wala silang pinagsamahan sa loob ng halos dalawang taon?

Ano ang gagawin nya kung lahat ng pinakita nya ay walang kahulugan?

Paano kung Sehun was just like that pero walang intensyon? Walang malisya? Paano kung mali sila? 

Paano kung ang lahat ilusyon nya lamang? 

Paano kung —

"Sabi ko na nga ba at andito ka e. Bea and Jedah didn't know where to find you."

Naputol ang kanyang pag-iisip ng dumating si Kath and Hana breaths. Hindi nya nga napansin na she was holding her breath, her chest tight with all those thoughts running in her head. 

"T-teka, Han. Bakit ka umiiyak?" 

Agad naman syang napahawak sa kanyang pisngi at doon nya lang napansin na basa na pala ito. Tumabi sa kanya ang kaibigan at nakita ang nakabukas na document sa laptop nya. Katherine smiled understandingly at yinakap ang kaibigan. 

"Iniisip mo na naman, ano?" puna ni Kath at tinapik-tapik ang likod nya. Hana was already sniffling and napatawa sya dahil hindi nya alam kung bakit nagsisimula na syang umiyak. Kath only held her tighter. 

"Janette rattled you with her words didn't she? Ngayon lang kita nakitang umiyak dahil sa kanya. Kailangan na ba namin sya sugurin?" mabilis naman syang umiling. Hindi responsable si Sehun sa mga iniisip nya. 

"Naiintindihan ko ang nararamdaman mo. And I hate how Janette was so right about everything she said yesterday. But I'll hate it more if Sehun turns out to be the person she is talking about."

"Alam konh hindi sya ganun. Sehun had always been honest. N-natatakot ako na baka ako lang naman tong nag-iisip ng kung ano tapos hindi naman pala kami pareho ng nararamdaman. Baka ako lang naman 'tong umaasa."

Oo, umaasa sya. Mahirap kasi talaga ang magpigil ng nararamdaman para sa isang Sehun Stephen Oh. 

"Alam mong si Sehun lang ang makakasagot sa mga tanong mo, diba? Ano ang gusto mong mangyari?" lumayo sya sa yakap ng kaibigan at ngumiti ito sa kanya. Kath will alwasy be that friend na para mong nanay. Maalaga kasi ito at maintindihin. 

"We're graduating soon, Kath. Hindi nga natin alam kung among mangyayari after. Wala nang kasiguraduhan if magkikita ulit. Gusto kong malaman kung anong meron kami, kung meron nga ba talaga. Kung hindi lang ako yung nakaramdam sa mga pagkakataon na magkasama kami. Mahal na mahal ko na sya, Kath e. He made me love him so much to the point na ayoko na sya mawala. Natatakot ako kasi si Sehun yan e. Ayoko. Ayokong mawala sya. I'm afraid I'll feel the same pain I've felt when Papa left." Hana says quietly. 

"Then maybe, it's finally time to tell him how you feel. Sabi mo nga gagraduate na tayo. Panahon na siguro. Tama na ang laro nyo. I hate to say this but, as Janette said, para alam mo if you need to step back or move forward."

Palabas na sya ng gate ng makita nya si Kristoffer, isa ito sa mga kaibigan ni Sehun, at naglakas na ng loob si Hana na lapitan ito. Napansin nya na nakatingin ito sa may field kung saan naroon ang kaibigan na si Kath at mga orgmates nito. Kadalasan kasi ay gusto ng mga ito na mag-pulong na lang sa labas para hindi masyadong pormal. Nagpaalam nga ito sa kanya kanina na mya meeting ito kaya umuna na sya pauwi. 

Nang makarating sya sa pwesto ni Kristoffer ay nakita nyang nagsasalita ang kaibigan sa harap ng mga orgmates nito. Muli nyang tinignan si Toff na nasa tabi nya na at napansin nyang nakatitig at nakangiti ito sa direksyon ng kaibigan. He had that dreamy look on his face and Hana smiled when she understood why. 

"Matunaw ang kaibigan ko, Kristoffer."

Tila nataranta naman ito pero agad na kinalma ang sarili. Nahihiyang ngumiti ito sa kanya at umiwas ng tingin. 

"Wag kang mag-alala, hindi ko sasabihin." 

"S-salamat. Hehe. Pauwi ka na din ba?" 

"Ah, oo. Um, si Sehun ba nakauwi na?" tanong nya dito at pansin nyang natigilan ito. 

"Ah, hindi ko alam e. H-hindi ko na din kasi nakikita yun m-masyado." utal na sagot nito. Isinantabi lang ito ni Hana dahil ang baka nahihiya pa ito na nalaman nyang may pagtingin ito sa kaibigan nya. 

"Pareho pala tayo. K-kung makita mo sya. Paki-kumusta din ako. Nag-aalala na din ako sa kanya. Baka pinapabayaan na naman niyon ang sarili nya e." 

Sa kabila ng lahat ng iniisip ni Hana, mas gugustuhin nya pa rin na malaman ang kalagayan nito above all. Napansin din ata nito ang reaskyon nya dahil lumambot ang ekspresyon nito saka ngumiti sa kanya. 

"Sige. Makakaasa ka." 

"Salamat, Toff. 

**Thursday**

_**Toff** _

_Brad. Mina is pestering me again kung asan ka._

_Napipikon na 'ko._

_Si Hana. She's worried about you._

_Iniiwasan mo ba yung tao?_

_Alam kong alam mo ang ginagawa mo._

_Pero wag mo sarilinin yan._

_There's no such thing as a perfect plan._

_Or the easiest way._

_Andito lang kami, pre._

_**Mina Choi**_

_Se? Where are you?_

_Kita uli tayo? ☺️_

_**Mr. Choi** _

_Mina's looking for you_. 

**_My Miracle 🧡_ **

_Hey, Stephen. Good Morning. :)_

_Um. Nakita ko si Toff kahapon._

_Sabi nya you've been very busy._

_Wag mo pabayaan ang sarili mo, ha._

_Baka magkasakit ka._

_Text mo ako kung kailan ka free, andito_

_lang ako whenever you need help._

_I know na graduating na tayo._

_But I hope you find the time to rest, too._

_Oki? Haha_

_See you when I see you._

_I miss you._

_I miss you, too. So bad |_

Kahit nangangati na syang i-send ito kay Hana ay hindi nya ginawa. Ngayon nya lang uli nabuksan ang cellphone nya dahil naririndi na sya sa tawag at text ni Mina. It was a sacrifice, dahil pati text at tawag ni Hana ay hindi nya masasagot. But Sehun knew Hana. He knows she would understand. 

He was just waiting for the right time for him to explain everything. 

But Sehun was thorned.

Hindi nya lubos inasahan na sa loob ng isang iglap, all his plans will be put into a stop. One thing about Sehun Stephen Oh is he is a perfectionist. He's life is planned and he wants everything to be in its perfect time.

Si Hana lang ang tanging wala sa plano nya. But she was the most imperfect plan he'll be letting to rule his life. Because he knew, Hana Miracle Lu was his choice, not just his plan, but his choice. 

But this? _Not this_. 

It's the kind of thing he had to do because he have to. His choices were there but he needed to pick the one that will make everything fall into place. The easier choice he knew. But sometimes the easiest choice can be the hardest choice to deal with. 

He was given a responsibility to keep a person sane. To treat her right because she might do something her parents were afraid of. Mina needed him. 

He understood, he cared for her too. At some point, he adored her. But things changed, especially his feelings at hindi nya inakalang may mga bagay syang kailangan bitawan ng panandalian dahil kailangan sya nito. 

But he misses Hana. Alam nyang nagtataka na ang dalaga kubg bakit hindi na sya madalas nakakausap. Totoo ang naman ang sinabi ni Toff, he had been busy but aside from that, Mina had been keeping him company at hindi sya basta-basta maka-hindi. 

Ayaw nya naman na kung ano ang isipin ni Hana, and he doesn't want Mina to find out about Hana yet. Baka kung anong gawin nito. 

She's… _impulsive and reckless._

He's doing it for both of them, at least that what he thinks. 

Konting panahon lang naman e. It will all come back into place. Mapapangalagaan nya ang pangalan ng ina, he'll save the scholarships, and get back to Hana. All he have to do is to follow the deal. 

_Wait for me, Miracle. I'll be with you soon._

_**Mina** _

_Sehun? Where are you? :(_

_I'm outside the CSC room._

He sighed. 

_I'm coming_. 

**Friday**

_Good Morning, Stephen. :)_

The notification made Hana jolt in surprise. He replied, at umunat ang mga ngiti sa labi nya. 

_**Stephen 🧡** _

_Good Morning din, Hana._

_Sorry for the late messages._

_Busy._

_See you when I see you._

_I'll make it up to you next time._

👋👋

Somehow their conversations turned different, but she'll take it. He replied, and she was already happy no matter how short-lived it was. 

Hindi man ito katulad ng dati pero pinilit nyang maintindihan. He said he was busy, keeping himself busy. Maybe because of the pressure as well. Sehun's mom was the former President of SJU, so he needs to set an example. Lagi yun isa sa mga expectations sa binata. Sehun was never a sharer of his struggles. Sabi nito, he doesn't want to burden anyone with his loads because he knows people also have their own. Hana admired him so much for that. 

She noticed that Sehun didn't say he's fine kaya nakaisip sya ng plano para makumusta ito at makausap. She smiled. 

She'll cook a meal for them to share at lunch today since meron pa naman syang oras. Susorpresahin nya ito. Hana knows that Sehun hates take-outs pero madalas ay wala itong choice dahil na rin sa kabusyhan. 

"Siguradong matutuwa yun kapag makakain na ulit sya ng home-made food." nakangiting sabi ni Hana sa sarili at agad nang nagsulat sa kanyang notes ng mga bibilhan nya. Napagpasyahan nyang next week na lang sya bibili ng mga karagdangang gamit nya for Practice Teaching. Konti na lang naman iyon. Isasabay nya na lang din pagbili ng bagong binder para sa kanyang mga tulang isinusulat. She'll have to put them there. Hana smiled with the thought of her binder full of poems and proses. 

"Sana balang araw, maibigay ko na sa'yo ang lahat ng yun, Stephen." bulong ni Hana sa sarili, nakangiti ng pagkatamis-tamis dahil sa isang tao. After days of not being in touch, she got a response at susulitin nya yon. 

**9:30 am**

_**My Miracle 🧡** _

_Hi, Stephen. :)_

_I know you're busy but can_

_we meet later at lunch sa lib?_

_11:30 sounds good ba?_

_Sa dating pwesto._

_I already told Ate Marie :D_

_Okay, I'll be there. :)_

Sehun smiled at Hana's text. Namiss nya ito. He feels like it's already been so long mula nung nagkita sila sa library and he won't miss this. 

He was smiling from ear to ear dahil, finally he'll get to breath. Walang pasok si Mina, and walang meetings. He could see Hana for today. Don't get him wrong, he's not hiding. He's just cautious. Moving according to his plans. 

_**VP — JM Kim** _

_Pres, may meeting daw po tayo_

_mamayang 10. Baka po it will take_

_an hour or two._

_Sa SHS building daw po._

Just great. He spoke too soon. Pero may oras pa naman. He can make it sa library in time. 

He nods, "All according to plan."

However, that plan didn't went well. He was so excited on meeting Hana, na halos gusto nya nang I-dismiss ang meeting sa kalagitnaan nito. Ince it was done kumaripas sya ng takbo. Pero saktong paglabas nya sa SHS building ay nakatanggap syang text kay Mina na nasa CSC room ito at naghihintay sa kanya and a following text from Mr. Choi.

His mood instantly went down. Napapikit sya sa inis. _Why now?_ It's already 12:39 at hindi nya alam kung saan sya pupunta. He checked his unread messages at kanina pa pala may text sa kanya si Hana. _Shit._

Kanina pa palang 11 nasa lib si Hana. 

_**My Miracle 🧡** _

_Stephen?_

_Pupunta ka pa ba?_

_Lalamig na kasi 'tong pagkain mo._

_I promised that I'll cook for you, right?_

_Sana magustuhan mo. :)_

_May klase akong 1pm,Se._

_Baka hindi na kita masabayan._

_Sorry, Stephen. :(_

_Iniwan ko na lang kay_

_Ate Marie yung lunchbox mo, ha._

_Don't forget to eat!_

Fuck. He made Hana wait.

He needs to be selfish now. 

Agad nyang tinakbo ang hallway papuntang library, not minding na gutom na gutom na sya. When he arrived, agad nyang hinanap ang librarian na si Ate Marie. Wala na ngang katao-tao sa lib dahil simula na naman ng klase, and his heart painfully twisted in his chest. 

Hingal na hingal nyang linapitan ito. Ngumiti ito sa kanya at inabot ang lunchbox na dala ni Hana. 

"Hindi nakakakain si Hana kakahintay sa'yo." mas lalonh bumigat ang pakiramdam ni Sehun at napamura. 

"Ikaw, ha. Wag mong saktang ang batang yon. She adores too much. Sabihin ko daw na sorry kasi hindi ka nya nahintay pero diba dapat ikaw?" sabi nito at napayuko sya. Ate Marie was right. He should be the one apologizing. 

"Hihingi po ako ng sorry sa kanya." he says. 

"Dapat lang. You shouldn't make a lady wait and starve." 

Sa narinig ay napagdesisyunan nyang puntahan ang dalaga sa room nito. Alam nya naman na may majorship sila ngayon and if he has to use the CSC President card para ma-excuse ang dalaga, he would do it. He wants to see her today. Badly. 

Pero wala atang sumasang-ayon sa plano nya ngayon. Dahil pagkalabas nya ng library ay nakasalubong nya si Toff, tila may hinahanap. 

"Toff!" 

"Tangina, pare. Andyan ka lang pala." sabi nito at mukha ding masama ang mood. 

"Bakit?" his friend scoffed and gave him a pat on the back. "Mr. Choi is looking for you."

"Pinatawag nyo daw ho ako." Sehun says, emotionless. Napipikon pa rin sya kaha pilit nyang kinontrol ang sarili. 

The President, Mr. Choi, smiled at him and motioned him to sit, oblivious of the growing rage inside him. 

"May klase pa ho ako, Sir. I would appreciate it po if mabilisan lang po 'to." he reasons. 

"Okay. I'll get to the point then. I asked for a favor. As a father, Mr. Oh. Ayokong gawin' to. But naaawa ako sa anak ko. Kahit kabaliwan 'to, gagawin ko to para sa kanya. She wanted to live because she of you. Naging mahalaga pa rin naman sya sa'yo diba? You even asked for hee hand before. Alam kong marami nang nagbago ngayon. But please don't decline her. In any of her wishes. We had a deal, and you might hate me for it but I have my reasons. Sana tumupad ka at tutuparin ko rin ang mga pangako ko sa'yo. I won't tarnish your mother's name and I won't take away the students' scholarship that was promised by your mom. Just choose my daughter. "

Sehun clenched his fist. But he nods. _Wala naman syang choice._

"Mina still wants to have lunch with you. Hinihintay ka na nya. You may go."

Sehun went out without a word nor a bow to show respect. 

**_Mina Choi calling…_**

"Yes?" 

_"Se, nandito pa ako sa CSC room. Kain na tayo. I'm hungry."_

Napatingin si Sehun sa lunch box na hawak nya. It was from Hana at pinigilan nya ang sarili na wag makapagsalita ng masama. 

He sighs. "I'm coming." 

Hana sighs as he plops down on her bed. Akala nya ay makikita at makakausap nya ang binata. She overheard sa isang representative na pumuta sa library na may meeting ang CSC officers. Mali ata ang aya nya pero Sehun agreed, kaya naghintay pa rin sya. She came early than planned pero walang Sehun na dumating. Kahit text wala. Siguro ay naabutan na ito ng tanghali sa meeting. 

Hana just hopes na nakakain ng lunch ang binata. Naiintindihan nya naman kubg bakit hindi ito nakapunta pero she still can't help being disappointed. 

"Hay, Hana. Itulog mo na lang yan." 

She was about to close her eyes when her phone chimed for a new message. It was already past 9 kaya nagtaka sya kung sino ito. 

_Maybe Sehun?_

She smiled at agad nyang kinuha ang cellphone sa bedside table nya. Her smile fell when she read the message. 

_**BS Bio - CY Park**_

_Hi, Hana. Hehe_

_Alam kong gabi na and baka_

_nakakaistorbo ako pero hinahanap_

_ka ni Sehun._

_He's drunk at ang ingay nya na dito_

_sa may tindahan dito sa kanto._

_Bigla na lang syang nagyaya kaninang_

_uwian e._

_He's not standing up T_T_

_Help._

Napatayo naman sya agad at sinuot ang jacket nya. Alam nya ang tindahan na tinutukoy ni Chase. Hindi na sya nagpalit ng pajamas nya at dire-diretsong bumaba. Mabuti na lang at maagang natutulog ang mga kasama nya sa bahay kaya walang nagtanong kung saan sya pupunta. 

Agad nyang narating ang tindahan at tinanguan naman sya ng may-ari. Kilala naman sya dito dahil madalas syang pumunta at bumili ng kung ano dito. 

Nakita nya sa gilid ang binatang na naka-uniporme pa at nakadausdos ang mukha sa lamesa kaharap ng tindahan. May mga bote ng gin at chichirya sa mesa at dali-dali nyang pinuntahan si Sehun na amoy na amoy ang alak sa damit. 

"Stephen?" _Bakit ba ito nagpakalasing._

"Pumunta saglit sa botika yung kasama niyan oara bumili ng mineral water. Wala kasi kami ditong tinda. Kailangan nyan na mahimasmasan. Mga bata talaga ngayon." ang sabi ng may-ari. 

Inalalayan nya naman ang binata na maka-angat para hindi ito mangalay at sinandal ang ulo nito sa kanyang balikat. 

"Kanina pa nyan sinasabi ang pangalan mo. Aba'y magbati na kayo. Bilisan nyo riyan para makapagsara na din ako." masungit na sabi nito at pumasok na sa loob. 

"Bakit ka naman kasi nagpakalasing e." Hinaplos-haplos nya pa ang buhok nito. Tinignan nya ang mukha nito at napangiti sya. 

"Ang gwapo mo pa rin kahit lasing." bulong nya at hinawakan nya ang pisngi nito. 

Tila naalimpungatan naman ito sa lamig ng kamay nya kaya mabilis nya itong inalis. 

"Sehun?" 

Unti-unting dumilat ito at ngumiti ng makita sya. 

"H-Hana Miracle?" 

"Ako nga." 

Ngumiti naman ito at yumakap bigla sa kanya. Nagulat man ay hindi naiwasan ni Hana ang pamulahan ng mukha sa ginawa ng binata. "Namiss kita." 

Kumabog ng malakas ang puso ni Hana nang marinig ang katagang iyon mula sa binata. 

"Miss na miss na din kita." 

"Hana?" tawag nitong muli sa kanya at tinignan ang binata na ngayon ay nakaupo na ng maayos at nakatitig na sa kanyang mga mata. 

"Ikaw lang." Unti-unting lumalapit ang mukha ng binata sa kanya and she didn't move an inch when their foreheads met. He stared at her lovingly and Hana felt like melting. "Maniwala ka na laging ikaw lang." 

As their lips meet, she closed her eyes and savored the feeling he gave. 

Is this it? The assurance she needed? Maybe. She'd like to think that it is. It was her first kiss, and she gave it to Sehun. Unlike the unexpected first kisses in movies, Hana didn't feel disappointed that it happened in front of sari-sari store. All of her doubts washed away in that kiss. 

_It was enough._

A sa pagbagsak muli ng ulo ng binata sa kanyang balikat, alam ni Hana na wala na syang kawala sa nararamdaman nya para kay Sehun. 

She smiled and hugged him close, her cheeks bright with color. 

Hindi nya napansin si Chase na natigilan at nakanganga sa gilid, unbelieving of what he just witnessed. 

or maybe Hana did, but she was so elated to care. 

She's finally sure. Sehun Stephen Oh is the one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you notice something at the end of Chapters 9 & 10? Hehe. Tell me your thoughts and let's talk on Twitter @itsrealnovem 🧡
> 
> Good Evening.


	11. Downfalls — Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tissue? Hehe 🧻

_**@hanahimala** posted a tweet_

**"You were the most beautiful yet also the most shattering feeling I've ever felt."**

Maagang nagising si Hana — feeling all giddy and happy. It's odd that she can still feel the butterflies even hours had already passed since last night. He left a lingering feeling, — and she knows it won't go away anytime soon. Or ever. Para na syang baliw na pangiti-ngiti, umagang-umaga. 

She's still on the comfort of her bed, looking at the ceiling with a stupid grin on her face. 

The tip of her fingers graced her lips, remembering the softness she felt against it. 

_Her first kiss._

_Given to her first love._

Parang gusto nya na lang tumili nang tumili para mailabas ang kilig. 

It took a lot of time for Hana para bumangon mula sa pagkakahiga at simulang ang kanyang araw. Too caught up in a daydream — of the possinilities that might happen. Hindi mo naman sya masisisi. 

Wala siyang pasok ngayon pero napagdesisyunan nyang puntahan si Sehun para makamusta at makausap na din. Sigurado si Hana na may hang-over ang binata dahil sa dami ng nainom nito. Kaya nang maalala nyang may duty at isang major class ito ngayon ay naisipan nya itong puntahan. 

Pagkatapos nya maligo at magbihis, agad syang bumaba at nagpaalam na aalis. There were skips in her steps at nagtatakang nagkatinginan ang kanyang ina at si Manang Letty. 

She seems…. _happy._

Bago tumuloy sa University ay dumaan muna sya sa isang grocery store malapit sa SJU para bumili ng gamot at gatorade para sa hang-over. Sana naman ay hindi masyadong tiisin ni Sehun ang sakit ng ulo sa maghapon at magpahinga kung kinakailangan. Sasamahan nya na lang ito pauwi. 

Hindi naman masama kung sya naman ang maghahatid, diba? 

Nakangiti syang pumasok sa SJU at agad na umakyat sa pagkataas-taas hagdan para makapunta sa CSC na nasa ika-apat palapag. Saktong mag-a-alas nuebe pa lang ng umaga at nasa opisina na si Sehun sa ganitong oras. Nakasiguro sya lalo nang matanaw nya na nakabukas ang pinto ng CSC room at kahit hiningal sya sa pagmamadali, ay napangiti sya habang naglalakad papalapit dito. 

Pero maya't maya ay bigla syang kinabahan. Isang malakas na kabog na parang mahuhulog ang kanyang puso. 

"Kalma, Han. Malilinawan na din kung ano ang meron kayo. Kalma. Happy Start mo dapat 'to."

She breathed heavily at muling ibinalik ang mga ngiti sa kanyang labi. 

Malapit na sya sa nakabukas pintuan ng CSC room ng marinig nya ang tawa ng isang dalaga. Napatigil sya.

May iba atang kasama si Sehun ngayon o baka ibang officer ang nasa loob. Pero ang sabi ni Jedah sa kanya ay si Sehun ang naka-duty tuwing Sabado. 

"Hayy naku, Sehun." Nasa loob nga ang binata. 

_Pero sino yung nagsalita? Sino ang kasama nya?_

"Hindi ko lubos akalain na maglalasing ka ng walang dahilan. It's so unlike you, Se." rinig nya mula sa loob. 

_Se?_

Dahan-dahan syang lumapit sa pinto at sumilip sa loob. Nakita nya si Sehun na nakapangalumbaba sa mesa at hinihilot ang ulo. Nasa harapan nya ang isang babae na maikli ang buhok, nakahawak ang kamay sa ulo ng binata. Hindi nya makita ang mukha nito dahil nakatalikod ito sa kinatatayuan nya. Parang nanlalamig na ang mga kamay nya. 

"Dinalhan kita ng energy drink at gamot. Nung tinext mo ako na masakit ulo mo dahil uminom ka kagabi, I prepared these for you." pinakita ng dalaga ang lunchbox na dala nya kay Sehun at napatingin sya sa plastic na dala nya. "Sa susunod wag ka ng magpakalasing, ha."

"Salamat, Mina. Sorry for worrying you." sagot ni Sehun at parang nabingi si Hana. 

_Si Mina._

Bakit ngayon nya lang napagtanto kung bakit pamilyar ang pangalan ng dalaga na usap-usapan kamakailan? _Si Mina_. Ang dating nililigawan ni Sehun. 

Sya din ba ang sinasabi ni Janette na umaaligid sa CSC President? _Si Mina ba?_

Hindi nya namalayan na nabitawan nya na ang plastic na dala at gumawa ng ingay ang bote ng gatorade na tumama sa sahig. 

Napatingin sya sa dalawa na ngayon ay nakatuon na ang atensyon sa kanya — ang isa ay gulat, ang isa'y nagtataka. 

Napatingin sya sa maamong mukha ng babaeng kausap ni Sehun. Ngayon lang nakitang muli ni Hana ang dalaga at parang may kung anong inggit ang naramdaman nya. Maganda pa rin ito at sopistikada. _Malayong-malayo sa kanya._

"A-anong g-ginagawa mo dito?" Sehun asked and Hana couldn't answer. Parang napilipit ang dila nya. Pero sa loob-loob nya, bawal ba? Sehun was like a deer caught in headlights at mas lalo atang namutla ang mukha nito. 

"Miss?" tawag sa kanya ni Mina at saka lang sya nakapagsalita. 

"A-hm. Si C-chase kasi. Pinapadala 'to kay Ste—Sehun. Nag-naglasing d-daw kasi kahapon." utal nya. Hindi maintindihan ni Hana kung bakit parang kinakapos sya ng hininga ng alalayan ni Mina si Sehun na makaupo. Her hand lingered on his arm at parang may ipinapahiwatig ito. 

"Ah, see. May dala na ako e. Pero thank you. Pakisabi na lang din kay Chase." ngumiti ito sa kanya at wala na syang nagawa kundi ngumiti pabalik. 

"Eto kasing si Sehun e. Ewan ko ba kung bakit naglasing. What happened ba? Hindi nga sinabi sa akin na iinom pala sya. Hindi ko nga din alam kung paano nakauwi 'to ng maayos. Ngayon lang hindi nagtext e." 

Hana' s breath hitched, at halatang natigilan si Sehun. _He doesn't reply to my messages pero —_

Hana diverted her eyes to Sehun na hindi sa kanya nakatingin. Iba ang inaasahan nyang reaksyon nito sa pagkikita nila. Pero iba ang nakita't nakaharap nya. 

"W-wala kang ma-maalala?" lakas loob nyang tanong sa binata at nilingon sya ni Mina na nasa tabi pa rin ni Sehun.

Napatingin sa kanya ang binata at may kung ano sa mga mata nya ang nakikita ni Hana. It felt like his eyes were saying an apology. 

_Bakit?_

"Wala e. W-wala akong maalala." 

All the butterflies seemed to die, and the lingering feeling came to an end. He can't remember. He doesn't remember what he did. He didn't remember the kiss — only Hana did. 

Natural naman iyon sa lasing, diba? Hana convinced herseld — na kapag sobrang nagpakalasing ka, kinabukasan we tend to not remember anything. 

_But why does hearing it from Sehun himself felt so shattering?_

_**@hanahimala** posted a tweet_

**"There are many magical things about you.**

**But there wouldn't be something as fascinating as your eyes. They're deep.**

**They never lie.**

**And I hope I made the right choice believing that it never did."**

**9:15 pm**

The week passed like a blur at kinabukasan, the seniors of SJU will finally be deployed to their respective on-the-job training locations. In Hana's case, Practice Teaching sa kanyang Alma Mater. 

She was excited, dati ay estudyante lang sya sa MNHS at ngayon ay babalik sya bilang isang Pre-Service Teacher. Ang saya diba? 

Pero Hana can't seem to be completely happy. Hindi nya kasi kasama ang mga kaibigan dahil na-deploy ito sa iba't ibang paaralan. Another thing was, hindi nya din kasama si Sehun at ang ikinakasama pa ng loob nya ay kasama nito si Mina. Alam nya naman na hindi dapat sya magselos, wala syang karapatan — pero iyon ang nararamdaman nya. 

_It's petty_ , she knows. Kaya hindi nya rin masabi sa mga kaibigan ang nangyari. Why would she drag anyone in her own dramas and issues, diba? Saka hindi dapat ito ang iniisip nya. 

What she doesn't know is the more she supress that negative feeling in her chest, it grows more vicious — more painful. 

Makatapos nyang ayusin lahat ng gamit na kailangan nya dalhin kinabukasan, she opened her laptop and stared at the bold letters written in the supposed cover page — 

_**Epeolatry: To Stephen** _

Epeolatry means "the love for words", and she had written every single thing it contains for Stephen. The things she couldn't say… yet.

_(Remember the Pinned Tweet in Hana's Twitter account? This was it.)_

Last Saturday, after Sehun said that he didn't remember anything — she just nodded and immediately bid her goodbye. Agad syang lumabas mula sa CSC room dahil pakiramdam nya malapit na syang umiyak. 

"Ang babaw mo, Hana."

Hawak nya pa rin ang plastic ng gatorade at ng gamot na binili nya.

Hana heavily breathes as she went down the stairs — hindi dapat sya umiyak. Ang daming tanong sa isipan nya pero ayaw nya lunurin ang sarili sa mga ideyang alam nyang lalasunin lang ang isipan nya. She tends to overthink things severely. 

"It's normal," she whispers to herself. "It's okay." 

Pinilit nyang intindihin na yung mahiwagang pagkakataon na iyon ay siya lamang ang makaka-alala. 

Naiintindihan nya. Because what other choice does she have? 

**_Stephen 🧡_ **

_Did you go home safe?_

When she got home, she received a text from Sehun. Tinitigan nya lang ang mensahe nito at hindi na nag-abalang mag-reply. In her mind, maybe it's a little taste of what he made her feel the past few days he wasn't replying. He'll make him wait, too. 

But it backfired — she found herself waiting for another text, another message that would make her waver like she always do, pero wala. Wala nang kasunod ang text na iyon and Hana swallowed all the disappointments she got that day. 

Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin sila nag-uusap,ni text o tawag — wala. Maybe because they were both waiting for the other to make a move and ended up just waiting. 

Day by day, her fear of losing him intensifies. Hindi naman sya manhid. Alam nyang may nagbago. But she remembered the kiss, it felt right. 

His eyes — she knew, it spoke volumes for her to hear. 

And she will not back down because of jealousy, no. She knew they had something, and it was special. She would let him know — she would try. For him, because she knew Sehun, he would never lie. 

So right then and there, she decided to make a move. 

_She pressed print_. 

After almost two weeks of deployment, naramdaman na agad ni Hana ang matinding pagod. Hindi nakatulong na lima ang loads nya kada-araw pero sobrang fulfilling sa pakiramdam. Hana gets joy when her students call her "Ma'am". It gives her the thought that she had done something right. 

"Ma'am Hana," tawag sa kanya ng isang nyang co-ST, "ngayon yung meeting nyo sa kasama si Dean, diba?" tanong nito habang tinutulungan sya nitong magligpit ng kanilang mesa. 

"Oo. Ipapasa ko din yung weekly attendance natin." siya ang naatasan na maging Team Leader sa kanilang batch at malugod nya itong tinanggap kahit extra task ito. 

"Pwede maghingi ng favor?" 

"Oo naman. Ano yun?" 

"Pwede ba magpasuyo na bumili ng ticket kay Pres? Na sakanya daw kasi yung para sa mga plus one e. Nalate kasi ako, tapos hindi na ako nakakakuha ng para sa guest. Isasama ko sana yung boyfriend ko sa ball e. Baka magkaubusan? Pagbibigyan ka naman ni Pres. Friends kayo, diba?"

"Ah sige. Dadalo din naman siguro iyon dahil TL sya ng batch nila."

After her co-ST gave her the fee for the ticket and bid her goodbye, saka lang nag-sink in sa kanya na kay Sehun nga pala sya bibili ng ticket. Si Sehun na hindi nya pa nakakausap ng maayos. Dahil na rin siguro sa ka-busyhan ay hindi na din nya masyadong napapansin kung nagti-text pa ba ito o hindi. Truthfully, she's just avoiding being disappointed. 

Don't get her wrong — masaya sya sa mga simpleng messages nito, sa maiikli at paisa-isang text dahil kahit papaano ay naaalala sya nito. Once or none a day, that's fine. Basta kahit papaano — meron. Pero that's the problem — his inconsistencies, it makes her overthink, and she's not supposed to do that. 

While she made her way to SJU, she suddenly felt how heavy the binder she was carrying. 

Hana arrived at their University, 15 minutes before their meeting start with the Dean. Hindi nya napigilan ang sarili na ilibot ang mga mata sa silid, looking for certain person she had always wanted to see. 

"Unfortunately, he hasn't arrived yet." nang lumingon sya sa tabi nya ay nakita nya si Chase, with a smirk on his face and a cup of coffee in his hand. 

Her heart suddenly skipped a beat, it was the same brand of coffee Sehun would get for her. _Hindi kaya pinapabigay ito ni Se —_

Hana's hope immediately died as she watched Chase drink from the cup and utter a satisfied hum. _Ay, assumera sya dun, ah._

"Hana Miracle?" tawag nito sa kanya at agad syang uniwas ng tingin. Bigla syang nahiya. 

"Um, ano, ikaw pala TL sa inyo. Hehe." she awkwardly laughs. 

"No, si Luna." napatingin naman sya uli kay Chase sa pangalang binanggit nito. _Luna, huh?_

"Ako lang yung andito as sub kasi si TL may family gathering ngayon so she needs to go home early." Chase shrugs. "I volunteered." paliwanag pa nito when she looks at him unbelieving. Chase Ysmael never volunteers. 

"Okay." she smiled. 

"Hindi mo man lang ba hahanapin si Se —" Hindi na ni Chase natuloy ang sasabihin nang may nagsalita sa may likuran nila. 

"Ako muna yung a-attend for Pres. He's um, talking to someone. Important daw." napatingin sila sa bagong dating at isa ito sa mga co-ST ni Sehun. 

"Oh, Reyes. Para kang kabute. Nagulat ako sa'yo." biro ni Chase. "Sino yung kausap ni Sehun at ikaw a-attend? That's so unlike him." 

However, they did get a reply from Reyes, only an awkward shrug and smile. Pati tuloy sya ay nagtaka. Pero she thought na baka ang ina ang kausap ng binata or any relative. Kasi importante daw, diba? Baka may emergency. _Right?_

Napatingin naman sa kanya si Chase and alam nyang kitang-kita sa mukha nya ang pagkadismaya. 

She tried not to be sad about it, trust me, she did. Pero hindi nya napigilan. Akala nya kasi makikita nya na ang binata ngayon, she was wrong yet again. Kaya ayaw nya mag-expect e. Nakaka-disappoint. 

Hana stayed quiet the whole meeting, not really listening eagerly. She didn't even notice Chase pestering Reyes about Sehun and how Chase suddenly frowned when Reyes gave him the name of the person Sehun was with. 

_"Anong kagaguhan 'to, Sehun?"_ Chase uttered, but Hana was too out of it to hear what he said. 

The meeting went smoothly. Gabi na ng matapos sila and Hana had been restless. Napakiusap nya na kanina kay Reyes yung ticket at mabuti na lang at may dala ito. But that wasn't the reason why she was feeling all nervous. 

Dala nya ang binder na dapat ibibigay nya kay Sehun. Se planned that she'll give it today but sadly, wala ito ngayon. Kung hindi kasi ito makakarating sa kanya ngayon ay kailan pa? Next month pa daw uli sila magkikita because of their hectic sched and Hana knew this was her only chance. 

An idea popped into her mind at agad syang lumingon pabalik para hanapin si Chase. He's her chance na mapaabot ang binder nya sa binata. She just wants to let him have it now. 

Ilang saglit lang ay nakita na nya si Chase na nakatuon ang mga mata sa cellphone nito. 

"Chase…" tawag nya sa pangalan ng binata habang lumalapit sya dito. Inangat naman nito ang tingin at nagulat si Hana sa reaksyon ng mukha nito — pikon. 

His facial expression immediately changed, however, nang mapagtanto nito na sya ang tumawag. Napalitan ito ng isang reaksyon na masyadong pamilyar kay Hana — _awa._

Hindi na lang iyon pinansin ni Hana at hinarap ang binata. "Um, pwede ba akong humingi ng favor?" 

"Ano yun?" 

Kinuha nya ang binder sa bag at inabot ito kay Chase. "Can you give this to Sehun, please?" 

Nakita nya ang pag-igting ng panga ni Chase habang binabasa nito ang cover sa hawak nyang binder. Bigla syang inatake ng hiya at kukunin na sanang muli ang binder nang lumakad si Chase papunta sa Educ building. 

"T-teka, Chase!" tawag nya dito. 

"Dito ka lang. I'll give this to Sehun. Baka matauhan." he sternly said at tuluyang lumakad palayo. 

Nagtatakang tinignan ni Hana ang papalayong pigura ni Chase na dala-dala ang binder nya. Ibig sabihin ay andito si Sehun, but why was Chase asking her to stay if Sehun is there? Wala syang maintindihan. Pero dahil na rin siguro sa kagustuhan na makita ang binata at malaman kung nandito nga talaga ito, she followed. 

Hana saw Chase entering the BioSci room kaya tahimik nyang sinundan ito. Mabuti na lang at may mga estudyante pang natitira sa SJU dahil marami sa kanila ang may mga pang-gabi na klase kaya hindi sya napansin ni Chase na sumusunod. 

Nang makalapit si Hana sa silid ay sumilip sya mula sa labas. Naka-awang ang pinto nito kaya kitang-kita nya ang nasa loob. Hindi nya alam kung bakit sya nagtatago pero sa mga oras na iyon ay parang kailangan nya talaga. She felt the tension inside and she was sure that Chase wasn't the only one inside. 

"Ano yan?" dinig nyang tanong ng isang babae sa loob, tila kinakapos ng hininga. Sumilip syang muli at parang bumagsak ang puso nyang makita si Sehun… kasama na naman si Mina. 

Mina has that anxious look on her face, halatang nanginginig pa ang mga kamay and Sehun was looking at her attentively — like anytime she would explode. Sa galit? Hana didn't know. 

"Pinapabigay ni Han —" 

"It's nothing." Sehun cuts Chase off and Hana can't believe what she was hearing. 

"That's obviously not nothing." Mina said with spite and Hana could see her trembling. Galit ang mga mata nito as Sehun looks longingly at the binder Chase is holding. 

"I told you it's nothing. I don't know what that is and I'm not planning to take it. Calm down." Sehun says softly at parang lalong pinipiga ang puso ni Hana. If it weren't for Sehun's eyes that looks again at Chase pleadingly. But his friend wasn't having any of it. 

"Iiwan ko 'to dito." Chase put the binder on the desk near to Sehun. "Bahala ka kung ano ang gagawin mo jan."

Hindi na hinintay ni Chase na makasagot ang kaibigan at dire-diretsong lumabas sa silid. Agad na yumuko si Hana at nakisabay sa dumadaan na estudyanteng hindi nya naman kilala para hindi makita ni Chase. Nang tuluyang itong makaalis si ay bumalik si Hana sa pwesto nya at nakitang nakahawak si Sehun sa balikat ni Mina — bumababa-taas ang mga balikat nito, tila umiiyak and Sehun was comfoting her. 

"... I'll.. I'll throw it away. I won't read it. I promise. Tahan na." Sehun says to Mina, obviously pertaining about the binder base sa pagtingin-tingin nito doon. Hana was holding her breath, her heart hammering in her chest, painfully. Why was she still there? Umuwi ka na! 

But her feet didn't seem to move. 

"You sure?" rinig nyang hikbi ng dalaga. Sehun looked at the binder, his eyes sad and Hana didn't know what to believe anymore. 

"I'm.. I'm sure." he stutters and Hana gasped when Mina burried her face in his chest. She didn't hear what she was saying but she saw Sehun nodding, patting her back. 

_Why?_

"Mauna ka na. Lilinisin ko lang dito at ihahatid na kita." Tumango si Mina at lumabas na ng silid. Gusto ni Hana lapitan si Sehun pero pinigilan nya ang sarili. Would he really throw it away? 

I'll give up if he does, Hana thinks. Kahit parang pinupunit ang puso ni Hana habang pinagmamasdan si Sehun kasama si Mina, naghintay sya. His eyes were different from the words he was saying. There's was no conviction, kaya umasa sya.

Aasa ulit sya na mali ang narinig nya — na hindi ito totoo. Because his eyes screamed otherwise. 

Sehun's eyes never lied, and she'll believe that. 

Hana saw Sehun pick her binder, a small smile on his face and Hana — "keep it." she whispers. 

But Sehun didn't. 

However, when she thought he would throw it away, he put it in a cabinet and locked it. 

Hana didn't even know what to feel about it. She didn't know what to do nor how to react. 

_Paano ba dapat?_

There was a clawing feeling in her chest, thoughts running around her head, she just wanted to cry. But she can't — she shouldn't. So she ran, even before Sehun could see her out the room — waiting like a fool. 

At least he saw it, she kept saying to herself as she walked home, tears brimming in her eyes. "He'll read it. Babalikan nya yun, I know that look from his eyes. He'll know."

Hana wasn't even nervous about him finally knowing, she was much more terrified of what he'll be doing once he does. 

And as she lay on her bed that night, muli syang napatanong sa sarili — she wasn't the only one who felt that there was something between them, right? 

_For now, she could only hope_. 

_**@hanahimala** posted a tweet_

**"Waiting could be beautiful, they said. And great things come to those who wait.**

**So, I waited.**

**But then, I asked myself — is losing myself the greatest things I could get from this?"**

Hana did not bother opening her phone nor sns accounts for the next few weeks after what happened. Alam nya kasi sa sariling she'll be hoping for an explanation — anything that would make the heavy lump in her heart go away.

It's just that, he doesn't even know she was there. What explanation would he say?

And that alone made Hana feel _a lot_ worse.

It was already Christmas break and here they are, preparing the stage for their ball this coming Saturday on the 21st. 

"Tahimik ka ata ngayon, Hanapots? No, let me rephrase that. Bakit ang tahimik mo na?" Napatigil si Hana sa tanong sa kanya ni Bea. Of course she would notice. 

"Stressed lang." she answers at pinagpatuloy ang ginagawa. Bea looked at her intently, she knows Hana's lying but she didn't pry any further. Kilala nya ang kaibigan, she'll tell if she's ready. 

After decorating the backdrop of the stage, and the details on the sides — napagdesisyunan nilang bumili muna ng snacks bago simulan ilagay ang mga hanging decorations plus the letter cuts.

Naisipan ni Hana pumunta sa field. Gusto nya muna mapag-isa. Makapag-isip. May mga bench naman doon na may lilim kaya ayos lang sa kanyang medyo mainit ang panahon.

She was about to walk towards a nearby bench nang marinig nya ang pamilyar na tawa ni Sehun. Napatigil sya paglalakad at agad syang lumingon sa pinanggalingan ng boses. Nakita nyang papadaan sa direksyon nya sina Sehun at Mina kaya agad syang nagtago. 

They were talking and laughing. At dati, sila yon. Dati, sila lagi ang magkasama. Dati, she was the one who could make him laugh like that. Dati, she was the happiest because he was there. 

_Anong nangyari? Bakit hindi na sya?_

As Hana hid herself in one of the trees as they passed by, they were oblivious of her stares, nor hear heart twisting in an emotion so cruel. 

She was jealous — and _it hurts_. So bad, she wanted to cry yet again. But she didn't. She only breathed heavily, trying to calm her heart. 

Patapos na ang sem at eto pa rin sya, gulong-gulo. Ayaw nyang matapos ang taon na wala syang ginagawa. Ayaw nyang ipagpatuloy ang taon na nagtatanong lang sa isip nya. 

She wanted answers. She can't keep hurting like this. Mababaliw na sya sa kakaisip and graduating sila! Hindi dapat puso ang iniinda nya. Hindi dapat ito ang iniisip nya pero para na syang unti-unting kinukunsumo sa bawat bakit, ano, at paano. 

_Sehun._

_Can we talk? Saglit lang._

_I'll wait for you sa lib. 5pm._

_Thank you._

Maybe this was an impulsive decision, Hana thinks, as he fiddled with her fingers on her lap. It was already past five and she's at the library — _waiting_. 

Pero naisip nya, tama na. She deserves any kind of explanation, diba? Of why things changed… dahil para syang dinala sa ere tapos biglang iniwan. She feels like she was at the peak of euphoria and suddenly feeling lost. She's confused — in pain above all else she was feeling. 

But she wasn't mad. Hana told herself not to. 

Her heart was pounding in her chest, he hands cold and sweaty. Nagulat pa sya nang maramdaman na may umupo sa tabi nya at parang mahuhulog ang puso nya ng makita si Sehun — with his familiar scent and oh-so-charming smile like nothing had ever changed. 

Hindi nya namalayang nakatitig na pala sya sa binata. It felt like ages since she saw him this close and she misses him so bad that she started to tear up. 

"Hana..." tumingala sya para pigilan ang nga luhang nagbabadyang pumatak mula sa kanyang mga mata. Not now. When he smiled at her, Hana hated how her heart throbbed with him near. Andito sya. He was finally here and Hana was terrified that she was so happy. 

"Sorry." she chuckles but immediately stopped to breath as she looks at Sehun. His eyes were fond... but sad, Hana realizes — and she wonders why it's there. 

"You have something to tell me?" Sehun quietly asks. 

"I.. I actually wanted..." she trails off and Sehun held her hand, urging her to continue. She looks at their intertwined hands and Hana smiled. Muntik nya nang makalimutan kung gaano kapayapa ang presensya ng binata. Sehun makes her heart calm and frantic at the same time it's scary. 

She sighs, hoping it would calm her down, "A-ano.. ano tayo?" 

"Ano yung meron tayo?" Hana looked at Sehun directly in his eyes, unconsciously tightening her grip to his hand as if he'll leave. 

Hana basks into Sehun's expression — surprise evident in his features, yet he remained silent. Unmoving. 

Napapikit si Hana, umiwas ng tingin pero pinilit nya pa rin ang sarili na magsalita. It's now or never. "G-gusto kita. Gustong-gusto kita. The day you gave my handkerchief back, I knew I liked you then and now, I'm... I'm in —" 

"Hana... don't. Don't say it." she looked up surprised, heart aching as she looks at Sehun's eyes. They were tender but unreadable. Mas lalong nakakasakit but Hana listened. 

Binitawan nito ang kamay nya, only to cage it in both of his hands as he looks at her pleadingly. 

"Sehun...." 

"I'm sorry because I can't say anything right now. Kaya wag mo munang sasabihin yan. Please." he says quietly as he rest his forehead against hers. 

"Wait for me." 

"Wh-what do you mean?" litong-lito sya. What does Sehun mean? 

Hindi na nakuhang sumagot ni Sehun ng biglang mag-ring ang kanyang cellphone. He didn't see how pain contorted in her fave when she lets go of her hand, abruptly standing up as he picked up the call. 

"I'm coming." She heard him say. 

Bago ito tuluyang umalis ay hinalikan nito ang kanyang ulo, "I'm sorry." he whispered and hurriedly went out of the library — leaving Hana stunned and confused. 

_Wait for me_ , he said. For what? Gustong-gusto na ni Hana sabunutan ang sarili at magwala dahil wala syang maintindihan sa kinikilos at sinasabi ng binata. He didn't answer her while she bared her feelings out in the open. 

_Wait for me_. 

His voice echoed in her ear and just like the confused fool that she was, — she knew for herself that she will. 

It was Sehun, after all. 

_**@hanahimala** posted a tweet_

**"You were the Christmas gift I wanted, yet never received. Santa must've think I wasn't good enough for you, and maybe he's right.**

**You weren't good for me either. So, I guess we're even."**

She looks at herself in the mirror as her friends shriek in joy looking at her. Hana was the last one to get ready at saktong pumasok ang mga kaibigan nya.

She was beautiful, they said. With her simple make up that made her look simplicity so stunning. Her long, black hair was left down falling to her back, giving her elegance. Her gown, fit with her petite body — showing her curves.

 _Yet she doesn't feel beautiful_.

_Habang hinihintay nya na matapos ang kanyang mga kaibigan na ayusan. Naisipan nya munang buksan ang kanyang Facebook account._

_She was scrolling in her timeline aimlessly, just to pass her time when a post suddenly caught her attention. She felt that pain again — when he left, running to someone else._

_Running to her._

_Mina._

_It was a post of Mina... and Sehun together, with a caption of thanking the man for accompanying her to the salon._

_She felt bitter._

_The next pictures were of her, in her blue gown — beautiful beside the man she dreamt would be with her that day._

_She breathed heavily, stopping herself from crying. He told her to wait, and more than anything that she sees — she trusts her with her heart. All of it._

She looked at herself in the mirror, and thinks she was nothing like her. Not as beautiful as her.

"Hana..." 

"Hmm?" she hums as a reply. 

"Okay ka lang ba?" 

"Huh?" Hana looks at her friends, halata ang pag-aalala sa mukha kaya pinilit nya ang sariling ngumiti. 

"Ayos lang ako. May iniisip lang." tugon nya.

"Si Sehun ba?" Katherine might have seen her post as well base sa mukha nitong tila binabasa ang ekspresyon nya sa mukha. Iniwas nya ang tingin. 

"Ay, si Sehun talaga? Di ba pwedeng kung anong oras ako uuwi."

"Wala ka nang nakukwento sa amin tungkol sa kanya. Nakausap mo na ba sya?"

Hana contemplates if she'll tell them. Would she bother her friends for something so trivial? For something like her non-existent romance?

 _No. Definitely not_.

Until she's not sure where waiting would take her, hindi nya muna sasabihin. She knew they woukd question him, and she doesn't want to pressure him to something he wasn't ready for. Her pain can't be theirs.

"Hindi pa. Baka mamaya." Totoo naman ang sinabi nya. She's really hoping to talk to him. Sya na naman ang mag-a-adjust, sya ulit yung susubok.

"He'll definitely swoon when he sees you." Jedah exclaims. Even twirling around with her green dress. 

"True! Walang ibang titignan yun sa buong gabi, ikaw lang. Kilig! " Bea added, flipping her curls as she high-fived with Jedah. And Katherine, the very beautiful Katherine, with her dirty white gown, only smiled at her knowingly.

"Tara na. Let's sweep them off their feet shall we?"

_Hana doubts that_. 

Mailaw. Matao. Maingay. 

Ano pa ba ang pwede mong mailarawan sa isang party, diba? For someone like Hana na hindi mahilig sa mga party na ganito, the word "fun" won't even sit well with the word "party" in Hana's vocabulary. 

SJU gym became a ballroom. Ang ganda nang pagkaka-disenyo ng buong lugar. Talagang pinagplanuhan. What they did was just a small portion of it but the management completely made use of it. Pinagsabay na nila ang Senior's Ball and Grand Christmas Celebration dahil well, the university was kinda tight on funds and the fact that the Seniors will be really busy the next year because ot the deployment and OJTs schedules. Even with all the students effort din, hindi talaga kaya lahat pagkasyahin. So they made an alternative. They wanted their last Christmas on SJU be memorable, that's why isinabay na dito yung pagtitipon para sa kanilang pagtatapos. They have made it this far to waste it. 

Marso pa naman naka-schedule ang kanilang Graduation kaya kapos na kapos sila sa oras.

Ang mahalaga naman daw ay magkakaroon sila ng isang araw na magsaya bago tuluyang magpaalam sa isa't-isa. May private party naman ang lahat pagkatapos sa Graduation night nila. Sa tingin ni Hana ay mas maganda ang ideya na ialay ang Seniors' Ball para makapagpasalamat sa kanilang mga guro sa kolehiyo. 

Hindi halatang kinulang ang paghahanda para sa event dahil kahit ganoon ang sitwasyon, the organizers had pulled off an extravagant looking event. 

Akala nya magiging excited sya sa gabing ito — why wouldn't she, right? It's their Senior Ball and the Christmas feeling is on the air! She should be dancing around and laughing with her friends. Smiling as everyone who bumped into her complimented her of how beautiful she looked. Telling her she could be the lady of the night. 

She's supposed to be enjoying the event , but she wasn't. Instead there's a clawing feeling in her chest — kinakabahan sya at hindi nya alam kung bakit. 

Pinagmasdan nya lang ang mga kaibigan habang masayang-masaya itong ikinakampanya sya bilang Lady of the Night. She was just there sitting on their table, looking around the crowd — hoping to see someone in particular. 

"Ikaw din binoto namin for Campus Couple. Kayong dalawa ni Pres, actually." asar sa kanya ng isa sa mga kaklase nilang biglang lumapit sa kanya. She was about to respond with a smile on her face yet it suddenly faltered as she saw them entering — her arms linked to his. 

Lumingon naman ang kausap nya sa direksyon na tinitignan nya, and she heard her gasp. 

"Bakit hindi ikaw yung kasama?"

_Bakit nga ba hindi sya_? 

She didn't expect to see Sehun beside her as she busies herself with her phone. While the rest of the people around her had the night of their life — hinayaan nya lang ang sarili na makinig sa tugtog at kumuha ng litrato. Hindi nya naman inasahan na may makakapansin sa kanya — _especially not Sehun_. 

Gusto nya man ngitian ang binata, ay hindi nya magawa. Habang nakatingin kasi sya sa pamilyar na ngiti ng binata, parang ang nararamdaman nya — nanghihiram na naman sya ng bagay na hindi sa kanya. Like one call, will make him stand up and walk away from her again. 

"Bakit mag-isa ka dito?" he asks. 

Sehun Stephen looked dashing as ever. With his slightly long hair, his black tailored suit, and his ever so charming smile that always rendered her speechless. 

"Hana?" napaiwas sya ng tingin. She remembered what happened nung nakaraan lang at hindi nya maiwasang mailang. Looking at him makes her confused. 

"Wala lang." she answers quietly, not sure if he'll be able to hear it. 

"Ayaw mo pa rin sa mga party, 'no? You'd rather be eating isaw and kikiam dun sa kanto, diba? Miss ko na din dun. Pasyal uli tayo dun." tugon nito habang nakatingin pa rin sa kanya. 

Hana looked back at him and she doesn't know why she's acting like nothing happened, like nothing was wrong. But she can't deny, that she missed this Sehun. Her Stephen. 

His darkened gaze softened as he smiles — suddenly looking at her like they've just met. 

"You really look beautiful tonight, Hana." he says softly and Hana was lost. 

Parang nawala ang lahat ng tao sa paligid and the loud music was replaced by something akin to a sweet melody. Ganun na ba talaga kalalim ang nararamdaman nya para kay Sehun na tila parang tumigil ang mundo dahil sa mga ngiti nya — dahil sa mga matang mula noon pa'y kahinaan nya na. Nakakasilaw. Nakakatunaw. Nakakalunod. 

_"There you have it folks! They had been chosen. Congratulations to our Chosen Campus Couple — Mr. Sehun Stephen Oh and Ms. Hana Miracle Lu."_

Tila biglang nawala ang katahimikan na kanilang pinagsaluhan, replaced by loud cheers and shouts. 

Confettis were every where — falling like a magical light surrounding both of them. 

Nang tumingin syang muli kay Sehun, parang bumagal uli ang lahat and all he saw was him — he was staring back at her. His face glowing, ethereal even. Hana forgets how to breath of how magical he seems to be, like a prince. 

The naster of the night continued his calls, of the ladies and gentlemen of night. She didn't care. As long as he was there. 

_Yet all of a sudden, he wasn't anymore_. After looking at his phone, he stood up — frantic. "Sorry." he mouthed, then she was left in a crowd cheering for the new set of people who owned the night. Oblivious of her. She felt alone in that room, only given a spotlight for second. 

Why? Bakit naiwan na naman syang gulong-gulo sa gitna ng dapat isang masayang pagtitipon. 

Napatingin sya sa direksyon kung saan si Sehun pumunta, and she found herself taking the same path he did. 

She ended up at the SJU field. Maliwanag ang paligid dala ng mga Christmas light na nakasabit sa bawat puno. On one of the benches, there she saw Sehun sitting ... with Mina, her head resting on his shoulder.

 _Sa kanya na naman pala pumunta_. 

Hana watched as she gave her a peck on his cheek, and how Sehun caged her in his arms. Hindi alam ni Hana ang mararamdaman, her head was spinning, her heart heavy with pain. 

_Ano 'to?_

Why does she feels betrayed? Why is she feeling so much pain na tila gusto nyang hablutin si Sehun mula sa pagkakahawak ni Mina, and ask him why? Ask him why she was with her when he made Hana feel like she was his everything? 

But instead she turned around, walked back to the party, and sat on her corner like nothing happened. 

_She saw nothing_. 

Hihintayin nya si Sehun na bumalik. She'll ask him. Wala lang naman iyon diba? Hindi nya alam kung nagpapakamartir sya, nagpapakatanga, o sadyang nagpapakabulag. 

Hangga't wala pa syang sinasabi, hindi sya maniniwala. Kahit nakita na mismo ng kanyang mga mata, hangga't hindi nya mapatunayan sa harapan nya, maghihintay pa rin sya. 

_That's how weak Hana Miracle is for Sehun Stephen._

A few minutes of calming her heart, her chest heaving — she felt someone sit beside her. 

"Nakita mo kami, hindi ba?" napalingon sya sa nagsalita and her breath hitched when she saw her. 

_Si Mina_. 

May galit sa mga mata nitong hindi nya maiintindihan, pero nandoon din ang sakit. Bakit? 

"You saw us, didn't you? Sana naman nakuha mo na." mataray na sabi nito. 

"Anong ibig mong sabihin?" she asks, thankful that her voice didn't stutter. 

"He's mine now. No. He is mine, still." parang may kung anong nabasag sa loob nya nang marinig ang sinabi ni Mina. 

"Wala syang sinabi sa akin." palaban nyang sabi. She can see the lies in her eyes. Hindi iyon totoo, hindi ba? 

Mina just smiled — _mocking_. 

"You're just like the girls I knew when Sehun and I were still in highschool. You thought you're worthy of him. Because of what your poems?" she scoffed. "Kaya pala itinapon nya." 

"Hindi yan totoo. He kept it." Hana struggled to speak but she still did. Kilala nya si Sehun, he would never do that. Hindi nya alam kung sarili nya pa ba ang ipinagtatanggol nya o ying pagkakakilala nya kay Sehun.

"Tignan mo sya, Hana Miracle." Mina says at itinuro kung nasaan si Sehun. He was laughing with his friends — happy and uncaring. "Sa tingin mo ba, sa lahat ng tao sa paligid nya, what made you think he'd choose you? What do you think you have na wala ang mga taong handa ding ibigay sa kanya lahat? What made you special out of the others, Hana?"

Hana kept mum. Sehun had always been out of her league, but he made him feel like they were ordinary people having a fairytale. "Mabait lang talaga sya sa lahat, and I'm sorry that you're one of those people who thought they're special just because the Sehun Stephen made them feel they were."

Gusto ni Hana na takpan ang kanyang tenga sa mga naririnig mula kay Mina. They aren't true. What he made her feel wasn't just her own wishful thinking. His were real, and she knows he meant them. 

"Maniwala ka, na at the end of the day he'll choose me. Just like he always did back then."

Hana didn't day anything. Everything was just too fast, everything she saw, everything she heard. Her hands were already shaking, cold and almost lifeless. 

_So I never really knew you_

_God I really tried to_

_Blindsided, addicted_

_Thought we could really do this_

_But really I was foolish_

_Hindsight it's_

_Obvious._

_"Let the romance fill the air on this Christmas season as we choose finally our first dance for the night, go on. Choose."_

The voice of the master of the ceremony echoed throughout the hall, making Hana's heart heavier than it already was. 

_"Watch."_ Mina says, as she smiles triumphantly. 

_Talking with my lawyer she said_

_"Where'd you find this guy?"_

_I said, "Young people fall in love"_

_"With the wrong people sometimes"_

Sehun walks near them, a smile on his face that she haven't seen him wear before. He stopped in front of them, dazzling as ever — holding out his hand for one of them to take. 

"May I have this dance," 

Hana hopes to hear him call her name, 

_"... Mina?"_

But he didn't. 

Umalis sya sa hall, can't bear to see him with someone else. She ran to the room, where her doubts started to tower her being — where he kept the binder. 

She swallows her sobs, as he rummaged through the cabinets. 

"Hoy! Anong ginagawa mo?" Hana froze.

"Nandoon ang part, anong ginagawa mo dito? Sinira mo ba yung pinto?" the guard asks. 

"M-may hinahanap lang po ako. I-importante." she stutters. 

"Sa mga cabinet na yan?" 

"Opo." 

"Wala ka nang mahahanap jan. Pinatapon na lahat ng abubot na nalalagay riyan. Mabuti pang bumalik ka na.... teka, umiiyak ka ba?" Hana paled. Unti-unyting napaupo, tila nawalan ng buhay. "Teka, wag ka muna mahimatay! Jusko. Sandali. Tatawag ako ng tricycle." Iniwan sya ng guard, alone again in her thoughts. 

Hana didn't try to tone down her cries as she remembers what the guard said. He really did throw it away. Mina was right. She was nothing to him. _Everything was nothing to him_. 

Suddenly, her phone rings. Her sister was calling. 

"Hello?" she answers, trying to sound fine even she knows for herself that she isn't. She wipes her tears away, kailangan nya muna maging ate. 

"A-ate…" Hana can hear her sister crying from the other line. "Hera? Anong nangyari?" nag-alala nyang tanong sa kapatid. 

"Ate, P-papa left. Kinuha nya na mga gamit nya. Hindi na sya babalik, Ate…" 

Nabitawan ni Hana ang cellphone na hawak. Parang nabingi sya sa narinig mula sa kapatid. Ang kanyang mga hikbi'y napalitan ng katahimikan. She just stood there. Unmoving. Tila namanhid sya bigla sa sakit na nararamdaman na kahit mga luha nya'y kusa na lang na pumatak. Walang nang hikbi, wala nang sigaw na lumabas sa kanyang bibig — tanging mga luha na patuloy na umaagos sa kanyang mga mata. 

Masakit. 

Nakakaubos.

Nakakagalit. 

Nakakamanhid. 

Putangina, " _Ayoko na..._ "

_Talong-talo na sya._

"Hana!" 

Only a shout of her name was all she remembered before darkness finally lulled her to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think Sehun deserves a second chance? Tell me your thoughts, juseyo. 🥺


	12. Chapter 12

📝📝📝

Sehun groans as he sat up from his bed. Parang binibiyak sa sakit ang ulo nya at pakiramdam nya dinaganan sya ng kilu-kilong sako ng bigas sa pagkamanhid ng buo nyang katawan. Memories from last night flooded his mind in a wave at napamura na lamang sya. _"Shit."_

Although he's sure that he'll probably fall face first on the cold tiled floor, Sehun willed himself to stand up. "Hana..."

Hindi nya alam kung nababaliw na sya pero he needs to see Hana and apologize. What he did was a dick move — calling her and kissing her without her consent, again.

Pasuray-suray syang lumabas sa kwarto nya. Palabas na sana sya sa pinto ng kanilang tinutuluyan nang marinig nya ang boses ni Chase mula sa kusina. "Saan ka naman pupunta sa ganyang itsura mo, Sehun?" 

"I... k-kay Hana." gargal na sagot nya sa kaibigan, jalatang hindi pa nadadaanan ng tubig ang lalamunan. 

"For what? To apologize? Then make her feel like shit again afterwards?", maanghang na sabi ni Chase na tuluyang nakapagpatigil kay Sehun sa pag-bukas ng pinto. Nag-igting ang panga nya sa narinig mula sa kaibigan. Pero hindi sya nagsalita. 

"Ayusin mo sarili mo. Let's go to the café, baka masuntok kita dito." Chase sternly told him with a look na dapat sumunod sya. "Bilisan mo." 

Makatapos maghilamos at ayusin kahit papaano ang kanyang buhok, Sehun follows Chase sa café. Hindi gaanong mainit ang paligid at nakaka-kalma ang simoy ng hangin. Napakagandang mamasyal sa resort sa ganitong panahon. But Sehun doesn't have the heart to do that. 

They arrived at the café in no time and Chase asked him to find them a seat. Pinili nya ang isang bakanteng upuan sa labas dahil pakiramdam nya ay hindi sya makakahinga sa loob. 

Bago tuluyang pumasok si Chase sa café para umorder ay tinignan sya nito na parang nagsasabing wag syang magkakamaling umalis. 

This is one of those times na sobrang maka-Kuya si Chase. Alam nito kung kailan sya pagsasabihan at hindi papakialaman, and he knows na mapapagalitan sya ngayon. _And he knows fe fucking deserves that._

While waiting for Chase, Sehun let himself drown into his thoughts. Does Hana hate him now? Of course. Magtatanong pa sya. Sino ba naman ang hindi magagalit sa mga pinaggagagawa nya. Wala na ata talaga syang ginawang tama. All he does is to fuck things up and make her cry. Malinaw sa alaala nya ang sakit sa mga mata ng dalaga — _it haunted him._ Making Sehun hate himself even more. Hindi pa nga sya nakakapagpaliwanag, gumawa na naman sya ng panibagong gulo sa isipan ng dalaga. 

He's aware of his actions, he knows his faults, but he doesn't know where to start redeeming them. 

He could've been honest, but instead he underestimated her — how she can handle him. How she loved him. _Akala nya kasi kaya nya._

He even had the audacity to make her wait for answer just because he wanted everything in place — all according to his plan. Sa isip nya noon, tama ang desisyon nya. Alam nya, that she would wait. Like she always did. Nakampante sya na kahit anong mangyari, Hana would be there — that Hana will understand. Akala nya pagkatapos ng lahat, she'll just be there.

_Oh, how wrong he was._

"Mabuti at hindi mo naisipan na pumunta sa kanya habang wala ako." Naudlot ang pag-iisip ni Sehun nang bumalik si Chase. Inilagay nito ang mga order sa lamesa, dalawang tasa ng brewed coffee at ginger bread toast. A perfect morning meal. 

Nang makaupo ito sa kaharap nyang upuan, tinuon nito ang mga mata sa kanya. He sighed, "Go on, tell me how stupid I am." 

But instead of hearing the exact same words from Chase, he got a smile instead. "May hindi pa pala ako nasasabi sa'yo." simula ni Chase. 

"Hana fainted that night. Nung Senior Ball. Do you remember that?" 

"What!?" nanlaki ang mga mata ni Sehun sa narinig mula kay Chase. 

"While you were dancing with someone else, she was crying her heart out. Mabuti na lang at napadaan ako sa building natin dahil magyoyosi sana ako. Tinawag ako nung guard, saying there's a girl sa BioSci room that needs help. Akala ko kaklase natin, si Hana pala."

Nanatiling tahimik si Sehun. " _Dahil ba sa akin?_ " tanong nya sa sarili at mas lalong bumigat ang pakiramdam nya. _Tangina_. 

"It turns out her father left that day. The same day you chose someone else over her." 

"I didn't choose someone else! How many times do I have to say that I didn't!? Hana was only choice." his sudden outburst made a few people look at their direction and Chase was the one to offer an apologetic smile. Sehun still had his fist clenched, his face red, but his eyes — they were full of sadness and regret. There were unshed tears, konti na lang bibigay na ang mga iyon. 

"Tell me everything." Sehun says after a minute of calming himself. Chase nods.

"She got home safe. Ako ang nag-uwi sa kanya. Dun ko din nalaman na… ayun nga. She uttered your name at sabi ni Tita, masyado ata syang nasanay na andyan ka to the point na kahit wala syang malay, ikaw hinahanap nya. Sinanay mo yung tao, tapos ano ginawa mo?"

Sehun just hangs his head low. Guilty. 

"There were rumors about you and Mina after the ball. Our department didn't entirely believed that, especially ng mga kaibigan nya kasi akala nila after the ball you and Hana talked. That's what you said, diba? Kakausapin mo sya. Her friends even left her sa table nila so you could have your chance to talk kasi alam nila that she was waiting para makausap ka. You were with her, then suddenly nakikipag-sayaw ka na sa iba. Sana nakita nila yun, I hoped her friends saw what you did para hindi na nila pinilit si Hana sa'yo all these years without knowing that this guy they claimed to love their friend was nothing but a coward." Walang prenong sabi nito at napayuko na lamang si Sehun. Totoo lahat ng sinabi ng kaibigan and he wasn't going to deny that.

When he saw a chance na hindi sya didikitan ni Mina, he asked Hana's friends for a favor — to have a time with her alone, kaya lumayo ang mga ito. They oblivious to what will happen. He even asked Chase to look out for Hana para masabihan siya kung umalis ba ito sa upuan nya o kung saan pupunta. Even he knows that his friend wanted to be with Bea that night, Chase helped him. But like always, he fucks up. May inuna na naman kasi sya. 

"I remember you leaving sa table and she followed you. I texted you, diba? Where have you been that night? Nakita na lang kita ulit si Mina na ang kasama mo, on the first dance. Pinigilan kong makita yun ni Luna because alam kong sasabihin nya yun kay Hana. But it turns out after all those years, Hana knew. Ano ba ang ginawa mo? Hindi ako nagtanong noon because it's really not my business, pero Sehun, nagpapakagago ka na naman ngayon. I don't tolerate shits like that."

Nobody had ever asked if he was okay back then or what kind of shit he was dealing. Actually kasalanan nya naman. He didn't let them. No one did question his choices because why would they? Sehun Stephen Oh was responsible. Alam nya ang ginagawa nya. Pero he knows na tanga din sya minsan, nagkakamali. He isn't perfect. Those who truly cared for him knows that, kaya heto si Chase — knocking the senses out of him. Maybe he needed understanding after all. To let them know he isn't as selfish as they think he is. 

Dapat sana kay Hana nya sasabihin na una, but he doubts Hana will listen to his side of the story. Will it still matter to her? It's been two years. Nananahimik na si Hana. Ginugulo nya na naman. _Asan yung gusto nyang mangamusta lang?_

"What were your reasons?" Chase asked after an excruciating silence. Hawak nito ang telepono at nakatingin nang mabuti sa kanya. 

Sehun breathes heavily before he started. 

"Remember the scholarships that Mama promised before she went to Australia?" he started at nakakunot ang noong tumango si Chase. 

"That pushed through, but not the way you expect it. Nagkulang tayo sa pondo, diba? And 4th year tayo when I figured out why. Dahil kay Mama. I don't need to elaborate, you know where the money went. When she suddenly flew to Australia for her dream job, it all just started to click. But I didn't question her. Gusto nya yun e. Everything was fine as long as Mama was happy." basag ang boses na paliwanag ni Sehun. 

Chase only looked at his friend with understanding. Sehun loved his Mom. Ito ang bumuhay sa kanyang mag-isa. You see, Sehun was a fruit of a young love ended by the cruel fate. Alam yun ni Chase. Sa kanila iniiwan si Sehun noon ng mga bata pa sila and growing up, he understood Sehun's story. Masaya naman ang mga magulang ni Sehun. Kahit nagpakasal sa murang edad at kinalimutan ang marangyang buhay para magsama, pinagpatuloy nila ang mga matatayog na pangarap nila. Sehun was unexpected but loved. His father died in a car accident the day his mother went into labor. Nagmamadali kasi itong sumugod sa ospital nang mabalitaang manganaganak na ang asawa. 

Sehun knows that his mother loves him, pero alam nya din ang lungkot na dala ng bawat kaarawan nya dahil naalala nito ang pagkawala ng lalaking pinakamamahal nya. That's why when her mother told him she wanted to reach her dreams to travel. To go to Australia and be the woman she is now, hindi sya pinigilan ni Sehun. Gusto sana syang isama pero he knows what he wanted, and he gave his mother the opportunity to do what she loves without thinking about him. She was still young for a mother, and he'll be fine that they will both reach their dreams apart. His mother thought him and raised him to be an independent man after all. 

However, his love for his mother took him to a predicament. Sehun feared that his mom wasn't done making a name for herself and it will all go into shambles if he doesn't agree on that deal. Her mother was in debt for years. A crime that would put her in bars kapag nalaman na kumuha sya ng pera mula sa pondo ng unibersidad. He had the money but his mother's name was on the receiving end of the issues and there are students that will not be able to graduate in time because they would be cut off the scholarship grant. Also, he was just a student planning for his life, too. Although left with money to use in the future, walang-wala pa rin sya. 

He would put so much in line. There were so many things to consider for a boy his age. _But he didn't have a choice._

"Mr. Choi offered to help. Colleague sya ni Mama, so he offered me a solution. He would take of everything. Her debts. The scholarships. For one condition. Naisip ko nun. I was doing this for Mom. I was doing this for Hana. Because she's one of the university scholars at ayokong mawala yun sa kanya. She needed that, and I agreed to a deal." He heard an audible gasp and his friend's face feigned shock. They didn't know any of this. 

"Mr. Choi is Mina's father, right?" 

"Yes. He was nice. But he was like Mom. Too busy and too ambitious. What's worse about him was he forgot about his family. Kaya nung yung kaisa-isang anak nya muntik nang magpakamatay. Natauhan sya. He accepted the position when Mama left, remember? To look after Mina. He also found out after years of audits and whatever the things Mama did." 

Hindi alam ni Sehun kung bakit nakuha nyang tanggapin at masikmura ang lahat ng iyon. Kahit sya, hindi nya bastang pinaniwalaan. Pero the evidences were there. 

"He said he would help me, in return I would make her daughter happy." pagapapatuloy nya. "It wasn't supposed to be hard because Mina was once special to me. Pero…." 

"Hindi tama yung ginawa nya, Sehun. Hindi din tama ang ginawa mo."

"It wasn't right, I know. But I can't let Mama suffer. I didn't know if she had enough to be able to pay everything to Mr. Choi because he had already shouldered everything."

"But your Mom did, hindi ba? After Grad, umuwi si Mama mo and nabalitaan ko nun mas dumagdag yung scholarship sa SJU, all under your name." Tumango naman sya bilang sagot sa kaibigan. 

"She went home because of Mina." Sehun says and Chase looked at him in question, his cup near his lips.

"Mina called her. Told her everything. Because I refused to do so. Alam ko kasi nauuwi si Mama just for me at iiwan nya na naman ang pangarap nya dahil sakin…" napatigil sya as he remembers the time when his mother caged him into her arms, muttering apologies after apologies. 

"But it ended up well and you thought if you could have done that sooner, you wouldn't have sacrificed anything. Tama ba ako?" 

Tumango naman si Sehun. "I thought kaya ko kasi mahal ko si Mama e. That little sacrifice won't hurt. But hell, it did. I lost my happiness, Chase."

"Bakit hindi mo yan sinabi sa kanya. Sa amin? You carried that all alone kasi ano? Malakas ka? Kaya mo sarili mo? Sehun naman. Hindi sa lahat ng oras kailangan mong sarilihin mga problema mo."

"I know that now. Hana had long made me realize that I don't have to be perfect. Ako lang naman 'tong may problema. Kailangan ko din pala ng tulong." He laughs humorlessly. What happened back then was lesson, a painful one. 

He took a sip from his coffee, already cold and bitter and a smile tugged his lips — remembering a girl who was obsessed with coffee. "Si Hana — she was a breath of fresh air. Alam mo yun? Titignan ko lang sya and I can go on another day. Kasi sya nga, she had many issues to deal with day by day, pero nakukuha nya pa rin ngumiti. Maging masaya. Naisip ko, will I let her suffer with my problems that time. Will I hurt her knowing I had to make someone else happy? No. I don't want to out her through that. Kahit alam kong she would understand. Nakampante ako e. I know at the end of everything, she will be there. I was so sure that she will."

Nakinig lang sa kanya si Chase. 

"Kaya hinayaan ko lang. The deal will end, after Grad sa kanyang-kanya na ako ulit. I can see her smile again. Mapapasaya ko na sya ulit."

The sight was something you wouldn't expect. Under the broad daylight, a handsome man was crying — _reminiscent_. 

"Alam mo bang umamin sya, and I told her to wait. Ang kapal ng mukha ko, diba? I couldn't tell her I love her that time kasi…" 

Sehun pauses. "... Mina still needed me, that I forgot she needed me, too." 

"Nung Ball, she called. Frantic. Sabi nya, mahihirapan sya huminga so I went to her. You don't know how my steps grew heavier by the second knowing I'm leaving Hana alone. So, that night naglakas loob akong sabihin kay Mina na I was in love with someone else. That she can live without me. Hindi naman ako mawawala. But I can no longer leave Hana again. Surprisingly, she said okay. But I should have seen it coming. For Hana, it was the last straw, wasn't it? That was Mina's last request, she wanted me to be her first dance, and I had asked her in front of Hana…"

"Ang gago mo." His friend says and Sehun nodded. "I know. I had no choice."

"You had, Sehun. You just chose the wrong ones." 

"Mina admitted that she was still in love with me, and she didn't tell her father that our deal was off so it continued… atleast in her part. I was reaching out to Hana, I was ready to tell her everything kasi hindi ko na kaya. I miss her everyday. Pero wala, until Graduation came. Hindi ko man lang sya nakausap. Tapos nalaman ko na lang, she left. I was so miserable when she left, Chase. No goodbyes, no anything. I don't deserve that, alam ko. Pero masakit, masakit pa rin. Sobrang sakit pala. "

Chase was just watching his friend as he wipes his tears on the sleeve of his shirt, frustratingly pulling his hair. Hindi naman alak ang kaharap nila pero parang mas kailangan nila iyon ngayon. Pang-lunod lang ng kalungkutan. 

"It's funny how everything went fine after graduation. Things went into place just like in my plans, but I felt like there was a huge part of me went missing. I feel suffocated kahit alam kong wala nang kasunduan na nakatali sakin. Akala ko I can be with my happiness. And we'll reach our dreams together. Dami kong plano kasama sya. Pero wala na sya e. Napagod na sya sa akin." 

"Kaya ba sa isla mo pinili magturo? Para makalayo?" tanong ni Chase at tumango naman si Sehun, "I needed to find myself."

Sehun sighed for the nth time that day. Lalo atang sumakit ang ulo nya sa lahat ng sinabi nya ngayon. Sa lahat ng emosyon na naglalaro at nararamdaman nya ngayon. He let his head fall into his hands, trying his best not to sob. "I miss her."

"Mag-usap kayo kapag kaya nyo na. Not now. I know you're both still so shaken. Kung ano man ang magiging desisyon nyo sana yung puso nyo maging masaya at malaya na. Pakiusap lang." 

Sehun looked up to see his friend, noticing that he was not just pertaining to him. Napaupo sya ng maayos at gulat na napatingin sa cellphone na hawak ng kaibigan — with an ongoing call on the screen. 

" _Sa-salamat, Kuya Chase_." hearing her voice made Sehun gasp. 

"Hana…" he says her name breathlessly. 

_"Let's… l-let's talk when our convention is over, Stephen."_

She said his name so tenderly, and it gave hope to Sehun's shattering heart. "Okay." 

_"You were always an amazing person, Stephen. Thank you."_

She said softly before the call ended. 

Sehun looked at Chase and a woman sitting behind him turned her head toward his direction, unconsciously putting her chin to Chase's right shoulder, who didn't mind the closeness. They were both smiling at him understandingly, and he was dumbfounded. Hana was listening the whole entire time. _What?_

_How?_

"You're welcome." Bea and Chase said in chorus. 

____________________

_**Chase** _

_Handa ka na ba? 👀_

_You'll talk to Hana today._

_Good luck, tropapips!_

Napailing na lamang si Sehun sa text ni Chase. Pero napangiti sya sabay sa biglang kaba na naramdaman nya. He feels like he's back to College, nervous, just like the first time he met her at the library. 

Hindi nya pa rin lubos akalain na gagawin ni Chase at Bea yung tulong na hindi nya alam na kailangan nya. Hindi nya alam kung paano magsisimula mag-paliwanag kay Hana, but his friend and hers had already made a way for that to happen. 

"Kami na ang napapagod sainyo. It's about time na mag-usap kayo. It was long overdue. Tama na ang habulan, please lang." natandaan nyang sinabi ni Bea nang magtanong sya kung bakit. A stuttering mess of a question, and all he was able to ask was "why?". He was thankful, not because they made it easier for him, but because even they both know hoe stupid he was, of how he had hurt Hana, — they had given him a chance to make her happy again. 

Hindi nya din maiwasan na hindi mapansin ang mga pasimpleng ngiti nina Chase at Bea sa isa't-isa. It looks like they had their own talk, _(and that's a story for another time.)_

Sana maging ganoon din ang kalabasan ng pag-uusap nila ni Hana. Maging katulad ulit ng dati. 

How he wants that back, yung mga pasimpleng ngiti at tingin, nakakatunaw at nakakagaan ng puso. 

_Sana._

The week passed like a blur. Ginamit ni Sehun ang isang linggong ngayon upang ihanda ang sarili na makausap si Hana. Alam nyang narinig na ng dalaga ang mga dahilan nya sa kung bakit parang lumayo sya noon — kung bakit nakuha nyang saktan ang dalaga ng hindi sinasadya. Alam nya na sa bawat pag-iwas ng tingin ng dalaga, bawat hakbang nya palayo, bawat pagtanggi, at pagpigil, alam nya — he had hurt her. _Badly_. 

At hindi nya ginusto yon. Why would he want to hurt the girl he loves? Kaya ngayon, gusto nyang personal humingi ng tawad, bumawi, at humingi ng isa pang pagkakataon. He would love her right, just like what she deserves. Ibibigay nya na lahat ng pagmamahal na hindi nya nakuhang ibuhos sa kanya noon.

Huminga sya ng malalim, inayos ang buhok nyang humahaba na naman, at tinignan ang sarili sa salamin. Today was the last day of the convention at mamayang madaling araw ay babalik na sila sa Maynila. Mayroon silang munting celebration sa Phase9 bago sila tukuyang magtapos sa dalawang linggong convention.

Dalawang linggo. Halos labing-apat na araw na biglang nagpabago sa takbo ng nga buhay nila. Meron na nasagot yung mga tanong, meron na nagkaroon ng pagkakataon, at mga sugat na nakabukas na unti-unti nang naghilom.

Inipon nya ang lakas ng loob, para masabi ang lahat ng mga bagay na hindi nya nasabi noon. Hindi na sya magiging duwag. Hindi na sya magsasayang ng panahon. He had been years too late upon chasing his happiness. 

Sehun can't deny that they had a past full of almosts, muntik na, at napakaraming sayang. Kaya sana pagbigyan sya ng universe na makabawi — sumaya, at hayaang piliin sya.

_Sana_. 

___________________

Nakatulala si Hana habang nakatingin sa malawak na bulubundukin na tanaw mula sa kinatatayuan ng resort. Papalubog na ang araw at napakaganda ang liwanag na tumatama sa tubig mula rito. The hues of vivid colors, made her frantic heart be at peace even for a moment. 

Habang abala ang mga kaibigan nya sa pakikipag-usap sa iba nilang co-teachers, ay heto sya malalim ang iniisip. 

"You're thinking about Sehun, aren't you?" nagulat si Hana sa biglang pagsulpot ni Katherine sa harapan nya. Tumawa naman ito sa naging reaksyon nya at inabutan sya ng milk shake. 

"Napaghahalataan ka masyado." biro nito sa kanya at saka umupo. Hana looks at her friend and Katherine looks so in love. Hindi maiwasan ni Hana na mapansin ang ngiti nito at awra na mas lalo pa atang nagpatingkad sa kanya. 

"Bakit sa akin ka na nakatulala jan?" tawa nito. "May problema ka ba?" agad naman syang umiling. 

"How did you know Toffie was worth more than his explanations?" bigla nyang tanong sa kaibigan at kahit nagulat man ay ngumiti pa rin ito sa kanya. 

"Toffie was always sincere, torpe at madalas hindi sigurado sa sarili, but he was worth his insecurities and flaws. That's why when he said he left to build himself _for me_ , I believed him. Kasi kahit hindi kami magkasama, nakita ko yung pagbabago nya, pero pinaramdam nya na yung mararamdaman nya para sa akin buhay na buhay pa."

Katherine smiled so radiantly that Hana wished she could be that happy. Pero mabigat pa rin e. 

"Excited ka na makita sya 'no?" tanong nya sa kaibigan at ngumiti naman ito. Two days from now kasi ay pupunta si Katherine sa Singapore. Toffie, out of nowhere, had sent her a plane ticket and approved video call from her parents to visit Toffie. 

Bago pa man pala ligawan ni Toffie si Kath ay nagpaalam na ito sa kanyang nga magulang. He was miles away, but he made it happen. Ang swerte ni Kath kay Toffie. "Sana all." biro ni Hana to lighten up the mood, most likely hers. 

"Maybe you won't be saying that anymore after tonight." Katherine says, "mag-uusap kayo ni Sehun, diba?" 

Hana's smiled faltered at napayuko sya. Napansin naman agad ito ni Kath. "Ayaw mo ba?" 

"Gusto. Kaso natatakot ako… hindi ko kasi alam kung kahit personal, hindi pa rin 'to mawala." 

"Anong ibig mong sabihin?" 

Hana sighs and put her hands one her lap, fidgeting — looking for the rights words to say. "Narinig ko naman na paliwanag nya, at oo, naintindihan ko. Ang bigat pala ng pinagdaanan nya and I wasn't even there for him." Mabuti na lang at they far from the prying ears of many, dahil unti-unti nang nababasag ang boses ni Hana. Hindi nya na napigilan ang emosyong nakabara sa dibdib nya. 

"That's not your fault. Hindi din sa kanya. Akala nya yun yung tamang gawin noon, he did for his Mom, for you kahit nakakaloka naman talaga yung desisyong ginawa nya." 

"Yun na nga e." she says at buries her face on her hands. Naiiyak na naman sya. "His reasons were valid. Pero bakit ang sakit pa rin? Bakit hindi mawala yung bigat? Bakit kahit anong pilit kong intindihin, tinatanong ko pa rin sa sarili ko kung sapat ba ako? Kasi if he really did trust me — bakit hindi nya sinabi? Bakit… bakit parang ayoko na sya bigyan ng pagkakataon kasi natatakot ako na baka kapag nasa tabi ko sya, isang tawag lang…. wala na naman sya? Naaalala ko yun e. Yun yung laging naalala ko." Pilit na pinupunasan ni Hana ang mga luha nyang tila hindi na naubos. Tahimik lang na nakikinig si Katherine sa kanya, eyes filled with worry. 

"Takot akong makita si Sehun, Kath. Kasi baka ibigay ko na naman 'tong puso ko sa kanya ng walang pag-aalinlangan tapos basagin nya ulit." 

______________________

_"Takot akong makita si Sehun, Kath. Kasi baka ibigay ko na naman 'tong puso ko ng walang pag-aalinlangan tapos basagin nya ulit."_

In between the glass walls are the cemented parts where paintings and life quotations are hanged — where poeple can hide and hear conversations from the outside. Conversations that can break your heart, shattering the hope you had brought with you along. Katulad na lamang ng nararamdaman ngayon ni Sehun.

Unti-unti syang umatras paalis, nawala ang kaninang lakas ng loob dahil sa mga narinig. Masakit, pero kasalanan nya. Wala na, _kasi duwag sya._

Hindi pa nabubuksan ang ilaw sa labas kaya dali-dali syang umalis sa pwesto nya para hindi mapansin ni Hana. Baka mas lalo itong masaktan na makita sya sa kalagayan nya ngayon, at hindi nya kaya iyon. 

Hindi pa sya handa, at hindi nya ipipilit sa dalaga na pakinggan sya habang mabigat pa rin ang mga alaalang iniwan nya.

Hindi nya napansin na sa pagmamadaling pag-alis nya, he was already on the edge of the pool, isang tulak lang mahuhulog na sya.

Sabay sa pagbukas ng ilaw sa labas ang pagtawag ni Chase sa pangalan nya. "Sehun!" sa gulat nya ay napaatras sya at tuluyang nahulog sa malamig na tubig. Hindi sya nag-abalang ipadyak o igalaw ang kanyang katawan, hinayaan nya lang lumubog ang katawan nya sa lalim ng tubig. Baka pag-umahon sya mula sa pagbagsak sa tubig ay hindi na masakit. Kasi katulad ng nga mata nyang bumibigat na ang talukap, mas bumibigat yung nararamdaman nya — yung sakit na dinulot nya sa iba.

And before he completely closed his eyes into oblivion, her worried face appeared in his mind, calling his name — over and over and over again.

" _Stephen!"_

___________________

Hana felt like her blood ran cold the moment Bea screamed. "Hana, si Sehun nahulog!" agad syang napatayo sa kinauupuan nya at dali-daling lumabas. May ilang estudyante na ang nakapalibot sa pool pero wala ni isang tumalon. She can't blame them. The pool located in the vicinity of Phase9 was one of the deepest pools inside the resort.

Pero not for Hana. Nakatalon na si Chase nang dumating sya at agad syang sumunod na tumalon sa pool na walang sabi-sabi. Gulat na gulat ang mga kaibigan nya, including Bea who was already nervously calling for help. They can't expect her to just stand there and wait. 

Hindi pinansin ni Hana kung gaano kabigat sa katawan nya ang tubig habang lumalangoy sya pababa — inaabot ang kamay ni Sehun. Chase was already lifting his body, pero nahihirapan ito dahil na rin pwersa ng tubig at nasa ilalim na silang parte ng pool. Agad nyang inabot ang kamay ni Sehun at tinulungan si Chase na madala ang binata sa taas. Wala na itong malay, at kinain ng kaba at pag-aalala ang puso ni Hana. 

Kinakapos ang hiningang naka-angat sila sa tubig at agad na linapitan ni Hana ang katawan ng binata na pinahiga sa sahig kahit nakakaramdamn na din sya ng hilo at panginginig. "Hana! Ano bang naisapan mo at bigla ka na ding tumalon!?" Hindi pinansin ni Hana ang pagalit na saway sa kanya ni Bea habang inaalalayan si Chase na tumayo.

Hana pumped Sehun's chest repeatedly, calling his name over and over again until water came out from his mouth followed by a fit of coughs and strangled breathing. _"Stephen…"_

Nang makitang unti-unting imulat ni Sehun ang mga mata nito, dibamba nya ng isang mahigpit na yakap si Sehun at narinig nya na lamang ang sariling humahagulhol sa dibdib ng binata. _"Gago ka, tinakot mo 'ko!" s_ he cries at naramdaman nya ang pagyakap sa kanya ni Sehun.

"H-hana..." 

She can hear his heart beating in his chest, and she breathes heavily in relief, her tears non-stop. 

"T-thank you." he says, and Hana realizes that she fears many things but losing him is still the most terrifying. 

___________________

Hana was sitting on one of the benches near the pool, staring daggers at the waters. A towel is draped over her body and she was still trembling because of the cold. Nakapagpalit na sya ng damit pero nanginginig pa rin sya hindi lang dahil sa lamig kundi pati sa kaba na naramdaman nya kanina.

Hinayaan na muna sya ng mga kaibigan na mag-isa, well, she insisted to be alone. She won't ruin the night for her co-teachers. Mabuti na nga lang at konti lang ang nandoon at hindi na din pinakalat para iwas gulo at tanong.

She was holding a cup of coffee in her hands, deep in thoughts as the moon illuminate light in the waters — the waters that nearly drowned Sehun. Pinilit nya ialis sa isipan nya ang walang malay na pigura ng binata. Sehun was bought to the clinic para i-check kung maayos na ang kalagayan nito. She was informed that he was completely fine at kailangan na lang magpahinga. 

Moira's Paubaya was playing faintly from inside and Hana felt a little sadder than she already was. 

"Hana..." napalingon sya sa pinanggalingan ng boses at nagulat sya ng makita si Sehun. "Stephen..." napatayo sya at sinuri ng tingin ang binata. Medyo namumutla pa ito dahil sa lamig kaya nakaramdam na naman si Hana ng labos na pag-aalala. 

"Anong ginagawa mo dito, Sehun? You should be resting." Bit instead of answering her, Sehun had wrapped his arms around her. Tight. Hana stiffens, yet she will not deny that the warmth that emits from his body calmed her down. 

"Maayos na ako. You don't have to worry about me." 

"Sehun..." 

"I owe you a lot of explanation and apologies... can... can we... t-talk?" he says quietly onto her ears as he hugs her tight. Wala namang ibang nagawa si Hana kundi tumango. It's about time. 

Nang makaupo sila ay tinanong nya muli ang binata, "are you really okay?" kinuha naman ni Sehun ang kamay nya, at hinawakan sa pagitan ng kanyang mga malalamig na kamay. "Can I hold your hand?" he asks yet he is already holding it so tightly. "Your hand is warm." 

Hindi na lang nagsalita si Hana, hindi gaanong pinsansin ang pamilyar na kabog ng kanyang puso at mga paru-paro sa kanyang tiyan, at hinayaan ang binata na hawakan ang kamay nya. Nabalot sila ng katahimikan bago magsalita si Sehun. "I'm sorry. For everything." he started at nararamdaman na ni Hana ang pagbigat ng puso nya. 

"Alam ko.. na narinig mo na lahat, but still, I know it won't justify the things I did. I thought I was doing the right thing e. Not involving you in any of ny issues kasi alam kong you already have too much on your plate. I wanted to protect you....but I hurt you still, didn't I?" 

Hindi naman sumagot si Hana at umiwas lamang ng tingin, pinipigilan ang pagluha ng kanyang mga mata. Nagpatuloy si Sehun sa pagsasalita. "Hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula pero... gusto kong bumawi, Han. Gusto kong sabihin sa'yo na noon pa man, gusto na kita. Mahal k —" 

"Sehun..." pagpigil sa kanya ni Hana. 

> _Saan nagsimulang magbago ang lahat?_
> 
> _Kailan no'ng ako ay 'di na naging sapat?_
> 
> _Ba't 'di mo sinabi no'ng una pa lang?_
> 
> _Ako ang kailangan, pero 'di ang mahal_

Hindi ni Hana alam kung nanadya ang kumakanta mula sa loob, pero bigla nyang pinigilan si Sehun. Ayaw nyang ituloy ang sasabihin ni Sehun, lalo na' t alam nya na hindi sya lubos na maniniwala sa mga katagang sasabihin nito. 

> _Saan nagkulang ang aking pagmamahal?_
> 
> _Lahat ay binigay nang mapangiti ka lang_
> 
> _Ba't 'di ko nakita na ayaw mo na?_
> 
> _Ako ang kasama, pero hanap mo siya_

Dahil habang sa isip nya, na kahit sya ang kasama… baka iba pa rin ang hinahanap ng binata. 

Hindi pareho ang sitwasyon, pero iyon ang nararamdaman nya ngayon. 

"Kasama kita, pero pakiramdam ko hinihiram lang kita." she quietly says, as she looks at Sehun's eyes. 

"Naguguluhan na naman ako. Nandito na naman ako." pagpapatuloy ni Hana at yumuko ng bahagya upang iwasan ang mga mata ng binata.

"Ewan ko ba. Pero nasasaktan na naman ako. Narinig ko na yung dahilan mo pero, bakit nasasaktan pa rin ako, Stephen? " Hana calls him the way she used to. Puno ng emosyon, _puno ng lungkot_. 

"Pangalan ko na ang tinatawag mo. Pero bakit masakit pa rin?" Ngumiti si Hana ng mapait at sa wakas ay tumingin muli ng diretso sa mga mata ng binata. And Sehun felt a pang in chest seeing how sad her eyes were. 

"This may sound so petty. But that time at the ball, I was so desperate to hear my name in your lips… but you called hers instead, not mine." Agad na pinunasan ni Hana ang luhang tumulo mula sa kanyang mata. Hindi nya na napigilan, she's already letting out all those pain she kept in her heart for years. 

"Hana —" 

"That day, I finally realized na ako lang pala yung sumusugal sa ating dalawa. When you kissed me for the first time when you were drunk kasi sabi ni Toff, sobrang stress and problemado ka daw. Gustong-gusto kitang damayan, but you didn't let me. Sabi mo, as long as I stay by your side you'll be fine, and you don't know how happy that made me. Kasi ganon ka din sakin e. You were my strength too, Stephen. You never lied to me. Sa apat na taon nating pagkakaibigan, you never did." 

"Kaya when you told me na ako lang, naniwala ako. Because even if you were drunk, your words was an assurance that we were on the same page. That you felt the same that I did. Kasi kahit papano ramdam ko naman e. I just wasn't sure." Hana chuckles but her voice already quivered. "You remembered everything, but you chose to tell me you didn't." 

Yumuko si Hana at tinignan ang kamay ni Sehun na nakahawak sa kanya. Unti-unti nya itong inalis. 

"When you told me to wait when I confessed, I promised myself that I will. Kahit walang kasiguraduhan kung ano ba yung hihintayin ko, kung acceptance ba o rejection. But I waited. Kasi ikaw yan e. I can never go against your wishes. _Ganun ako karupok sa'yo."_

There's no humor in her voice even if she said something that was supposed to be a joke, at sumasakit ang puso ni Sehun na marinig kung gaano nya nasaktan ang dalaga sa mga panahong iniisip nya na hindi pa nila oras. _It felt heavy_. The pain they were both feeling for years they were apart was heavy. 

"Remember when you told Chase to throw the poems I made to appease her, nasaktan ako. Yes, I was there. Narinig ko lahat." sabi ni Hana nang makita ang gulat sa mukha ng binata. 

"Pero yung mga mata mo sinasabing hindi yun yung gusto mo sabihin. Even if she smiled, and looked at me with pity, umasa pa rin ako. There was that hope in me na kahit wala kang sinabi, naintindihan ko. K-kahit masakit, dahil kilala kita, inintindi ko. You won't make me throw away the things that I made. You promised me that you'll read my poems, so I believed you. Because I promised you that whatever happens, I will always believe you. That I will always understand. Pero I'm sorry that I stopped, kasi nakakapagod din pala."

"Han—"

"You made me so attached to you. That I forgot that you never told me that I have a significant part in your life. I thought you were mine, too. Kasi ako, I was sure I was damn yours. Araw-araw pinaramdam ko yun sa'yo. Did you feel it? No?" 

"Han, I did. I felt it every day but…" 

"I believed I wasn't your choice, because that's the only thing I felt that time." 

"No, Han. Please. Mahal ki —" 

"No, please don't say it. Please don't say it now. Kasi hindi ko yan kayang tanggapin ngayon." pakiusap nya and Sehun can feel his heart breaking. 

"I was so sure of what I felt for you kasi ikaw yan. You're one of those people I have always been so sure of. Pero, napaka-urong sulong mo..."

"Hana…" 

"I felt like I lost you, but the funny thing was, you were never mine to lose in the first place. Pero yun yung naramdaman ko. I feel like I lost a part of me when you chose her, Stephen. Gusto kong magalit. Kasi sana sinabi mo. Hindi ko alam kung ano yung dapat mong sabihin that time, pero sana may sinabi ka. Katulad nga nang sinabi mo, maiintindihan ko naman. Kaso narinig ko yung rason mo dalawang taon makatapos kong ibaon sa sarili ko lahat pagdududa at sakit… na kahit gusto kong intidihin kasi you did what you think was right, pero ang hirap kasi naniwala na ako e. Naniwala na ako na wala lang ako sa'yo. Tinanggap ko na yun. Nagpakain na ako sa insecurities ko, sa takot ko, sa pinaniwalaan ko na talong-talo na ako sa'yo. Tapos eto ka na naman… naiintindamihan ko naman pero tangina, hindi ko na alam. "

Hana was already sobbing while she hid her face into the palms of her hand and Sehun just watched, his heart breaking dahil hindi nya alam na dahil sa mga simpleng bagay na ginawa nya noon, naging malaki ang dulot sa pagkatao ni Hana. 

"Sabi nila, intindihin ko daw yung mga pinapahiwatig mo because you weren't man a of words. Bea, Toff, even Chase told me na your actions speaks louder than words. I know. I swear, I did. Pero s-sana you told me anything that would clear your intentions? Para siguro aware ako? Alam ko yung tumatakbo diyan sa isip mo, kahit konti? Mas maiintindihan ko kasi noon, Sehun e. Kung sinabi mo yan, I would have understand and it would have hurt less. Kasi noon, mas pinaniwalaan ko yung mga kilos mo, to the point that I was questioning myself if I really know you… 

"I always did try to understand Stephen, but I can't read your mind. I felt so lost. Hindi ko alam kung ano yung nagawa ko. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari, all I heard was you were together, finally." Hana even emphasized her last word.

"Tapos ako… ?" Hana trailed off and just shrugged her shoulders. Hindi nya na alam kung paano nya pa ipapaliwanag yung naramdaman nya noon. "Then she made me realize na oo nga naman pala, out of all the choices, why would you choose me. Ako lang 'to e. I'm no one." 

"Don't say that, please." Sehun was itching to hold her in her arms pero hindi nya magawa. Baka kapag hinawakan nya, mas lalong nyang mabasag. 

" And I'm sorry kasi kahit alam kong tama yung ginawa mo, nasasaktan ako. I'm sorry kasi hanggang ngayon, ganun pa rin yung nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko maalis." huminga si Hana ng malalim and she wipes her tears with her hands, trying to calm her heart. _Tapos na. Nasabi na nya._

Sehun didn't know the damage he have done to Hana. Akala nya, all will be okay, if she didn't know what was going on back then, it will be okay. But man, he was wrong. He made her suffer more instead of saving her from it. 

Those doubts he planted in her had grew viciously that she started to break. 

"No. No… don't apologize, please. Don't. Ako. Ako lang dapat ang mag-sorry. Ako lang." 

Sehun held her hands and Hana noticed how it was cold and trembling. "I-I'm so sorry, Hana. I thought I was doing the right thing. Akala ko pinoprotektahan kita, but I was hurting you instead. Even more than I was protecting you from. I'm so sorry, Hana. Patawarin mo ako." 

"Stephen —" Sehun was already shaking, and Hana, even with her heart still in shambles, held him close. Hindi nya kayang makitang nagkakaganito si Sehun. Parang mas lalong sumasakit. So Hana did what she thought he needed. She wrapped him in his arms, patting his back as if consoling a child. They both needed it. Kahit siguro anobg mangyari, they always be each other's safest place. 

"Hindi.. H-hindi ko sinasadya." Sehun whispers in her shoulder, body finally calming down. "You were going through so much. Ayoko, ayoko nang dumagdag. Because katulad mo, I know you. Alam kong hahatian mo ako sa pressure, sa takot, sa lahat ng problema ko noon. And I don't want that. Lakas ko yung alam kong maayos ka, but I was already hurting you, I'm sorry." he says as he hugs her back. 

"Stephen, _pinapatawad na kita."_ Hana says after a calming silence, yakap ang isa't-isa na tila naghahanap ulit ng lakas. Nagulat si Stephen sa sinabi ng dalaga. He didn't expect that so suddenly. _He doesn't think he deserves it._

Hana pulled away, and Sehun already misses her warmth. 

"I'm sorry for suddenly throwing all those things to you now. I realized na ang tagal ko na din palang kinikimkim yun. It's been years, Stephen and I finally knew what happened. Naiintindihan ko and I'm sorry I wasn't there… and I'm sorry if this is all that I can give right now."

"Hana…" lumuluhang banggit ni Sehun sa pangalan nya. Inabot nya ang mukha ng binata at pinunasan ang mga luhang nasa pisngi nito. "For people who are just almosts, masyado atang malalim 'tong sitwasyon natin." Hana smiles and Sehun wanted the world to know how he loves this woman. To assure her that he is gonna love her properly this time. Pero hindi pa ata nila oras. 

"Huwag mo ituloy yung sasabihin mo kahit taon din ang hinintay ko marinig lang yan. Kasi hindi ko pa mahal ang sarili ko, baka kapag narinig ko yan, iikot na naman yung mundo ko sa'yo tapos makalimutan ko na naman sarili ko. Mahal kita, mahal pa rin kita. I was lying when I told them I've moved on. Because let's be honest, moving on from you is quite difficult." They can both feel the tension slowly fading, replaced with the solidarity that they had always felt with each other before. 

Sehun understands where she's coming from pero hindi nya maiwasang malungkot. If he had chose to ask for help that time? Would the outcome be different? Siguro. 

Baka ngayon ay matagal na silang magkasintahan. Marahil ay hindi sila nandito ngayon at nag-iiyakan, at walang syang takot nararamdaman na oras na umalis si Hana sa tabi nya ay hindi na ito lumingon sa kanyang muli. 

She's not being selfish, nor making things more complicated. _Mahal mo, mahal ka, ano pa ba ang problema?_ Hindi naman kasi lahat ng sugat ay nagagamot agad ng salitang "mahal kita." Minsan kailangan mo muna gamutin yung sarili mo, bago ka sumubok ulit. 

"Can we still be friends, _please_?" Sehun asks. Hindi nya kasi kaya, and he'll take whatever it is that she can offer. 

Ngumiti naman si Hana, and intently looked at the man she had loved for years. Tama naman ang ginawa nya diba? Sa lahat ng negatibong nararamdaman nya, sa kirot na hindi pa rin nya maalis, sa lahat ng insecurities, at takot — hindi lang namam puso nya ang pinoprotektahan nya, pati yung kanya, sa lalaking mahal nya kasi kahit masakit, kailangan si Sehun ng pag-ibig na walang makahihigit. Sa ngayon, ay alam nyang pareho pa silang hindi handa, kahit nais ni Sehun na sumugal ulit. 

Somehow their talk had lifted a huge weight that they were carrying for years. Hana had finally said all those things she haven't before and Stephen had no more things to hide. No regrets, just hope. 

_"Friends."_ Hana smiles and Sehun did, too. 

Kapag kaya na ng mga puso nila, baka pwede na. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? 👀


	13. Chapter 13

Matapos ang convention nila sa Batangas, tuloy ang buhay para kay Hana, para sa kanilang dalawa. Aaminin nya, seeing him cry almost made her succumb to her heart to just hold him in his arms and forget everything. Pero naisip nya pareho lang din naman silang mahihirapan. Ayaw nyang hawakan ang mga kamay ni Sehun habang madami pa syang bagaheng dala-dala. Sa kabila ng lahat, Hana still considered what Sehun deserves, and with all those things that they had gone through — they deserve a love free from doubts and fears. 

Ngayon, naiintindihan nya na kung bakit hindi sya hinayaan ni Sehun na sabihin sa kanya ang mga katagang iyon noon. It would've hurt more if you heard those words but never got to do anything about it. _It becomes more painful._

Sa mga nakalipas na araw, Hana had slowly come peace with his reasons and had appease all the emotions she had suppressed all those years. That was something she alone can do, letting go of all those pain is her responsibility. Dahil kahit masakit ang mga nangyari, it all happened for a reason. Ganun naman lagi, hindi ba? Sa lahat ng mga nangyayari sa buhay natin, may isang dahilan na tutulungan tayo para magpatuloy. 

_"Lu, Hana Miracle. Ma'am?"_

Nabalik sa ulirat si Hana nang marinig nyang tawangin ang pangalan nya. Finally. 

"Hi, Ma'am! Eto po yung loads nyo this sem at yung schedule nyo. Paki-check na lang po ulit if tama lahat." 

Matapos nya ma-check ang form at schedule, at ma-verify ang kung anu-ano pang mga detalye sa pagtuturo nya sa unibersidad katulad ng submission ng grades ngayong semestre, ay lumabas na sya sa registrar's office. Sigurado syang naghihintay na sa kanya si Jedah kaya binilisan nya ang paglakad papunta sa cafeteria ng dating unibersidad. 

Walking down into the hallways of her former university gave her a warm feeling. Apat na tao din sya dito, maraming ala-ala ang nabuo sa lugar na ito. Maraming luha at tawa. Maraming pagkabigo at pagkapanalo. The university was one of her biggest foundation. It stores many memories that she'll forever remember. Especially people. Napangiti sya habang naglalakad sa hallway ng dating paaralan, remembering a certain boy who would smile and make her laugh as she goes to her first class every morning — a coffee on both their hands. _Ah, memories._ Kung dati ay nalulungkot sya sa mga ala-alang iyon any ngayon, gumagaan na ang pakiramdam nya. Hindi lang naman pala iyon kasinungalingan, what she felt that time was genuine and it made her happy that the memories she had with him wasn't only kept by her alone. It was their memories in SJU, not only hers. 

Nang makarating sya sa cafeteria ay luminga-linga sya sa paligid. She was looking for Jedah. Nag-text kasi ito na pupunta din ito sa eskwelahan kasama si Bea at hinihintayin na lamang sya sa cafeteria. Katherine was off to Singapore at uuwi ito bago ang pormal na pagbukas ng school year ngayon taon, which is next week. After the convention ay may isang linggo silang pahinga bago sumabak sa trabaho. 

Masaya sya para sa kaibigan. It looks like in a span of 2 weeks, Kath got the phase na ang tagal nilang hindi makuha-kuha ni Toffie. While Toffie was always afraid of risks, Katherine was always fast-phased, at _thankfully_ sa hinaba-haba man ng panahon, they both got to walk side by side. 

"Hana!" rinig nyang tawag sa pangalan nya. Napangiti sya ng makita si Bea na kumakaway mula sa kinauupuan nito. Agad nya itong nilapitan. 

"Hi, Bea. Akala ko ba kasama mo si Jedah?" tanong nya sa kaibigan nang makaupo sya sa harapan nito. "Ayun, kasama si Sir Miko. May itatanong daw." 

"Si Sir Miko? Si Miko Santiago Kim? Yung ano nya…" nanlaki ang mga matang sabi ni Hana. 

"Yes, Hanapots. Si Sir Miko. Yung fresh grad na prof. natin nung college." pag-tutuloy ni Bea sa sasabihin nya at napatawa na lang sya bigla. 

"Kumusta yung Jedah?" usisa nya. 

"Namula. Ano pa ba?" tumawa naman silang dalawa ni Bea dahil pareho nilang alam ang _not-so-secret_ crush ng napaka workaholic nilang kaibigan na si Jedah sa dati nilang propesor. 

Napatigil sya sa pagtawa ng makitang nakatingin lang sa kanya si Bea."Oh, bakit?" 

"You seem happier. What's the tea?" nangalumbaba pa si Bea sa mesa at naghintay ng sasabihin nya. 

Napailing na lamang si Hana. "Hindi ba ikaw dapat ang magkwento?" 

"Eh, ikaw na muna, alam mo na naman yun. So, ano napag-usapan nyo ni Sehun?" usisa pa nito. 

"Bago ako magkwento," simula ni Hana at nginitian ang kaibigan. "Gusto ko muna mag-thank you. Dahil if you didn't tell Chase to call me, hindi pa siguro kami mag-uusap. Thanks for that push."

"Anytime, Hanapots. Saka, ano ba, if kami masaya — dapat ikaw din." 

Hana told Bea what they had talked about, at kahit it wasn't the happiest outcome her friend was hoping, she was happy to share with her the plot twist that happened in a span of two weeks. 

"So, friends na lang talaga? Or nagpapakipot ka lang?" biro sa kanya ni Bea. Alam naman nya na naintindihan nito ang naging desisyon nya. She was still healing, and Sehun was still learning not to be too hard on himself. 

"Parang sya hindi nagpapakipot." balik nya sa kaibigan. 

"Well, hindi naman talaga. _Slight lang_." tawa nito. Suddenly, Bea sighs dreamily as if reminiscent of a fond memory. 

"Akala ko, he will never look at me like a woman. Akala ko hanggang asa na lang talaga ako kasi that's Chase. Si Chase na sweet, gentleman, mabait, sa lahat. Paasa e." tawa nito. "But when he told me that he was afraid he'll break me so he chose the safest way to treat me, it moved me Hanapots. Naisip ko, _tangina_ , wala na akong kawala dito. Ikaw ba naman sabihan na he's passionate about you, ewan ko ba, ang simple ng sinabi nya pero parang nakalutang ako sa ulap." she smiles. 

"Pero kahit alam nyang sobrang rupok ko sa kanya, he said he'll wait. Mas kilala nya pa ako kesa sarili ko, na kahit hindi ko daw sabihin alam nya — that there are doubts inside me that are still hurting me. That will kill me one day. And that's true, and knowing me, madaming away ang pwede maganap dahil sa mga dudang yan. Mas masasaktan pa rin ako. It made me realize na minsan you really need to heal from your fears and pain para maging masaya ka ulit. Just like what you did. Not just for yourself but for him, too."

Hana nods, understanding what she means. Sobrang magkaiba man ang sitwasyon nila ng kaibigan, she knows — how healing takes time. 

"Pero alam mo kung ano narealize ko pa? That there are times that you can heal while apart and at may mga pagkakataon you can heal while together." 

Bea smiles at her as if conveying a message. Hana wanted to ask what she meant but her she was interrupted by a sudden pat on her shoulder. 

"Hi, Han." Napatingin bigla si Hana sa likod nya at nakita si Sehun. Nakangiti ito sa kanya, _masuyo_ , and Hana can still feel that familiar feeling that he brings. Yung mga ngiti ni Sehun, hindi mo lang masasabi na nakakasilaw. Ito yung klase ng ngiti na nakakatulala, nakakapigil-hininga, nakakapanghina. 

It never fails to mess with her heart na akala mo ito yung unang beses na nagkakilala sila. 

"Stephen." even his name always feels so good to say. 

"Nandito rin pala kayo." sabi nito at umupo sa tabi nya. Umiwas sya ng tingin dahil ramdam nya ang biglang paglakas ng tibok ng puso nya. They were apart for a long time, yet what she's feeling is still the same. 

Nung tumingin sya sa harapan nya ay nakita nyang katabi na ni Chase si Bea, and they were smiling at each other. Hindi nya mapigilan mapangiti ng halikan ni Chase ang noo ni Bea, and her friend's face turned pink as Chase looks at her like he can't believe he's finally with her. 

Tumingin sa kanila sa Chase, particularly to Sehun na parang may ipinapahiwatig, at ngumiti ng pagkalaki-laki. "Una na muna kami sainyo. I have something to show Luna." he grabbed Bea's hand gently at inalalayan itong tumayo.

"You do?" nagtatakang tanong ng kaibigan nya habang hawak-hawak ang kamay ng binata. 

" _Yes, cupcake. I do_." Chase said and affectionately pinched Bea's nose that made the latter a little more flustered than she already was. 

" _Cupcake!?_ " she and Sehun incredulously said in unison… at gustong matawa ni Hana dahil yumuko ang kaibigan na parang nahihiya, pisngi ay mas lalong namula. "Nakakainis ka!" maktol nito. 

"What? I always remember the cupcakes you make me everyday nung high school. It's sweet and _just for me._ " nakangiting sabi ni Chase kay Bea, and she grew even more embarrassed because of his shamelessness. Kinikilig lang talaga yan, _trust me._

"Shut up ka na nga, tara na. Bye sainyo!" paalam ni Bea at dahil sa hiya at kilig (sabi ko sainyo e), ay nauna na ito maglakad palabas ng cafeteria at tumatawang sinundan naman sya ng binata. 

Napailing na lang sina Hana sa inasta ng mga kaibigan, pero she was so happy for her friend. Kitang-kita sa mga mata nya yung saya and she would love to see that in her eyes for a long time. 

"Sabi ni Chase ayaw nya daw magsisi. Ayaw nya daw dumating sa punto na kahit ngiti ni Bea hindi nya na makita. Natakot si gago." Bigla saad ni Sehun at napatingin uli sya sa dito. He had that somber look on his handsome face, but he was smiling. Calm and endearing still. Hindi katulad noong una nilang pagkikita, unti-unti nang nawawala ang kirot sa bawat pagkakataon na titignan nya ang mga mata ng binata. Hindi nya alam kung bakit, but Sehun is like the ocean, its waves might be harsh sometimes just like his shortcomings but he was still so beautiful, everything about him. Nakakalunod, pero nakakakalma ng damdamin. 

"Ayaw nya daw matakot sumagal at sumubok, kasi mas malaki daw ang takot nya na mawala sya kesa sa takot nyang makasakit ng iba." pagpapatuloy ng binata and she can hear her heart beating loudly, for his every word. 

Sehun stares at her eyes as he said those words na parang lahat ng sinasabi nya ay para sa kanya. "Sabi nya kung kailangan daw araw-araw syang manuyo. Papatunayan nya, hindi nya lang susubukan, na iparamdam sa kanya na pwede na syang pagkatiwalaan muli ng puso nya."

Napaiwas ng tingin si Hana sa malalim na mga titig ng binata. _Delikado ang puso nya_. 

"Kaya kahit hindi sya sigurado kung saan sila pupunta, naglakas loob pa rin sya. He said, he would take the pain by trying, than nothing at all." Nang muli nyang tinignan si Sehun ay nakangiti ito sa kanya, his eyes shining with determination that she cannot fathom.

"Gagawin nya daw lahat para sa kanya, hayaan lamang sya." pagpapatuloy ni Sehun, mga mata'y malalim na nakatingin pa rin sa kanya. Hindi nagbabago, ganun pa rin — it still makes her feel things. 

And Hana just sat there unmoving as hse listens to every word he says, na sa bawat salita ay parang tumatagos sa kanyang puso, nagtatanim ng punla... _naglalagay ng tiwala._

"Sa tingin mo, hahayaan kaya sya?" Sehun asks and Hana knows, it's isn't about their friends anymore. It's about them. 

And Hana thinks, it's just been days yet her heart says _just a little more._

_________________

Hana didn't know what changed. But she didn't complain, either. Kung ano man ang sitwasyon nila ngayon, masaya sya. Hana knows that they were taking things slow even there were no words of affirmations that had been said that day. Just like before. 

Parang bumalik sila sa college — nag-uusap, nagkukwentuhan, nagtatawanan. Just like the old times, ang pinagkaiba lang ngayon ay hindi na sila nakasuot ng dating unipormeng pang-estudyante. Her friends notice the way she smiles again. Yung mga tawa nya bumabalik. Parang okay na sya ulit. _Medyo._

"Magandang hapon naman sa'yo, Sir Sehun. May pa-meryenda ka na naman ba?" tanong ng katabi isa sa mga co-teacher nila at napa-angat ng tingin si Hana. Hindi nya mapigilan ang mapangiti nang makita ang binata sa pintuan ng faculty nila, may dalang supot ng tasty bread at softdrink. Nang tumingin ito sa gawi nya ay lumaki ang mga ngiti nito sa labi. _Hala, nakakatunaw naman._

"Magpapameryenda kasi may gustong makita. Diba, Sir? Kahit malayo ang Science Department, dumadayo talaga dito e." 

Naulan na naman sila ng tukso at parehi na lamang silang napailing. Mapapansin mo din ang parehong pamumula ng mukha ng dalawa pero nanatili pa rin itong tahimik.

"Naku, Ma'am Hana. Sagutin mo na kasi." Sabat ng isa pa nilang kasamahan, at nahihiyang napatingin sya dito habang inaayos ni Sehun ang mga dala nya sa lamesa nya. Oo, sa lamesa nya talaga. Tinulungan nya naman itong itabi ang kanyang mga kailangan na i-check na papel para magkaroon ng espasyo. "Handang pumunta dito at magpa-meryenda na parang sya lagi ang naka-toka, makita ka lang."

Hindi na bago sa kanila na tuksuhin ng mga kasamahan simula nang magsimula ang pasukan. Anyone who has eyes would probably see how they look at each other with such fondness. Kaso, hindi naman sila nagliligawan. Magkaibigan lang.

 _Wow. Lakas maka-showbiz_.

Nginitian lamang nila ang mga kasamahan, at nagpatuloy sa pag-aayos. "Kuha kayo, oh. Hintayin na lang natin yung pansit. Niluluto pa kasi sa canteen." Sabi ni Sehun habang kumukuha ng upuan para ilagay sa may tabi nya.

Napailing na lamang ang ibang guro sa faculty nila at kumuha ng kanya-kanyang baso. Wala naman talaga silang mapapalang sagot mula sa dalawa.

"Masasanay 'tong department namin sa pa-meryenda mo kada-Biyernes kahit hindi mo naman talaga schedule." natatawa nyang sabi sa binata ng makaupo ito sa tabi nya. May napagkasunduan kasi sila na isang magpapameryenda araw-araw. Mga simpleng pagkain lang at swak sa bulsa. 

"Okay lang naman. Basta isa ka sa mga masasanay. Dahil ikaw naman talaga yung dapat masanay. " sagot nito sa kanya at napatawa na lamang sya. 

"Kumusta pala loads mo ngayon?" tanong nya kay Sehun. "Marami na naman bang pasaway?" 

"Marami. Ewan ko nga kung paano mo na-handle ng maayos yung 4-H. Pero kaya naman. Ikaw, kumusta araw mo?"

"Ikaw naman kasi, ang strikto mo. Alam mo naman ang 4-H, mga matitigas ang ulo. Mas marami pa naman sa kanila ang lalaki kaya ayon, mahirap talaga i-handle. Maayos naman yung buong maghapon ko. Nakakangalay nga lang talaga." paliwanag nya at napansin nya ang puting bakas ng chalk sa kamay ni Sehun. Inabot nya ito at kinuha ang wet wipes mula sa drawer nya. 

"Kaya ka nila paborito e. Ang bait mo kasi. Ang ganda-ganda din." nakangiting sabi ni Sehun habang pinupunasan ni Hana ang kanang kamay niya. 

"Nambola na naman sya." tawa ni Hana at linagyan ng alcohol ang kamay ni Sehun at sya na mismo ang nag-rub nito sa kamay ng binata. "Parang hindi nya alam na halos ang daming Senior High ang nagkaka-crush sa kanya, ano po Sir Sehun?" biro nya dito pabalik at nagkatitigan na naman sila na para bang wala nang ibang tao sa paligid nila. 

Ganito sila sa nakalipas na buwan, nag-uusap at magpapakilig. Masaya lang. Hindi nila napapansin ang mga tingin ng mga kasamahan nila sa faculty at hindi man lang narinig ang komento ng isa sa mga co-teachers nila. 

"Nakaka-single. Sigurado ba kayong magkaibigan lang yan? Baka kasi mali yung stress nila sa word na /magkaibigan/ baka /magka-ibigan/ talaga dapat."

Totoo naman. Sa isip ni Sehun, hindi lang naman talaga sila magkaibigan. 

________________

_When you are happy, sabi nila, huwag daw natin sagarin._ Kasi yung saya na nararamdaman mo, laging may kapalit. There are many instances na nakapagpatunay nito kay Hana. When she feels so elated, the next day or the day after that — something will break her heart. It's either a huge display of disappointment or a heartbreak dressed like a person. It's seems like a repetitive process na ngayon ay natatakot na sya dahil sobrang saya nya nang mga nakaraang araw. She wonders what blow the universe will give her after this phase. 

There's saw a paper neatly folded on her desk that Monday morning. She smiled as Hana saw the familiar handwriting scribbled on the piece of paper, and of course — coffee. 

_Hi, Han. Good Morning. I hope this little note made you smile while you sat on your chair. Monday na naman and I know you stress out to much on Mondays. Take it easy, tigress. Haha. Start your day with a fresh brewed coffee. Just the way you like it. :-* ;-)_

_Xoxo, Stephen._

Natawa si Hana sa messily drawn kiss and wink emojis plus the "xoxo" sa hulihan ng note, but the note didn't fail to make her Monday smile, and heart warm. Sehun never fails to make her feel warm. 

"Another coffee from Sir Oh?" napatalon sya sa gulat nang may nagsalita sa harapan nya. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." 

Napatingin sya sa nagsalita. It was Sir Nate, a co-teacher. He was lean and tall, very clean looking in his uniform. "Sir Nate, ikaw po pala." ngumiti naman ang binata sa kanya nang sabihin nya ang pangalan nito. Sir Nate is... attractive, hindi naman si Hana bulag. But also so full of himself. He's also nosy by choice and that's something that Hana doesn't appreciate much about him. 

"I hope he knows that a daily dose of coffee isn't good for your health. If I were him I would give you a full meal for breakfast." sabi nito and Hana awkwardly smiles. She was about to say that she wasn't fond of eating breakfast when someone beat her into it. 

" _She doesn't like eating breakfast_ ," pilit na pinigilan ni Hana ang ngiti ng magulat si Sir Nate sa pagdating ng binata na alam kung ano ang gusto nya sa umaga. "she likes her coffee first thing in the morning and she eats well kapag lunch. It makes her stomach churn kapag hindi sya nakakapag-kape." Sehun answers confidently, walking to her side with ease. "About it not being healthy, I ordered the ones with less caffeine, decaf, and just the way that she wants it." 

Nakuha pa ngumiti ni Sehun kay Sir Nate. "Of course." the young sir answers, staggering to his feet. "Mauna na muna ako sainyo. Bye, Mira —" 

"Bye, Sir. Have nice day ahead." Nate must've felt Sehun's urge to kick him out, kaya nagmadali itong umalis. Sehun might be a ball of sunshine, but he can be really scary at times. 

"Tatawag-tawag pa ng second name mo, sino ba sya?" nanggagalaiti nitong sabi and Hana didn't hold her laughter anymore. Jealous Sehun is a sight to see. 

She thinks, this feels nice — looking at Sehun's flustered face. " _Cute._ " 

"Ano sabi mo? Cute? Sino? Si Nate!?" 

"What? Hindi! Anong cute don?" tawa nya pa, quite enjoying Sehun's reaction. "Di sino?" 

"Wala. Salamat nga pala dito sa coffee. You know me too well." ngiti nya sa binata and pakiramdam nya ay sasabog ang puso nya sa kilig. 

Ngumiti naman sa kanya pabalik ang binata, and Hana thinks konti na lang — bibigay na talaga sya. They might have not talked about what their status were, but once Sehun asks that question — she knows she'll say yes. "Ako ba yung cute?" 

Sehun tilted his head to the side, showing off his charming grin that Hana couldn't help but look away. "Feeling mo naman cute ka." 

"Am I not?"

Sasagot pa sana sya ng biglang tumunog ang cellphone nito. "Excuse me lang, Han." paalam nito bago lumabas sa faculty para sagutin ang tawag. 

Nagtataka man ay hindi iyon kubos na pinansin ng dalaga. Looking at the coffee on her table, napangiti syang muli. Mapupunit na ata ang mukha nya sa kaka-ngiti pero wala syang pakialam. She's happy. Hana reads his note again and feels her heart flutter in her chest. 

"Ang cute-cute mo talaga," she whispers to herself and giggles, " _Sehunnie_."

_However,_ when she thinks that she's already fine, that she's doing so well, and is relatively there, his phone rings in the middle of their conversation for the third time that day, and she can't help but frown. "Excuse me lang. I need to take this call."

" _Baka importante_." she would tell herself. But the calls repeats, day by day. At kahit ayaw nya, she grew anxious. It's like every phone call startles her, "I need to answer this." he always says, a smile gracing his lips as he slip his phone against his ear. 

"Sorry, kailangan ko 'to sagutun. Excuse me." Sunod-sunod, and there they go again. 

Andyan na naman. 

Her doubts. Her insecurities. Her fear. They're knocking on her mind yet again. Creeping silently in her heart. Akala nya wala na. It's been months! She's already okay, hindi ba? Why does every phone call terrifies her now? 

"Okay ka lang ba, Han?" tanong bigla ng binata habang umupo ito sa tabi nya. Hindi nya man lang namalayan na bumalik na pala mula sa pakikipag-usap nito sa taong tumawag kani-kanina lang. Aligaga naman syang napailing dahil ayaw nya mapansin ni Sehun na masyado syang napapraning dahil lang sa mga tawag na natatanggap nito. 

It wasn't as if she had the right to ask. Wala pa sila sa stage na iyon and she must respect his privacy. 

_Hindi lang nya talaga maiwasan_. 

"Sigurado ka? You look worried. Is there something wrong? You know you can always tell me, right?" nag-aalalang sabi nito. 

"I'm fine, really." she smiles. Sehun had been nothing but sweet these past few months. He had been very vocal and really puts effort in his actions, yet he never rushes. Minsan si Hana na nga ang nababagalan pero parang ngayon, naisip nya na tama lang naman. Hindi pa sya handa. 

"I'll get you food, hmm? Hintayin mo 'ko dito." Tumango na lamang sya at pinagmasdan ang binatang pumunta sa counter.

They were at a diner not far from MNHS since meron silang almost one and a half break. It's a Friday kaya naisipan nilang kumain sa labas. Kung bakit sila lang na dalawa ang magkasama ay dahil ito sa mga co-teachers nila. _Ganon sila ka-supportive._

Hana looks at Sehun's back as he waits in line. She knows na bumabawi ang binata, at alam nya din sa sarili na she's letting him crawl into her life again. And as much as he's trying, Hana is more terrified now. 

If she had loved him before, and she had loved him in those times na hindi nya ito kasama, what more now? The feeling didn't change, it intensified and _that alone is absolutely terrifying._

Nang lumingon ang binata sa gawi nya at ngumiti, her heart did a flip. She smiled to herself. Takot sya, _but he was worth that fear. She knoes that he is,_ Hana just needs to make it work. 

Naputol ang tinginan nila ng biglang tumunog ang cellphone ni Stephen na naiwan nito sa mesa. She took his phone, looking at the caller's ID and suddenly her face pales, and her heart throbbed in anguish that she didn't know was there. Looking at the familiar name came with a unpleasant blow. 

_**Choi Mina Calling…** _

_**+63 9xx xxx xxxx Philippines** _

___________________

_**Sir Stephen <3** _

_Han? Bakit ka umalis?_

_Did something happen?_

_Emergency ba?_

_Please, answer my calls._

_I'm getting worried._

_I really hope you're okay._

_Text when you see this, okay?_

_Please be safe._

"So let me get this straight, you bolted out and left Sehun sa diner kasi nakita mong tumawag yung ex nya na hindi nya naman talaga ex na si Mina Choi, at iniisip mo na sya yung constantly na tumawatawag kay Sehun these past few days, consecutively. And you think that everything from the past is starting all over again. Tama ba?" Bea carefully narrates and Hana just sighs. She can already feel the disappointment from her friend's voice at totoo lang, who wouldn't?

Nasa bahay sila ngayon nina Bea, spending the Saturday together and supposedly finish their LPs and VAs for the next week. Kaso heto sila ngayon, cornering Hana when she arrived. 

"Why did you do that, Hana?" Katherine then asks, her arms crossed. "Hindi namin alam kung saan ka nagpunta kahapon. Sehun just came back sa school na hindi ka na kasama. He was so kate sa meeting nya with his advisory class, Hana. Alalang-alala sa'yo yung tao."

"Oo nga. Hindi ka na din pumasok in the afternoon, akala namin kung ano nangyari sa'yo. Then you tell us this. Okay lang naman sana kasi wala ka naman nang load for that afternoon, and we do understand where you're coming from kaso walang abiso, bes. That was kinda unprofessional and inconsiderate of you." Jedah added, while scribbling in her attendance sheets. "Sorry kung papagalitan kita ngayon, but you made a mistake dahil lang sa tawag na hindi mo naman nga alam kung para saan." 

"Your feelings are valid, Hana. But, don't you think it's a bit too much? You stormed off without saying goodbye, didn't get to work, ignored all of us who was asking where you were and was so worried for you." Katherine says at tumabi sa kanya mula sa pagkakaupo nya sa sofa. 

"I.. I p-panicked. I didn't know what to do." she explains, burying her face in her hands. She feels ridiculous and pathetic. 

Hana hears Bea sigh. "Why didn't you stay and asked instead?" 

"I.. I couldn't. Natakot ako." 

"Hana... we understand, we really do. Kaso paano yan? Every time you doubt, aatras ka? Ganon na lang ba gagawin mo lagi? Don't deny, ha. We see his advances, and we see your hesitation, too. Kahit sabihin mong okay ka lang, there's this lingering agitation around you, and that's not healthy, Han. Worse is, you let it eat you up." 

Hana didn't even try to argue with Bea. She knows she's right. Every time she weighs the situation, she lets the feeling eat her up — na atvthe end of the day, she gets overwhelmed and it stirs her anxiously. 

"Hindi ko maiwasan, okay? Yun yung nararamdaman ko and Mina called, he didn't even tell me na he's still in contact with her. Hindi ko na naman alam. Baka maulit na naman e."

"Alam mo, Hanapots. Yan yung problema. You doubt him too much. He explained his side, diba?" Bea asks and she nodded. "Eto yung sinasabi ko sa'yo na 'healing together', you should both be open to each other. Para walang misunderstanding and confusion. "

"Magkasama naman kami, ah. He's the one who's confusing." she says. 

"Kasi you don't accept his assurances. You doubt him still when he is clearly trying."

"I'm trying din naman, Bea."

"No, bes. _You're just waiting_. Hindi naman kami bulag, Hana. You acknowledge his efforts yet you doubt it. That's not trying. Ikaw tong mas tinitignan yung maaaring mali nya kesa sa mga ginagawa nya." Jedah huffs and something in Hana just... _agrees_. She was right. She wasn't trying. Naghihintay lang sya lagi sa mga gagawin ng binata without doing her part, as well. 

Takot na takot pa rin sya na maiwan at masaktan, lalo na kung wala syang pinanghahawakan. Kahit hindi nya aminin, alam nya na kapag magkasama sila ni Sehun, and he's holding his phone — may kung anong pakiramdam sya na any minute he would just disappear. She has that fear to see him just stand up and walk away again only to run to her. Kaya nang makita nya ang pangalan ni Mina sa cellphone ni Sehun, she decided that she will be the one walking away — not him. Na kung sakali man he came running to Mina again, she won't have to see it. 

But what she did was wrong. Bakit ganon ang nararamdaman nya kung she already accepted his reasons? _Did she really, though?_ Because the issue isn't about that anymore, Hana realizes, it's about her own issues. 

Yung insecurities nya. Yung toxicity ng pag-overthink nya. Yung doubts nya. Every single negativity. They were talking non-stop inside her head like a vile renting there rent free. She keeps on entertaining those thoughts instead of trying to remove them from her system. Sehun had been nothing but patient. 

And they were right, _she wasn't trying._

__________________

_**2:37 pm** _

_**Sunday** _

Hana pockets her phone as she enters the café. She still kept it on airplane mode, not really willing to talk to anyone. Masyado pang magulo ang utak nya at ayaw nyang makapagsalita ng hindi maganda at hindi sinasadya. 

Kaya andito sya ngayon, magkakape, baka sakaling alisin nito ang mga komplikasyong sya lang naman ang may gawa. 

_"Hana Miracle?"_

Napalingon sya sa tumawag sa pangalan nya at bigla syang natigilan. "Long time no see, Hana. Do you remember me?"

How could she forget the face of the woman she still feels so insecure about. Mina Choi. "Can we talk?" 

Hana finds herself nodding. 


End file.
